Why We Burn Out and How to Prevent It with Ashly Balza

Dawn Damon: Well, hey, there are all you beautiful, amazing, brilliant, bravehearted women. Once again, I'm your girl here, Dawn Damon, and I've got an amazing guest for you.

with severe septic illness in: 2018

Hey, Ashly.

Ashly Balza: Hi, Dawn. How are you today?

Dawn Damon: I'm doing great. I actually got some good news here a little while ago, so I'm doing very well. I just found out that my book was nominated for an award, so I'm happy. Yeah, thank you.

Ashly Balza: Congratulations.

Dawn Damon: Thank you so much.

you. What happened to you in: 2018

Ashly Balza: Well, first, like I said, thank you so much for having me on.

, but that's okay. So back in: 2018

When you're 34 years old, well, let's see. 33 years old, whatever it was, however old I was at the time. That's kind of humbling and a little embarrassing, if you will, at, you know, just to think about that. But I couldn't get out of bed. Every time I got up, it felt like I was going to black out. Then I started to get sick and I said to my husband, I was like, I think I'm very dehydrated. I don't trust myself being home with the kids by myself. Can you take me to the emergency room?

For me to ask something like that is very rare. So he came home from work. He took me into the emergency room and they're like, well, you just have a virus. You have to fight through it. Okay, fantastic. They gave me fluids and sent me home.

Another week goes by and now it's like an elephant is sitting on my chest like I'm just having a hard time breathing. By this time, all the other symptoms had gone away, but other ones had taken their place. It was still one of those things of I was either in bed or on the couch. I was struggling to breastfeed because my body just didn't have enough nutrients. I wasn't really hungry and I was again, severely dehydrated.

So one of the nights, thankfully our church at the time had set up a meal train for us and a friend came over and she's like, I really don't like how you're breathing. I just kind of ignored it because I was kind of in this trance if you will. I wasn't really necessarily all there. It was just kind of a blur. All of a sudden I got really hot, like my fever didn't get above 101 degrees. So it was a very odd kind of thing and my midwife was like, you know, if it gets to this point, you need to go in. But it never got that far.

So all of a sudden when I got really hot, I asked my kids, I'm like, get me ice packs and I'm like shouting at this point, cause I'm just boiling laying on the couch. My husband had the air conditioner and we live in Wisconsin. So, you know, like it gets hot, but then, you know, when you got AC on, you can make it pretty cold and he's like, it's like 62 degrees in here. You are going to freeze us out. He loves it cold.

So he took me back into the emergency room and they ran all these tests. They were concerned about heart failure. They're like, you have so much fluid on you. We don't know why or where it's coming from. That could be a sign of heart failure and my oxygen levels were in the sixties. So they said, it's like, you're running a marathon sitting down. There's something not right here. So they admitted me into the ICU. They threw a whole bunch of antibiotics at me because at the time they didn't know what was going on and the pulmonologist who works at our local hospital, tried to do a fluid draw from my back. It didn't work. He is like, the fluid is too thick. I have to send you to IR, one of the departments in the hospital to place chest tubes. I was like, uh, what? So I went down. At first, I thought that they were only gonna do one, and then by the time I woke up from the sleepy night, night medication that they gave me, they're like, okay, your tubes are placed and I was like, tubes? Plural they're like, yes. So I had one on each side to drain the fluid and they did some testing and came back that it was a strep, a bacterial infection, so just like strep throat that had gone septic and was pretty much overtaking my body. They were very surprised that I honestly had not died because of the severity of it.

The biggest thing too, was they couldn't figure out where it came from. They're like, you're a mystery and in the medical world, you never want to be that. So they ended up putting in a PICC line. I came home after 10 days of being in the hospital. I had a PICC line inserted. So I had to do antibiotics at home for two weeks and had in-home nursing. After that, my fever came back. So I called and they sent me back into the hospital for another two and a half days, and ended up doing more tests and other procedures to find out that there was like a pocket of fluid that had walled off around my liver. They're like, I don't think it's from the original infection. So they sent me home on oral antibiotics, but they were very worried that I would almost need like a bone marrow like either transplant or something to do with like a bone marrow check, essentially, and my infectious disease doctor was like, I don't agree with that. That's a little extreme. You're just missing one part of your white blood cells. Like you have an immune system. We just need to activate it a little more to get the rest of this stuff out. So, come to find out after prodding the doctors and being my own best advocate. They discovered that the particular antibiotic I was on through the PICC line could be an allergic reaction. It's just not a typical one. It's typically pretty rare, but that depletes the white blood cells enough. So they put it in my chart as an allergy, but they said, If in case of an emergency, we can still give it to you. We just have to monitor you a lot more closely. So I was like, Oh, that's fantastic. But I had to, right? I had to be my own best advocate because they kept saying, no, it's not the antibiotic. It's not this, it's not this.

