The Truth About TRAUMA & BURNOUT with Teresa Vozza

Dawn Damon: Hey, all my beautiful, brave hearted sisters. I am so glad that you are with us again today.

My guest for you is an award winning expert. She's a trauma informed leadership coach, keynote speaker, writer, and former chief human resources Officer for a fortune 500 company that when her unresolved trauma drove her to burnout. She discovered i've got to do something now today. She's on a mission to help executive professionals Eradicate burnout and transform their leadership. She's an author a wife a mom and a bravehearted boss, babe Please welcome to the program today Teresa Vozza.

Hey, Teresa!

Teresa Vozza: Hi, Dawn. Thank you for such a warm welcome. I'm so happy to be here.

Dawn Damon: We're glad that you're here too and you have such an incredible story. I want to just dive right into it so that our listeners can really glean from you. I know they're going to relate to you. So tell us, you got wheeled out of your Fortune500 job. I'm going to ask you to tell us a little bit about what it was like to work in an ambulance. What happened?

sa Vozza: I did. Yeah, it was: 2015

So it all kind of came to a head when I was in the boardroom. We were doing an interview. It was me and the new CEO, six foot three tall German man. Here I am, five foot two, nothing, sitting at the table. I started to feel my body flush with heat. We were doing this interview with another chief executive, and I started to feel my heart racing really uncontrollably. And what happened was I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. So at one point I interrupted the interview and I said, excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom. I tried to make a graceful exit. But soon as I stood up, I felt extremely dizzy and my heart just kept going and I felt like I had an elephant on my chest. Then, I stumbled and fell. The only thing that saved me was a nearby chair. So of course that created a hailstorm of attention. The CEO, the other executive is looking at me asking if I'm okay. They're calling the ER. I am laying there dizzy, distorted, confused. embarrassed, like a whole myriad of emotions. And before I knew it, cause it all happens so fast as these things do, I was being wheeled out in a stretcher while everyone was staring at me in the office. I was just promoted.

I wish I could tell you I was more concerned for my health, but I wasn't. I was more concerned for what people thought of me. After a battery of tests at the hospital, full day in the hospital, I'll never forget the doctor's word saying to me, Teresa, your heart is completely fine because I was certain I was having a heart attack.

Dawn Damon: Heart attack.

Teresa Vozza:Yeah and he said to me, but you do have a problem. I looked at him, I thought, Oh my God, like, what is it? And he said, you are depleted. You are burnt out, you are exhausted and you have severe anxiety. That just started a whole, you know, train of events that happened subsequently where, you know, I faced a crucible that was a leadership crucible.

For me, I was at a fork in the road and I knew that that was a turning point. It wasn't just a turning point. In the way I was working, it was a turning point in the way I approached my work, which was always from a place of deficit and of not being enough and of having to prove myself and work harder than others. It was always this energy of striving really to get love, like to feel needed, to feel respected. And that led me down a very beautiful but difficult transformative path of understanding why I do what I do and why do I escape through overwork and through proving myself and why do I hold these opinions that I do.

Dawn Damon: We're going to get into your story, but you certainly had the perfect storm going on because it sounds like what you were experiencing was somewhat of a massive panic attack or that anxiety.

I know for me, I went through that very same thing. In fact, one of the things that was a trigger for me was a boss who was an authoritative figure over me and he used to come in my office when I was sitting and he would stand over the top of me just to talk to me and everything inside of me would be screaming back away and all the bells and whistles were going off.

We don't always realize how unresolved trauma in our life will send up the flare. the whistles, the bells and say, you got to deal with me. We talked earlier before we started recording that our bodies will advocate for us. Was that part of the pathway for you that you started down?

Teresa Vozza: Yeah, 100% and I think I would say I got to the trauma side of it on the latter end of my journey. In the beginning, it was mostly around coaching and cognitive behavioral therapy and understanding why. Thought the way I did, which was helpful to a point, but it didn't address the trauma underneath and that's what you were just alluding to. It was only until I started to recognize that a lot of my problems, really stemmed from a really poor relationship with men, specifically authoritative men. I had a very abusive relationship with my father and that imprinted, as it does on me throughout most of my adult life and I was able to bury it for quite a long time. I covered it with overwork and I covered it with appearance and I covered it with exercise and you know, all the things that are anything, yeah, anything but looking within and it was only until I started to recognize how my body responded. It was always, it was frozen. It was dissociated. It was always fearing an attack from a male in authority.

