Have You Felt This? Let’s Talk About Anxiety in Midlife

 Hey, Braveheart, so great to see you! We're gonna talk about something today. Something that I'm fairly familiar with. It's called Anxiety.

Now, I haven't had struggles in many years with anxiety, but in my 30s and my early 40s, I dealt with massive amounts of anxiety, and I was very concerned that during my menopausal or postmenopausal years that I might have a recurrence. And I'm really thankful that that didn't happen to me. But so many women in perimenopause or post menopause will say they've battled with anxiety like they've never done before.

But many of us have actually struggled with anxiety in our earlier years. When we were struggling with stress, maybe post-trauma, the energy that it took to raise children and have a job and to be a taxi cab driver and to be the best wife ever and to earn money and all of the hats and all of the things that we had to do. So maybe, perhaps you're familiar with anxiety, but let's just talk about it today. We'll have a conversation about it.

Well, first of all, understanding that anxiety is that internal alarm system that you have inside of you, and that alarm system, that bell will go off whenever your brain perceives danger or a threat, whether it's real or whether it's perceived.

Your brain is designed to keep you safe, and when it detects a threat, it's gonna start sending you. From the amygdala part of your brain, that fight or flight response, sometimes even a freeze response. You know, it's designed to protect you, but it kicks in when your brain thinks something isn't right here, something's dangerous, and you know what? That in your brain might even mean that you're just uncomfortable, or you're doing something that you haven't done before. It doesn't mean that you're in danger. It does activate that fight or flight sensory part of your brain. It's preparing you to act fast.

Now, anxiety, it's normal, maybe even helpful at times, but when it becomes persistent, when it becomes overwhelming, or it shows up out of the blue without warning, without a clear cause. There is no danger that you're feeling great and all of a sudden something is welling up inside of you. It is bothersome, and it impacts your health. It impacts your relationship, it impacts your confidence, and even just your wellbeing, your ability to enjoy life. That's what happened to me in my 30s.

One day, I was fine. The next day, I woke up. I often describe it like this. I woke up and I felt like I was a deer in headlights, just frozen. I couldn't move. My heart was racing. My chest was pounding, my thoughts were scrambled. I can't even say they were racing because I, there weren't any, I was numb. I was frozen, and yet at the same time, I perceived danger and fear, and something was wrong, and I needed to escape. I needed to pace. I needed to figure out what was going on. That was a very difficult season of life for me. I didn't understand anxiety. I didn't know what it was. I hadn't experienced really even a depressed or blue day in my life. This wasn't blue, this was what I call black Thursday. It was a day like none other when I woke up. Feeling like I had been sucked out of my own life. I just thought, where did I go? What happened to me? I felt like a vase that had a crack, and it just began to crack all the way up. It was the day that I splintered. It was the day that trauma came out of the subconscious and into the conscious. I didn't have the picture memories.

But I was having the anxiety and the panic and the body memories. My body was giving me the sensations and the remembrance of the panic that I was feeling during the abuse. But here's something I want you to know. Here's something powerful to know, because not all anxiety is that critical or that crucial or that intense when it creeps up on us. Sometimes we do have warnings. Sometimes we do know that anxiety is creeping up because we're about to do something we haven't done.

Here's what I want you to know. That's really powerful, that anxiety and excitement come from the same part of the brain, it comes from the amygdala. Sometimes your brain doesn't detect the difference between fear and anticipation. Your brain doesn't know, I'm afraid, or I am just in an area that I'm unfamiliar with. I don't distinguish the difference.

So I want you to know, 'cause I want to empower you, that oftentimes what you're about to experience after those beginning warning signals depends on your interpretation. Do you interpret those feelings as negative and bothersome, and I don't like 'em, and I want out? Or are you able to powerfully reframe and say, wait a minute, I'm excited about this. I'm anticipating something. I'm not familiar with this, but I'm not in danger.

Here's where we need to learn to pause and to breathe and to name exactly what it is that we're feeling so that we can go from panic to power. That is something that I didn't understand in my thirties and early 40s because I did not know what anxiety was. I didn't understand what was happening to me, and the more I fought the anxiety, the more it escalated, the more velocity it took, the more I struggled with what was going on. I must be dying. I'm having a heart attack. I don't know what's the matter with me. The more I wrestled with that, the stronger the anxiety became the thought of what if I have a panic attack when I walk into this room right now actually triggered a sequence of panic attacks.