Finally, a doctor took the time to research and to look and say, yes, it can be. So I was like, okay, great. So, being your own best advocate is so critically important, especially when you're going through something like that.

Dawn Damon: Yeah and I want to just touch on that again because we cannot overstate that enough. You've got to advocate for yourself. You've got to communicate what's going on.

You know, I know sometimes I go to the doctor with my husband because he's not always the greatest at sharing everything and all of the details. So we have to give as much information as possible, but I like what you're saying. You have to advocate for yourself. You have to open up and share your voice and don't be afraid to keep pressing the issue, right? Because they are practicing medicine. They don't always know.

Ashly Balza: Yes, exactly. Like, that whole experience really led me to where I am today, as far as the self-care piece, not just advocating for yourself in a hospital setting or in the doctor's office, but advocating for your own self-care is so critically important because when you're going and going and you're burning the candle at both ends, not taking care of yourself, burning yourself out. You end up in a situation like that you end up severely dehydrated or you end up with kidney issues or anything chronic that can happen because you're not paying attention to the signs and symptoms that your body is giving you and I get it. I'm stubborn. I don't want to be in the hospital and you probably don't want to be either. So avoiding that altogether is something that can happen when you're paying attention to what your body is telling you and taking those extra rest days.

Dawn Damon: So let's talk about that for a moment because that is what you do now. First of all, I'm so glad that you're doing well. That was very traumatic. You've gone on to have yet another child, right? Or is it just six? Have I just prophesied?

Ashly Balza: No, it's six biological. So before we started having our own kids, we were foster parents.

Okay. So our foster son, who we later adopted after he graduated from Marine Corps boot camp, was an adult when we adopted him, and he completed the series of children, if you will, With number seven and that's the reason I'm also grandma is because he's got two little boys now. And it's quite an interesting story. People are kind of like, how does that work? Like he's 26 and you're 37. Like those numbers just don't compute and that's how he was our foster son when we adopted him.

Dawn Damon: That's beautiful, and that's another story I'm sure all of in itself. So thankful that you're doing well, you do glow, and you do look like you're really walking in health, but you had to learn that. So, what are some symptoms? What are some signs? What are those things that people should be paying attention to that might say, Hey, you gotta pull back and, and pay attention, be aware, advocate for yourself, find your voice, because you're headed for maybe a crash.

Ashly Balza: Yeah, so a lot of times it can be just as simple as insomnia, maybe you're not sleeping well. It could be migraines or chronic migraines. Look at what you're putting into your body. Is it where you have like digestive issues may be going on because you're so stressed? Let's be honest, a cancer diagnosis because your body has raised cortisol levels and you're kind of always in this fight or flight response and you have increased and chronic inflammation going on. The disease comes from chronic inflammation. So if you're not getting to the root cause of that chronic inflammation and what's going on in the body, and I'm telling you, I'm not a medical professional at all, but these are just things that I've learned from those medical professionals around me and the ones that I see and myself personally znd just things that I've learned that chronic inflammation is the root of all disease within the body.

So, if you can look in the mirror and you're like, man, look at these dark circles under my eyes. I look like I've aged 20 years. You're just exhausted. Maybe you're starting to pull away from activities you love. Maybe you're starting to isolate yourself from your family. Even if you're finding it harder to get out of bed. Things like that are all signs of burnout. Now, burnout and depression. Sometimes they have very similar symptoms. So are you depressed or are you burned out? That's something to really look at and dig further into. Again, I'm not a medical professional. Talk to your medical professional and say, Hey, this is what's going on. And if you're not getting the answers from your doctor, and all they want to do is give you a prescription to cover up a symptom, then maybe it's time to look outside of the Western medicine approach and go a different route. So it's just things like that.

Again, I've learned, I've seen, even within myself, I really had to have somebody almost give me a knock on the head and it was a pastor friend and tell me, Ashly, why are you seeking value? Even in your husband, your value comes from God, the one who created you. So stop seeking the value of man and your husband. Like, yes, you can love him, but at the same time, your value and your worth are not found in him. I was like, Oh, and then the light bulb switched because especially after I was sick, I was choosing to live in this world of high expectation expectations. I knew my husband was never ever going to meet and I put all of this pressure on him. That didn't belong there and that was literally like a light bulb moment for me of okay.