That I remember one of my best friends over coffee one day, she said to me, Teresa, you never talk about your mom and dad. I remember thinking, well, why do I need to talk about them? She said, I just find that odd. It was just that one conversation that opened up a floodgate. I was like, yeah, I don't, because. It's really painful, and that's what led me down a path of trying to understand my childhood of origin story. I mean, those of us who come from trauma know it impacts your marriage, it impacts the way you parent, it impacts the way you relate to the world, it impacts your faith. So, it was really important for me, not just for work, but for my personal life too, to understand why I was so frozen and in fear so much of the time to the point where it affected my professional life as well.

Dawn Damon: Yes, you know, I want to unpack that just for a minute because when you experience that trauma from your dad, probably part of you learned a rule in life that was, if I excel, if I prove, if I'm perfect, if I'm good, if I'm busy, if I'm industrious, if I'm producing, then I'll stay clear of danger or trouble. And so, you know, maybe that was the case, maybe not, but it certainly seems to prove in, based on your overachieving and you're a type personality. Like I will stay clear of danger by doing these things and that is not sustainable. What you said, you know, like that trauma impacts every area of your life.

I got a question ‘cause I have a small little theory I'm working on, but it affects your identity and your identity affects every area of your life.

Teresa Vozza: Yes.

Dawn Damon: Trauma affects what you believe about you, your place in the world, your value, your worth, your capacity, your capability. What do you think?

Teresa Vozza: Yeah. I mean, before I really started getting curious about my trauma and going through some trauma therapy, I was over identified with my career. And that was my identity. So that hyper achievement, that striving, that proving, this put together, pretty little petite girl, that was who I was. So if I could just look good on the outside, people would approve of me. They would accept me. They would think I was smart because deep down I never received those kind of internal messages as a young girl. So I looked for it and I understand this so well now, but I didn't at the time that everything else is what I call a covering.

So the work was covering my cute little image was a cover. My volunteering for every project under the sun was a, Hey, please accept me, love me, you know, tell me I'm good enough. Everything came down to a need to feel like I was okay. Because I didn't have the identity of a woman that felt like she was okay. I always felt in danger, unsafe, and unworthy. I never would have known that consciously.

Like if you had told me that con like 10 years ago, I'd be like, no, I feel fine. But it was only until I recognized the impacts it was having on me. Thanks for having me, by the way. How did you learn to read through work and then through my marriage? And then, you know, through parenting did it really hit home that yeah. Yeah. I've got some work to do to unravel this identity. I happened to myself because it all came down to unworthiness. It came down to unworthiness. Yeah.

Dawn Damon: Well, you said it. I love it. I'm going to say it again in danger, unsafe, and unworthy. That explains it very well and we're not the only women who've experienced that in life. So many of us have that story. That's why we need to be brave. It was bravery that allowed you, you had to. At some point, get that courage to say, okay, I will dive into the depths of my soul and do some of this hard work. What was your turning point?

Teresa Vozza: Yeah, well, that was certainly one of them, but it wasn't the only one. So my burnout was definitely a turning point in just starting the path of discovery, starting to ask questions. So I started to work with a mindset coach and I started to dabble into things like worthiness and what am I meant to do on this world? You know, what is God's work for me? Those kind of deeper questions and that started me down a really good path.

But I think another turning point came when my son, who has ADHD, started to really struggle. I found myself getting really angry with him and rage started to bubble to the surface. This was something I'd never experienced before until I had children and then all of a sudden it overcame me and that was another moment and I get shivers even when I say it because it was my father's rage, that's what's showing up. That was another turning point where I thought I can't continue the cycle.

Anyone that knows about intergenerational trauma, my father was a product of his time. He learned it from his father. And so, I had the opportunity when it was passed to me to change the cycle, to change the pattern. So when I had my son, and we were going through a lot of testing and different things for him, and I saw my rage come out and that uncontrollable anger, that was the second turning point where I thought, uh uh, I can't do this to him too. I can't have him to live with a sense of unworthiness, or I'm wrong. While physical abuse, that was part of my story, wasn't a part of my children's story, thank God. But, I was afraid that if I didn't control this anger, I would hurt them emotionally. So that was a huge turning point for me, and that started the next, I would say, even deeper phase of understanding how trauma lives in my body and what are the signs and symptoms that show up when I'm triggered or I'm feeling an impulse to lash out or experience rage. That was the next one.

Dawn Damon: Yes. What did you figure out? Did you identify a few of the things that happened in your body or or what did you learn?