So, I began to understand that what I was thinking about was contributing, not the sole source, but it was contributing to the amount of anxiety that I was experiencing. I just want you to know that when you're experiencing anxiety or you're starting to have the beginnings of what feels like anxiety, that in that moment, I want you to tell yourself, I'm okay. I'm not in danger. Of course, if you're not in danger. If you are in danger, get out. Use that energy to escape, run, set yourself free, whatever that might be.

But in our normal lives, maybe we're getting ready to try a sport. You're gonna play pickleball for the first time, or all of a sudden you're in a situation where you don't know anybody, and you've got some social anxiety creeping up on you. In those normal, I would say average situations where you're not in danger, but you're uncomfortable, I want you to remember that your interpretation plays a huge role in anxiety.

So I'm talking about a lot of different forms of anxiety. I'm talking about. The feeling that we have when we're uncomfortable, I'm talking about the feeling that we have when we feel afraid, when we do feel like we're in a situation where there is perceived danger. And so this is important for you to stop, pause, and name what it is. Am I afraid? Am I in danger, or am I uncomfortable? Am I unfamiliar with what's happening, and my body is reacting? I'm having a biological experience, but I'm not in danger, and I can begin to soothe myself and help interrupt what's going on biologically so that I don't spiral into a full-blown anxious or anxious attack, or a panic attack now.

Sometimes, however, the fear network of your brain is overstimulated, and it is overactive. And this is what happened to me. I was having a chemical imbalance where, for whatever reason, the trigger was stuck on the adrenaline. The panic response, the fight-or-flight response, involved more than just my amygdala. It was the hippocampus. It was the hypothalamus. It was the brainstem structures, all the things that are part of the fear network. They were overactive and overstimulated, and so I had this constant sense of panic, of dread, of discomfort, of fear, of danger, and I was crippled. It was debilitating. I couldn't work, I couldn't drive, I couldn't leave the house. And that needed medical attention, like I needed to get to the doctor, and I did. And I needed medical treatment. I needed medication to intervene.

But then as we began to get the symptoms under control, we were able to dig a little deeper, which I gotta be honest with you, I really didn't wanna do because that meant going to a therapist, to a counselor, and finding out. What's going on? You see, I had trauma, and I was trying to keep all of the trauma suppressed. I call it keeping the balls under the water, holding all of the feelings, the emotions, the sadness, the grief, the fear, all of it underwater, the pain. And one day, my body, I think, was advocating for me because it was saying, okay, if you won't deal with it, we'll send some warning signals to let you know.

We'll send some panic, we'll send some anxiety, some depression. We're gonna disrupt your everyday life and let you know there's an issue here that has to be dealt with. So, maybe you've experienced some of this, and maybe I'm making complete sense to you, but I want you to be empowered. I don't want anxiety for you like it did for me for a season of life to control me, to make me feel like this was the rest of my life forever, to fear it, to not understand what was going on. Once I understood it, once I was able to name it. And educate myself and equip myself with some skills in handling anxiety. It never again had that much authority over me. It never, again, never did. My brain has, I say, just gone rogue on me. I was able to understand and evaluate, regulate, and get myself back into balance.

So we all know that anxiety has many symptoms. There are physical symptoms, there are emotional symptoms, and there are behavioral symptoms. What does anxiety feel like? Well, you can have your heart racing or palpitations for sure. You can have the sweaty palms feeling, like you're having shortness of breath, or muscle tension. You feel tight. You maybe you're clenching your jaw. Suddenly you just feel like, like I said, I felt like I was being sucked outta my body. Like you can't put your thoughts together, you feel disoriented. You might feel a sudden sense of insomnia, like totally over alert. Or you might feel completely fatigued and drained. Maybe you even have digestive issues.

Remember that our stomach is called our second brain, the vagus nerve that goes from the brainstem all the way down into the stomach, into the colon, the intestines, and so maybe you have diarrhea. That was a symptom that I had as well. Instant stomach issues and digestive issues, but then also just some emotional issues that. All of a sudden, perseverating on the constant thoughts and re-occurring loop. I couldn't break out of the loop. Perhaps you've experienced that worry or dread, or you're trying to solve the same problem over and over and over again, and you're not finding any solution. You feel on edge, you feel irritable. Perhaps, maybe even depression sneaks in because depression is often the other end of the same root of anxiety. Trouble concentrating. I definitely had that and feeling detached or out of control, and those are emotional responses, if you will, that can overwhelm us.

And then behavioral symptoms, because we're feeling that, well, I want to avoid certain situations that might trigger. I know early on I was helping a woman who was afraid to drive, and she was afraid to get in the car, and so I told her, I said I'll help you. Let's overcome that. And maybe if we just expose you to little baby steps to that, you can start confronting that anxiety and framing it, and let's get some skills. And so we did that.

