How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome in Midlife

Hey, brave hearts. How are you doing today? I'm Dawn Damon. So glad to be with you once again today. This is the podcast that comes from the heart, hopefully touching the heart of midlife women and beyond midlife. Just sharing the transition, the truths, the realities, the things that we experience now that we're at this season and phase of life. And it is a transition.

It is a new US that's emerging because the things that we used to rely on, count on are used to the familiar, it's all different. It's all changing. If it hasn't happened to you, hang on, baby. It's coming. It's gonna come because that's life. And one of the elements of life in the certainties is change, but that's also the one thing that the human brain resists. It does not like change. We like doing things the way we've always done them. Pattern and routine are our friends, and the brain sends alarms whenever it detects anything it deems a threat. And guess what?

Change, the unfamiliar, and the unknown, which feels threatening to the brain. It screams unsafe, unsafe abort mission. Stop what you're doing because the brain says, I haven't been here before. I don't know what to do here. So we have to override it with our skills, with our positive affirmations.

Today we're gonna talk about something that affects. 70% of people at one season or time in their life, maybe some more than others, but statistically researchers have shown us that this thing called IS. And what does that stand for? Imposter syndrome.

Yes. This imposter syndrome thing that is a phenomenon we'll talk about is affecting people, successful people, people who have done something brilliant, wonderful, brave, or heroic, people who have become successful or found a way to do the thing that they love, that they're passionate about, and feel pretty successful in it. But all of a sudden, this nasty little voice, this thought, this whisper begins to creep in, this overwhelming feeling that says, What if I'm really not as good? What if I can't do it again? What if it's not real? What if I were just lucky?

And so for any woman who is experiencing this, the first thing that I want to do today as we get started is help you with five positive affirmations that will allow you to just. reframe, renew, and reprogram your brain. If it's giving you these feelings and emotions that say, Hey, you're not really worthy of this, this accomplishment, this accolade that you're receiving, you don't really deserve it. You didn't really earn it. It's luck, and you'll never be able to do it again. We need to shut that noise down. It's doing this. We need it to do these five affirmations that go like this.

Number one, I'm capable and competent, and I deserve my success.

Number two, my skills and my talents are valuable and recognized by others.

Three, I trust in my abilities and the vision I bring to my work. I trusted my abilities and the value I bring to my work. How about that one, too?

Four. I am constantly growing and learning, and that's a strength. I love that I'm constantly growing and learning, and that is a strength.

Five. I'm proud of my accomplishments, and I embrace my potential.

So here's the thing, today, are you ready to embrace your potential? Are you willing and ready to say, you know what? I am here not by luck, but by hard work, by grit. By consistency and tenacity. And so let's incorporate these affirmations into our daily routine to help us build a positive mindset that stops arguing with ourselves and will reinforce our self-worth.

So the actual definition of an imposter actually finds its seeds in the word, FRAUD. It is fraudulent. An imposter is someone who is deliberately trying to deceive, okay? Especially for gain, for fraudulent gain, and that's where we also would use to get our word confidence. A man or a confident person, a con man, a con person, somebody who is running a con on you, they're gaining your confidence to trick you, to deceive you.

So, this whole thing of being confident and being positive in your skills, in your abilities, actually can sometimes flip on us and make us feel like we were being fraudulent. Many questions, whether they're deserving of the accolades that they receive and the applause and the nods and the affirmations, and they might feel like, I don't really deserve this.

And like I said, 70% of people at some point are going to feel this. Imposter syndrome. So when a person has distress over the nagging thought that maybe they aren't really who they portray themselves to be, then they're experiencing this imposter syndrome.

Research from: 2017

And guess what? Women often struggle more with this when they make it into executive suite spaces or corporate spaces and spaces where maybe traditionally they think women don't belong, or they'll start feeling that they don't belong here. I know I struggled with that for a season when I became an executive in an organization. And the men in that organization kind of looked at me like I didn't deserve it. Like I hadn't earned my space, or you're only there because of dumb luck, or you were at the right place at the right time, but you can't, you couldn't do it again. And I really, actually did wonder, are my skills transferable? Is it just because I'm here? Or if I were to leave and go to a new place, would I be successful? Well, guess what? Yes. I was, and you are too. The skills, the talents, the things that you own, the skills that you possess, they're real, and they will go with you into your next season of life. So don't hide 'em. Don't put 'em on a shelf. And whatever you do, don't dismiss 'em as if for some reason you don't deserve to have the achievements that you've earned thus far.