Teresa Vozza: So I was I went through a couple of different models of therapy, but not for very long. I felt over once I understood it, I could do a lot of it on my own. So the two different things I did was I did, I went through somatic experiencing, which is a trauma based therapy popularized by Peter Levine, who was one of the biggest experts in this. And all that really is understanding the sensations of the body. So rather than approach all of our problems per se through cognitive head knowledge, we start to tap into the wisdom of the body, which includes the heart, but which also includes sensations that you feel in your body. So tightening, tension, heat, all of those are signals that something is happening that cortisol or stress is starting to flow through your body.

So once I started to understand what it felt like to feel unsafe and what went on in my body, I was able to sit with it, notice it, name it. Okay, this is anxiety. This is heat. This is tension and started to then Be able to soften that somatic response and then approach the decision from an entirely different place. Before, it was just autopilot. Someone would say something, I'd get tight, I'd lash out and that changed once I understood, Oh, I'm feeling heat. What's going on? You know, so I have the wise discernment, I like to call it, to say, something's going on with my body. Name it, create a pause. Go into the heart, you know, meditate or say a prayer and then soften the somatic response and then you can act. And so that was huge for me.

The second part was understanding that we all have parts of us inside. Like we have the little girl part, we have the older, you know, almost 50 year old self part, my present day self, we have, you know, the 25 year old self, and starting to dialogue with them and welcome them, not judge them, not shame them, because so much of trauma is rooted in shame. Not shame them for feeling or doing the things that they do, but actually just having a dialogue with them in a safe container. Started with the therapist, and then it started with a journal, and then it started with prayer. And now I can actually use those modalities to serve me and love all parts of me, even those parts that were really broken.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. I love that because I often say we are the sum total of every age we've ever lived.

Teresa Vozza: Yeah. I love that.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. I got that comment or that from my author friend, Shelly Beach, who writes a lot about that. But when she said that, that the light went on, because I do know I can feel sometimes when the little girl, like the other day I had a conversation with my husband and something had happened earlier in the day that triggered my little girl. I told him, I said, We were on the phone. I said, I'm sorry, babe, right now. You're not, this is my 10 year old. I'm upset. Let me talk to you later. ‘Cause he happened to call when I was in the middle of, but you know what?

I'll tell you, Teresa, there had been a man that came into my home to take a tour for insurance purposes. I didn't know it was coming. It was a surprise. I was alone. I was trapped and it triggered me and I was trying to all those bells and whistles were going off. You know, I'm 62 years old. I'm like I've been walking in freedom and healing for a long time, but that little girl, she still had a memory that she wanted to let me know, Hey, you might be in danger right here.

Teresa Vozza: Yeah and what I love about that too, Dawn is like, what I've learned is that when that shows up, whether it's my little girl or my teenage self or whatever, is I just love on her. I'm like, Oh, there you are. Before I used to be like, why do you do that? Why do you say that? What's wrong with you? It used to be all this inner narrative and now it's different. There's just a softness, a gentleness, a welcoming of that part. Then one of my favorite questions that I use with my clients is like, what does she need right now?

Yes. It's really about just asking the question, what does she need? So maybe she needs a nap. Maybe she needs a prayer. Maybe she needs a walk. Maybe she needs to stroke her dog. Like when we start asking the question of the hurt part, like what do you most need right now? What do you most need to hear? We start to heal because we're not. we're not shaming them. We're embracing them.

Dawn Damon: Yeah, so good. So rich. And that's true. Like, I just needed to soothe her. Yeah. I needed compassion. It's okay that you feel afraid. Also that you're grown Dawn and Jesus, we got you. You're okay. You're not alone in this situation. Because when I get triggered, it usually is that. I've been thrown to the wolves and nobody's here to protect me. No one's coming for me. I'm alone in this and I don't know what to do.

So how would you address a woman who may be listening today? Who's really kind of, she's resonating with what we're saying. She is pushing herself to achieve. Maybe she suspects that she's got some unresolved trauma, her own self. What advice might you have for her?

Teresa Vozza: You know, the first thing I feel compelled to say is. I just have so much compassion for you. You know, if there's someone listening and they're like, Oh, there was like something stirring inside and Oh, like, you know, it always starts like that. There's a stirring and the first thing I would want to say to that person is just, you know, I see you, like, I feel you, you know, I get that. So just a huge empathy and compassion.