I like to say that she was cured of her anxiety, but then I had a lot of anxiety as she was behind the driver's wheel, having full-blown panic attacks. I'm like, let's just pull over. No, I can conquer it. I can do it, but she actually did overcome that, but it wasn't easy, but she was determined.

So maybe you have the behavioral symptom of withdrawing from people, pulling away. I know some people who have social anxiety, and it's really sad because we love them when we want their presence, but they're not able to, and they cannot overcome their social anxiety. Don't just live with that. If you're withdrawing from people or if you're withdrawing from things that used to bring you pleasure, get some help; it's treatable. Maybe you're over-checking or seeking reassurance and. You find yourself.

I know there was a woman not too long ago who was concerned about her dog. She had been walking, her dog, and her dog decided to stop by our yard and was sniffing around. Well, she didn't realize that our yard had just been sprayed with pesticide and so that got in and I recognized after she called and she talked about it several times, and it was that she was, someone who struggled with an anxiety would resolve it, and then she would seek the reassurance again, and a few minutes later she would seek more reassurance and more reassurance. And I'm not saying that she didn't have a legitimate issue, but even when I said, No, this is chemical free. It's not harmful to pets. All of the things took the dog to the vet. She just would not be soothed. And now it's been several months later, and the dog is still with us. I'm happy to say so, hopefully, she has been able to put that one to rest.

But sometimes, procrastination or indecision is part of the behavioral symptom of anxiety. So often when we have seasons. Anxiety can be precipitated by honest, truly stressful situations or dangerous situations. And then sometimes we'll say, I had a nervous breakdown. Well, our nerves don't break down, so that's not really a correct term. But what happens is that we've overloaded our brains with so much stress. Trauma that it's no longer able to abate the load, the stress load that is put on it, and it just misfires. It malfunctions, and it starts overshooting chemicals, or it depletes you of chemicals. You've been stripped right down, and now you're out of balance.

And so these different regions of our brain, they do contribute to our panic disorder, and I believe that when we get equipped and we get educated to learn and understand what's happening, that we can aid in our recovery so much quicker, and remember, body, soul, and spirit. So we need to take care of what's physical. And we need to look at what's emotional. How are we thinking? How are we processing? Are we caught in a loop? Are we able, with some skills, to interrupt that negative, persistent voice and choose a better voice, a better affirmation? And that takes practice and it takes discipline, but we are able to learn skills to upend the anxiety that's trying to take over.

So let's just look real quick at what we can do. I'm gonna close us with this. How do we manage anxiety? So I do believe anxiety is manageable. That's the good news, and I want you to know that it is not permanent. It has come to pass, not to stay. That's what I used to say, and it's proven. Strategies that help you feel grounded and strong again and safe again. Because remember, anxiety is an alarm system going off, and when the alarm goes off for no reason, it's just been triggered. It's like a fire alarm where we all have to leave the building. Only to hear the authorities say, coast is clear. False alarm. Sometimes our bodies will give us a false alarm. So what can we do to clear what can we do to bring ourselves back into regulation?

Well, first of all, breathing and grounding yourself are incredibly beneficial. So we do the belly breathing, you know, the abdominal deep diaphragmatic breathing, where you go in from your nose. Blow out from your mouth. The even beats. Four beats, four seconds. Inhale and hold at the top, and four seconds of exhaling and repeat that, and just allow that. Breathing exercise literally moves you out of anxiety and the sympathetic nervous system. Your nervous system is agitated. It'll begin to move you into the different parts of your nervous system, which are calming, resting, digesting, and putting you at ease. So that's biological. You can do that.

Also, grounding for your senses to come back so you reconnect. So you just go five, four, three, two, and one. We call it sometimes the three, three, three. Name, three things you see, three things you smell, and three things that you touch. These are practices to help you ground yourself and come back to the present, and get reattached and connected to yourself so you're not experiencing an out-of-body kind of experience, and for you to regulate biologically.

And then I want you to reframe your thoughts. This is the next thing, because a lot of catastrophes and self-critical thoughts, but grandizing thoughts begin. We must challenge those because when you're in anxiety, you're probably getting plagued with a lot of what if, what if, what if this? What if that? What if this? What if that goes wrong? What if it goes wrong? I wanna give you six words that will absolutely empower you. What if it goes well? What? If everything goes well, that's the six words. What if everything goes well, so begin to reframe your thoughts. If you can see yourself in victory, you see it, then you can convince your brain you can receive that because you're not.