Okay. One, I need to do something for myself, which is why I started on this journey. Then it became a path and just something that kind of pulled me out of those depressive moments and those sad moments and just living in that victim mentality. Yeah, it happened to me, but now what am I going to do about it? What are we going to do about it? Like God granted me more time on this earth because I have a message and I think it was really one of those things too. I needed to humble myself. I was doing too much on my own and not relying on God to help fill in those places and go his way.

Dawn Damon: I want to bring us back just a minute because I think you said something that will really resonate powerfully with so many women and that is that you're looking for your value. You're looking for not just you, but we do this as women. We're looking for our affirmation and our value to come through someone to speak it to us, whether it's our children or our spouse or some leaders, somebody identifies something wonderful about me and affirms me or our performance. You get on that treadmill because I am a chronic driver personality. I've been set free from that, but it's my temperament, but it's also.

My upbringing was just needing to prove to myself that I was valuable, that I was worthy to take up space, and that I deserved to breathe because I had so much shame and embarrassment when I never wanted myself to have any needs. So I was always repressing my voice, but I was driving for success. So that is a very fast track for burnout. When we think that our value comes from what we do or the titles that we have. And certainly, it is a part of that. Our identity is wrapped up in that, but we can't find our value and our worth from what we do or our titles or our relationships, because you're right. You're setting your husband up for failure. Cause he's not going to meet those needs. Kids aren't gonna, and someday they're going to leave the nest and then we're going to go, Oh, now who am I? So did you find that when your pastor was speaking to you, and he drew your attention to this, the light was going on that you could see that, boy, my value has to come from my creator and not my spouse, so you embark on this journey.

What else did you learn? What were you learning at this time? You said, I can be a victim or I can snap out of it and say, okay, this happened to you, but maybe it happened to you. My words. Talk to us about what you were discovering in that place. Let's see.

Ashly Balza: For me, it was more so how to begin to love me, how to begin to find who I was. I'm not just a mom. I'm not just a wife. I'm not just a business owner. Like I am a daughter of the most high King. It was a process, but it drove me deeper into my faith and that was something that it really did one 80. Because also during that time. Like that recovery period after I got out of the hospital until my pastor friend had spoken that over me, my marriage was like in hell. It really was. It was attacked. It was just not doing well.

Again, it was because of those expectations that I had on my husband that again, we're never going to go anywhere. So we were very at each other and a lot of tension, but in that time when I realized, okay, if I'm going to truly seek where my value comes from and dig deeper into my faith, what is this going to do for my marriage now? So then it began this process of like silently praying over my husband. I couldn't expect him to change what I had to do the work on my end.

In that timeframe, we also started going to a different church. So that was, you know, a new thing for us, a new beginning, if you will. It brought us closer together. Again, like, and it was an immediate thing. It took time to get there, but then now we work together. We own a business together. That's our only source of income is the business he created in that process. So it's brought us closer. It's brought us closer to our faith. It's a complete 360, not even a 180.

It's a 360. It was a lot of learning about, like I said, who I was and what I could bring to the table as a wife who didn't have expectations and strings attached to it. So, there was just a lot of learning that and reminding even my husband too that, hey, I need to get away. So we started implementing where maybe once a year or something like that I'm gone for an entire weekend and he's with the kids just to give me that break. Then there are little pieces, you know, little afternoons or a couple of hours here and there that I can still get away.

Just recently he and I took a vacation, like together, just the two of us, we got on a plane and flew to a different state. Like that doesn't happen. It's starting to date one another again and just become one and not in separate corners of like, I can't stand you today. Get away from me kind of a thing. So it's really just. Surrender is a big thing and just being able to be vulnerable when I need something. If I need to get away, if I need to take a bath, like whatever it is, like, allow me to do that. Because it's gonna, you know, decompress me. I want everybody to just get away from me, don't touch me, like, just kind of, you know. You've overstimulated me for the day. Like, I just need a break and take myself to dinner.

But just, again, recognizing who I am versus getting lost in the throes of motherhood because it is very easy. You know, I've heard a lot of women even when they are empty nesters and they're like, who am I? I don't know who I am because you've been so focused on raising children, like you just forget what are the things that you enjoy doing, where are the places you enjoy going, what's your favorite meal, like do you even know, when's the last time you had it, like just thinking about those things is very eye-opening because we lose it so very true.

Dawn Damon: So, you know, this medical emergency, which I hear you say, I don't ever want to be hospitalized again, ever. And to that end, you're doing everything in your human power to take care of yourself. But at the same time, this event was. a watershed moment. It really upended and turned your life around and caused you to go down a path that, you know, God is entrusting you with this testimony in this story, but also this wisdom to say, I'm hearing you say, self-care is important. Time with God is important. Finding your voice threaded out through what you're saying, but ultimately knowing your assignment from God, who am I? I'm a daughter of the most high God. Then what is my purpose? Who am I, God? And what have you called me to do on this earth?