Then the second thing I would say is, It's just go slow because one thing about trauma, and I know this from being a trauma leadership coach, is that everything needs to start small. It's micro. You can't go from like hearing this and then saying, okay, I'm going to go run in, you know, book of trauma therapist. You could, but that's not exactly what's needed. I think what's needed first and foremost is just a slow acceptance of yes, hard things have happened to me. I suspect I may be affected and maybe you can just start with noticing, just noticing, and maybe, you know, write it down in a journal. I notice I get tight around this person at work. I notice that I always say yes.

When asked to deliver on XYZ project and start to get curious, like, is it around same type of people? Is it around authority figures? And just start with that. And I think from there, it's like, once you get curious, and you understand that, yeah, your body is being affected. What do you need next? Maybe you need to work with a coach or a mentor. Maybe you do need to see a trauma therapist. But I think what's really important is first just understanding that it's not your fault. That trauma is pervasive and complex and affects over like 70 percent of us globally, if not more and the first step, first and foremost, is just to stop, recognize the signs and symptoms, is where is it in my body? What do I need most right now in this moment? Then maybe after a week or two of doing that, then you can ask yourself a bigger question might I want to join a community or might I want to work with someone to help unravel some of my conditioned tendencies and ways of being in the world that might serve me in my future.

Now I want to make a clear distinction here that trauma informed coaching is different than trauma informed therapy. So, trauma informed coaches like myself, we don't diagnose, we don't go into your past. We're not trained to do that. What we are trained to do is to help you understand your nervous system, and whether or not you're regulated or dysregulated, and help you expand that window of tolerance, and then refer you to a trauma therapist for any deeper type of work. But It's good to know that there are options. There are ways that you can address this in small incremental steps that's not going to blow up your world. Because I think that's very scary for people who come from trauma. It's too much to just say, Hey, let's go to therapy. Let's just start with, noticing, feeling, and maybe some gentle inquiry, and then we can take the next step.

Dawn Damon: Yes. It's so good. It's so wise because you're right. I think one of the big fears is that I don't have time for this. It'll blow up my world or I'll fall in the black hole and I'll never come out again. It's too overwhelming. So you said, start small, go slow, become aware, Get curious.

Teresa Vozza: Yeah.

Dawn Damon: Then maybe make some inquiry. What do I need? What am I feeling? Great few steps to get started. I love the distinction too, between trauma therapy and trauma coaching. That's really great. So our time is escaping us and this is so rich and so good. I have to ask you, how did the end of the story go? Did you go back to your job? Did you transition out? Did you get out of the hospital?

Teresa Vozza: Oh yeah, I definitely got out of the hospital, but so after doing some work, I actually enjoyed another four to five years. It was four and a half years. I believe it was in the executive role. I was promoted to chief HR officer and I was really able to lead from a more sustainable place. So that was, but I also in that journey. You know, I was hitting 45. I believe I decided it was time for me to hit my second curve. That's when, you know, I decided I needed to bring these gifts to the world. And I started my own coaching and consulting business, working with women in corporate who are. You know, perhaps struggling and burnt out and may suspect that trauma is at the root of it, already some of the struggles. So that's what led me down my second curve in life, which I know many of your listeners are embracing second curves and midlife adventures. I never would have done that had I not had this kind of deeper realization that I was meant to serve the world in a deeper and meaningful way. You know, that is in part a testament to my story, that my story brought that. ability and gift for me to work with others. So huge.

Dawn Damon: That is huge. So women who are listening today and maybe even a man here and there that snuck in, that's a great reminder of us that life is filled with transitions, necessary endings, fresh beginnings, and be brave, be courageous, be curious because reinvention, I know when I went through my divorce and I thought my world was over after 28 years of sameness and growing and becoming and it was all wiped clean. But that moment, even though painful turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. So we encourage you go forward. You can find more about Teresa and locate her at her website, www.teresavozza.ca. You don't have to memorize it. It's going to be in the show notes. So thankful for you to be with us today, Teresa. Thank you. We appreciate it. This has been amazing. And final word before we go.

Teresa Vozza: Yeah. Final word is just go soft. You know, we're in a production oriented, fast paced society and what we need more of is just a softening. So just go soft and go easy.

Dawn Damon: Go soft. Good words.

Well, that's what we have for you today. Everyone listening. So glad that you're with us. Don't forget to check out braveheartedwoman.com. I always have a free gift for you today is no exception. We'd love to see you there.

And I'm going to leave you like I always do. This is Dawn Damon, your Braveheart mentor saying, find your brave and live your dreams!