So, imposter syndrome really manifests. In feelings. It's really all about. The feelings, the emotional part, the amygdala, if you will, is part of your brain. So it feels like past successes and hard work were only due to luck. We've already talked about that, and that they can't be replicated. Imposter syndrome would be feeling incapable of performing at the same level every time. Like I could do it once, but I don't think I could do it again, or this persistent feeling. A fear or I'm gonna be found out that has no basis or no merit, feeling, constant pressure to achieve or to be better than you were before, or better than everybody else.

This fear that maybe you're not going to meet expectations and you're gonna let everybody down, or you're not gonna fulfill what somebody else is expecting of you, and feeling that you're gonna be incompetent despite demonstrating. You're very competent, and there's evidence all around you that you're doing a fabulous job. That your presence, that your worth, that your performance is amazing, but you would still feel incompetent. Feeling stressed or anxious or depressed, feeling that you are inadequate in every way, uncomfortable with receiving the praise and the congratulations because you know, don't give it to me. I'm just a fraud, and someday you're gonna find out that I'm a fraud, disappointed over current accomplishments because you didn't measure up. Okay. Notice all of those pretty much start with one or two words, the feeling of, or the fear of. So, imposter syndrome is just a big bunch of feelings that are bringing you fear.

Now, let's put some science behind this, because Harvard Business Review has some psychological experts. In fact, it was psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne IMEs, who developed this concept, and they coined the word to begin with. They're the ones who termed imposter syndrome or imposter phenomenon, and they posted that despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments. Women who experience the impostor phenomenon persist in believing that they are really not bright and that they fooled everyone, and anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't come into the light yet. They said that they're the women who are very accomplished, basically feel that it's just a matter of time before they get found out.

But I wanna tell you today, and there's been so much talk about it, that I almost hesitated to bring it up, but I do still feel that it has its presence in midlife women who were successful in their life before they hit 40, 50, maybe even 60. You might struggle with this. And you think that all of your success, that all of your accomplishments and accolades were because of your youth or your vitality, and that it's gone, and you no longer possess those things, and that it's just you're never gonna be able to be brilliant, brave, bold, or beautiful ever again. That is just nothing. But doubt it is skepticism. It is unbelievable. It is insecurity raising its ugly head and confronting you and speaking to you in ways that are enhancing your insecurity and causing you to shrink and causing you to diminish yourself. And you need to take a firm stance against it. Stop it, and shut that noise down.

All of us begin at this transition of midlife with a fresh slate in many ways. We're getting used to our new bodies that are now in perimenopause or post menopause, our new lines on our face, new skin that doesn't seem as fresh as it used to be, or new relationships, a new phase of life. We all have to own our identity. Again, feel comfortable in our own skin, and for some of us, this is a wonderful season where we don't feel like we have to people-please anymore, where our opinions now feel validated. We've lived enough life to know that we have what I call pink sage, female wisdom. We know some things, and our kids, even if they roll their eyes at people or us, were like, no, we know what we're talking about, don't we? We have wisdom. We've earned it. We understand it. We've earned every single one of these lines on our faces in the gray hairs that we still wanna cover up. So it's time for you to reclaim your inner hero. Understand that the gifts that you have, the value that you bring, it's real, it's true. It's yours. It's not fading just because we might see our youth, uh, bidding us a due saying, Bye-bye. Our wisdom isn't our talent, isn't our skill, isn't our discernment, isn't saying goodbye. Our intuition isn't saying goodbye. It is here. It is strong. It is better than ever.

So remember, imposter syndrome is the real imposter. Imposter syndrome is the fraud. It is the liar. It is not real. So tell it. I don't accept you. I know who you are. I know what you're trying to do. I believe. It is an entity, I believe it's a demonic entity. I believe that it, there, it has its roots in the enemy who's trying to keep you out of your season, your next assignment from God.

So I'm gonna give you, real quickly, the time that we have. I wanna give you seven ways to overcome imposter syndrome quickly. One question, negative thoughts. Write down your doubts and then question this. Is this true? Once you see it on paper, you'll see how ridiculous it is. So you're gonna replace that thought with truth, and I want you to separate feelings from fact. Feelings lie facts. Those are evidence, and even facts are not always the truth. There may be a fact in there that. You know what? I had a reversal, I had a failure. I had something that didn't go exactly like I wanted to on paper, maybe. Maybe that fact looks negative. Ask God about that. Write it down and question it. God, do you call this a failure, or have you taught me an invaluable lesson? Have I grown in wisdom and ability because of this thing?

Number two. Discuss your feelings. If you feel inadequate, discuss it with a trusted advisor. You know, I'm in a switch of seasons. I'm in a transition, and I'm actually in a transformation. A metamorphosis is going on, and I feel a little cocooned. Let me talk about this with a trusted advisor. Let the pressure out.