Obviously he's given you a beautiful family. That's your priority, but you're an entrepreneur. You started a business. So as our time is kind of running away from us here, I do want to hear about what you discovered and the business that you all started. Because your skin is glowing. So I'm going to say it has something to do with that. Talk to us about that.

Ashly Balza: Yes. So after that, you know, fateful illness, and when I was in recovery, I decided to go into the direct sales industry and join arms with a skincare company. It literally has changed. My outlook on my confidence and just showing up on camera, on social media, in pictures, whatever it is, because my skin was not good. It wasn't for a very, very long time. It has now done the 360, it's different, and it gives me more confidence to be on camera. It gives me more confidence to be in photos with my kids.

I tried going back years from when I started having kids to find photos of me. I could hardly find any. I would take photos of my kids and of my husband with our kids. But not with me. If I did, I always had like a baby hiding my face, if possible. Because my skin was broken out. My skin looked terrible. I wasn't someone that really wanted to be in photos looking like that. Like, I don't want my kids to look back on these pictures and grant it again. Do they really care? No, but I did.

Now I love taking selfies. My kids and I take photos together all the time and I can walk out of the house without makeup on. So I really dove into the skincare industry and that's where my self-care journey honestly started. I had to start with something simple that I could implement with more of a consistent mindset versus, okay, yeah, I'll go get that massage, but wait, I don't have the money for that. That's going to take three hours. Like, we think that the self-care thing has to be such this big, elaborate, you know, expensive thing and we forget about the basic, simple things we can do at home that are free and that don't cost us a lot of money.

So I started with my skincare and that's where it all began. Then it slowly has led into, you know, again, I can take a weekend away or I can go get my nails done or like those more extravagant things, if you will, but really I just look at it as something simple that isn't going to be a huge expense because we are a big family and let's face it, everything is more expensive. But it's just something that I can do here at home and I can share it with others. So that's where that led.

Dawn Damon: You know, as we're closing, thank you so much for sharing your story. You are a very brave girl and you are an amazing mom. You have beautiful children. I've seen some of those pictures.

Ashly Balza: Thanks.

Dawn Damon: And a grandma, but just a little bit of a shift, what would you say to someone who wants to start a business? They want to prioritize themselves, not in a selfish way, but in a self-care way. How would you encourage them to be brave?

Ashly Balza: Honestly, just do it. You never know what can happen. If you don't take that step forward. So instead of thinking like, what if in a negative way, like, what if I fail? Think of it, but what if you soar? What if you fly? Like, what if you're successful? And the only way you will fail is if you quit. So keep pushing forward.

If it's something that is truly on your heart and you feel like it's something that God has for your purpose, if you've got a message to spread or whatever it is, if you feel like that is where you're called to be, no more excuses, just do it because you can come up with the excuses all day, every day, and you can live miserably because You have those regrets and you're like, Oh man, I wish I would have. Well, what's stopping you? You can be 20, you can be 60, 70, 80, just take the leap. You never know where you're going to go. When the student is ready, what is that phrase that Forbes always says when the student is ready, the net will appear or the teacher will appear?

Dawn Damon: The teacher will appear. Yes. That's very well said and I agree, you know, with it's in your heart and it doesn't go away and it keeps rattling around in there and kind of pounding on the basement door of your soul, open it up and let it go. Take that risk and I agree with you. Don't let what if turn into, if only, if only I would have taken that risk,

Ashly, you're so gracious. You said at the beginning of the podcast, before we got on here, that you have a free gift that you want to offer. How can people find you and how can they reach you and your offer today?

Ashly Balza: Well, the easiest way to find me is going to be on Facebook. Just search Ashly Balza and the free gift for you is to set up a 30-minute self-care consult with me. Let's go over your self-care plan and really talk about how you can begin to implement self-care. Because again, running the rat race of life and just pushing it aside, make it a nonnegotiable. Take the time and schedule a call.

Dawn Damon: Wonderful and I'll have all of that available for you in the show notes, my dear bravehearted woman.

Ashly, thank you so much for joining us today. This has been my guest, Ashly Balza. She is a mom raising six kids, a grandma of two, glowing with her beautiful skin, but most importantly, glowing from the inside out. Thank you for being with us today.

Beautiful Bravehearted women, I'm going to leave you like I always do. This is Dawn Damon, your Braveheart Mentor, asking you, is it time for you to find your brave and live your dreams?