Picturing a scary, foreboding outcome, but you're picturing yourself well and strong and healthy, where everything has worked itself out. What if everything works out okay? And then support your body. If you struggle with anxiety, let's cooperate with our body. And what that means is anxiety can be abated by movement. So begin to stretch and walk, there is science connecting walking with our spatial part of our brain that opens up. So whenever you feel sad or anxious or upset about something, begin to take a walk or even dance. Dancing moves, and it begins to change your body chemistry in your biology, in your brain. So, make sure that you cooperate with your body by moving it.

What we wanna sometimes do is pull the covers over our head or pace, you know, anticipate the negative. Stop doing that reframe. I'm excited. I'm not in danger, and I'm gonna move my body, maybe even nourish your body. Drink plenty of water. Start hydrating your body quickly. Eat healthy meals of protein. Stay away from sugar and caffeine, and alcohol. Get that outta your diet during seasons of anxiety, and then create a relaxing bedtime routine if you can allow yourself to rest.

Sleep. When you can sleep, take advantage of that restful moment. Also, provide for yourself. Start turning off all of your devices two hours before bedtime. Maybe take a soothing bath in epso salt. You can dim the lights, you can even drink some chamomile tea, but begin to notify your body and your brain that we're bringing everything down, and there are so many studies that connect to our overall well-being.

And then four, practice calm every day. I don't know if you're a journaler, but you need to be, especially if you have any anxiety, want to practice mindfulness, daily journaling, expressive writing and prayer, and prayer and meditation. Practice it in a daily way that brings calm, that brings. Balance that brings the sense of peace, and yet at the same time, you feel alive, and it releases the endorphins. Then, involve yourself in hobbies that bring you joy. What puts a smile on your face? What do you anticipate and look forward to engaging more often? Is it piano playing? Is it writing? Is it crafting? Is it sewing? Is it adult coloring, whatever it is that just that you just enjoy. Practice doing that a little bit every day.

Then, make sure that you're setting good boundaries around your time and your energy. I'm gonna give you this one too, release control. You know, a lot of times we have anxiety because we're trying to control the whole world around us. And the more we try to control others, the less control we have of our own life, of our own wellbeing, of our own mental state, of our own joy. And so if you begin to release control. Let things go and say, I can't control that. Here's what I can control. I can control my attitude. I can control my own time.

When you begin to take advantage of the things that you can control and release everything you can't control, you'll find that your life feels less hectic, less stressful, less agitated, and less angry. All of those negative emotions are associated with trying to control things you simply cannot control. And so enter into your rest, enter into your peace by releasing control, and then finally talk it out. Talk it out with someone. If you're experiencing anxiety, there are women like me. We get it. We understand it. Talk it out with somebody who gets you, who understands. Don't suffer in silence. Don't go it alone. Find community. Be brave. Let someone know what you're experiencing. Find a coach or therapist and begin to allow yourself to tap. What is going on, and ask for support unapologetically. Just say, I need some support here. I need some help here. So that's what I have for you today.

Dear woman, I want you to remember this braveheart, you're not broken. There's nothing wrong with you if you're experiencing anxiety. It's not your enemy, but perhaps anxiety is a messenger. It's bringing you a message. It's letting you know. Maybe something is out of balance in your life. Maybe anxiety is letting you know that you really need to think about what you're thinking about. Maybe anxiety is that messenger that says you're not living in compassion or you're not living in balance. Or maybe there's just too much going on that's that's threatening your boundaries and you're feelings. Danger, you're feeling impending doom because you have lost control over your autonomy, and you need to get back into that driver's seat, or I like to say the co-driver's seat, because we believe that God is in control of our lives.

So, I want you to live powerfully. And so by doing that, I believe that if you confront the anxiety, name it, face it, you'll rise brave, you'll rise grounded and more confident and ready to take on your life in the dimension and the freedom that God wants you to.

All right, everybody. That is what I have for you today. This is Dawn Damon, your Braveheart mentor. Now, if you're interested in a download on anxiety, where it comes from, and how to cope with anxiety. I'm offering you this free download today, and you're gonna get it by emailing me at dawn@braveheartedwoman.com, asking for the PDF on anxiety, and I will make sure that you get your copy directly from yours truly.

All right. Make sure you visit me on the braveheartedwoman.com for all of my free resources and for all of my courses, and I'm gonna leave you like I always do. Is this your moment to find your brave and live your dreams?