Alright, number three. Let go of perfectionism. It's a fallacy anyway. And what's perfection to you? It might be perfection to somebody else. It might look like plastic or overdone, maybe. Imperfection is somebody's preference. So accept your imperfections, accept them, and love yourself in spite of them. And thank God for how he created you, for how you think, for how you're wired. Let yourself off the hook.

You know, for the last eight months now, I've been wearing Invisalign. I don't have them with me right now. I've taken 'em off for this podcast episode, but I've been showing up with these Invisalign liners on, and because I want to perfect the teeth that were always imperfect, that always bothered me, and you finally get 'em right. And somebody came up to me, and she goes, Aw, I miss your smile. I loved your teeth. Well, the thing that I thought was something that drove me nuts was something that somebody else found very lovely and endearing about me. And to be honest, I didn't do it for cosmetic purposes. I had to get Invisalign because my bite was going. Off, but that's another episode too. Have you noticed that a few things change here and there in our lives, but my smile. Something that someone loved and adored about me, so just let go of that perfectionism. It's a fallacy.

Number four, make failure your friend. We talked about it a moment ago, but failure is educationally rich for you. It's filled with all kinds of benefits for you. It's like a vitamin. It's gonna make you healthier if you take it. And extract the lesson and learn and grow and develop, and yeah, it hurts. It hurts like crazy. I've had some, and there are times when you wanna crawl in a hole and run away. And in that shame, by the way, shame that makes you wanna hide because I didn't do it well enough. Evaluate what went wrong, learn from it. Do it again. Start over. Try again. I could tell you all of the people in life who are famous today, but had a gazillion failures before they hit it, before they landed on the recipe that worked. Colonel Sanders is one of 'em speaking a recipe.

All right, number. Five, set clear, measurable, and realistic goals for yourself. Break them down into small tidbits and bites that are very easy to win. And then celebrate yourself. Learn to celebrate yourself. Watch yourself develop some evidence that says, I can do this.

I just recently recorded my 200th episode, 200 episodes of this podcast, and I just took a moment to celebrate myself. 200 conversations to you, midlife women, 200 conversations about how you're enough in your adequate or what to do in menopause, or how to fix a broken relationship. 200 episodes of me showing up to do the work, knocking out another episode just for you from my heart to yours. I had to celebrate that. That's evidence. I'm not a fraud. I'm not a failure. I'm not. I'm not an imposter. I'm doing the deal. I decided that 200 episodes equaled five years. No wonder I'm tired. All right.

Number six, don't compare your ability to anyone else's, you know, comparison. It is such a trap. It's a snare. Don't do it. Don't do it on Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok. Don't do it on LinkedIn. This, don't do it. Don't compare. If you wanna compare anything, compare yourself to yourself and make sure that you're growing and getting better every day, and that you're wiser today and you're braver today, and that your confidence is where it needs to be. That's all you need to worry about. Don't compare yourself.

And finally, seven, move forward. Don't let imposter syndrome crop up when it does. If it does crop up, don't let it stop you. And maybe you don't relate to the word imposter syndrome. But maybe you would relate to the word or self-doubt. Questioning yourself, not confident in your decision-making, floundering, confused, feeling foggy when those things crop up, despite the negative feelings, take the next right step into whatever it is that you're called to do. Do the next episode. Write the next book. Write at least. Write the next paragraph. Start the business. Open the daycare. Do the doggy suds, bath, and grooming business, whatever it is, just nudge yourself forward just a little bit.

And remember your affirmations that code your brain, say, this is how you think, this is what you believe in. I am adequate. I am smart enough. I am worthy of good things. I am successful. I can receive applause. I can receive the love that somebody's trying to share. So the favor of God put you here wherever you are. It's the favor of God. So receive it, honor it, allow it. Thank God for it. God prepared you for this. This is your moment. This is your season, so don't quit.

Alright? That's what I have for you today. I hope it's been a blessing. For you. And if you want my free download for this episode, I have it for you. It's all of those brave affirmations that you need to say over and over and over again. And you can find those braveheartedwoman.com/resources, and you'll find all kinds of free gifts there.

And by the way, you might also be a great candidate for my coaching program. It is all video. It's self-paced. You can learn it. You can rewatch it, you can take notes, and there's a complete notebook that goes with it, and it will help you in this transition season to live every day. Brave. You might notice when you're in there that I've given you an acronym called BRAVE, where I break down for you my five fortitude methods of living life. The way you will conquer and be successful in everything if you follow it. So don't miss that.

Alright, everybody, Dawn Damon is leaving you like I always do. Is this your season? Find your brave and live your dreams!