You can CHANGE your Life today - Here’s how!

Dawn Damon: Well, my guest today knows a little bit. There is something about life quakes and seasons of ground-shaking change that can make you feel like everything around you is crumbling. She's the director of compelling writers training at P31 ministries, bestselling author of seven books, and founder of the Living Unbroken Divorce Recovery Program. Her latest book, God's Got You: Embracing New Beginnings with Courage and Confidence is now available. Yay. So please welcome my guest today, Tracie Miles.

Hi, Tracie! Welcome to the Bravehearted Woman.

Tracie Miles: Hi there. Thanks so much for having me today.

Dawn Damon: We're so glad that you're joining us today. We want to hear about your story and you call it something like a life quake. We want to talk about that a little bit today on the program. But as I was going through your book and reading, I'm seeing eight years ago, that you felt like the train of your life derailed and slammed into a brick wall. What happened?

Tracie Miles: Well, unfortunately, what happened was what happens to a lot of women and sometimes many men also is that life was trucking along. I thought everything was going pretty good, although my husband and I had, you know, our challenges, and some things had been kind of brewing under the surface. We had three kids in high school and in college, and then a lot of things came to light. That is unacceptable within a marriage and I'm just going to leave it at that. And that pretty much just turned my world upside down as it would for anyone.

So it was kind of like, I've used the analogy of a train, you know, slamming into your life and just scattering debris everywhere, but it's also just like that earthquake. So that's where I kind of came up with this lifequake term because your whole entire life is just shaken up and turned upside down. Things are lost. Destruction seems everywhere. And you just wonder if you can really. Dig your way out of it and I sober under.

Dawn Damon: So identify with what you're saying, because I have such a similar story. In fact, you know, we talked about it before we started recording it. I could literally sign my name to your documents probably, or your book, and like, yeah, we have the same story. But you already mentioned that it's not uncommon. It happens so often. In fact, women our age have one of the highest numbers of divorces going on right now in our culture. I think a lot of women experience those secrets coming to light. And so what happened then? I mean, you went from a family and activity and being a we to now you're a me, you're broke and you're alone. You're the sole provider. What happened? How did you endure?

Tracie Miles: Well, it was a lot of tears, a lot of anger at God for just allowing things to happen. Anger at my spouse for things that had taken place and sadness for my children. And just, I've expressed this term before, but really just mourning the loss of the living, because of the person that I had loved. They didn't pass away. They were just living a different life and not with me, but you know, you're still kind of left trying to pick up those pieces and just mourning the loss of the life that you knew. Like many people who have been through this, I can relate was just a very, very difficult time. I spent way too many months just grieving that and crying and feeling hopeless and embarrassed about, you know, things that were coming out and just You name it emotion. I fear I had it. It was not a great time. It took a while to kind of pull out of that, but God has done great things since then.

Dawn Damon: Amen. He always does. But, you know, sometimes we go through the valley of the shadow of death.

Tracie Miles: Exactly.

Dawn Damon: To get to the other side. I, again can identify, you know, a lot of the ladies that listen to this podcast are women who are in the ministry. They're authors, they're speakers, and they're pastors. I'm a pastor. I think there's a double whammy or like just even more intensity when you're a woman in the ministry going through a divorce I don't know if you felt like this, but I really felt like you said shame like I let everybody down and I couldn't keep my marriage together and who am I to tell anyone anything and Did you have those feelings? I mean women listening right now. They need some hope to know just because you've gone through this doesn't mean your days of ministering for god are over you, right?

Tracie Miles: But that is exactly what you think. That is exactly what I thought because I had left my corporate job, which was a great job, a great salary, all the things like 15 years earlier to raise my children, because I really felt God calling me out to do. Just speaking at the time, which gradually evolved into writing, now I have eight books and many of them birthed out of this experience, but my initial thoughts were, I can't do this anymore. I can't be in ministry anymore. I had the scarlet letter on my chest and aside from that, my heart is not full of joy. How can I encourage other people? How can I profess God's word and believe in his promises when right now I'm kind of questioning what's happening and why God allowed this to happen ironically?

But in hindsight, it was a God-ordained thing, but just a few months before all of these things came to light that, you know, caused our separation. I had received a two-book contract from my publisher. So I was tasked with writing these two new books. Of course, I'm thinking, well, that's out the window. I am definitely, I don't have any words to write. I can't function or form a sentence. My thoughts and emotions are everywhere. I just kind of succumbed to the fact that I'm not going to be able to write anymore. I can't do ministry anymore. I work for Proverbs. 31 ministries as a speaker and a writer on the devotions team. And so I've just felt like not only did my personal life implode, but it's just going to trickle out and ruin everything that I worked for 20 years.

Dawn Damon: Oh, I so hear you and feel you. But what we know today is those are lies. They're scary lies from the enemy. It's fear speaking that great song. Fear is a liar, but it feels true and we believe it's true so why wouldn't it be true? Because now I'm damaged goods. Like I said, a moment ago, what can I say to anyone when I can't even keep my family together?

But I love this quote in your book. You say that, ‘Sometimes God takes us on a journey. We didn't know what we needed in order to bring us to everything we didn't even know we wanted.’ And I'm very curious about what I've learned. Right? Me too. I'm like, I would not have gone through that again. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy because it's very, very painful, but to have what I have today and to have the love and the relationship and the ministry and all that God has birthed out of that pain, I'd say, ‘Lord, allow it to happen again and again.’ So you've written eight books. Obviously, you turned the corner from grief. Do you remember the moment when it started to happen when the slice of sunshine began to break through some of the clouds? Could you feel that? I remember that time for me.

Tracie Miles: Yeah, I actually wrote about, I don't know which book, but wrote about this story and I hadn't thought about it in a while, but there was one morning and they had been many months and I had kind of just decided, you know, I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being miserable and feeling hopeless and thinking, ‘Okay, life's over and I'm never going to be happy again.’ So I really put a lot of effort into it.

The writing of the book that I was working on and God was healing my own heart through the writing of that and that's topic and subject matter. But I remember walking out to my mailbox one day, one morning, just to get the mail, a random activity that we all do every day, but, and this is going to sound kind of cheesy, but the sun was shining, it was a Christmas morning. There was two little bunnies running around in the yard and the birds were It just felt like this fresh breath of air. I just felt this joy in my heart. It almost took me by surprise that, ‘Oh, I can still feel joy. I can still be happy.’ And just that tiny little moment that I experienced just by myself, walking down the driveway to the mailbox was a little bit of a turning point when I realized. It's not all bad. Life will go on and I'm going to be okay. God's still walking with me and he's going to bring good things out of this, even though I didn't know what good things at the time, you know, you just have to hang on to that hope and believe that.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. That's so important. What you're saying and listening, bravehearted women that are tuning into this, maybe you feel like you've awakened to another morning of gloom and storm and depression and sadness. You don't think that will ever happen for you, but Tracie's proof I'm proof that one morning, you know, God's word says his mercies are new every morning. We just don't always see them, but that morning you did and you felt it and it'll happen for you too.

Okay. So I love the title of your new book, and maybe it shares a little bit about your story. Because we always talk about being brave and it takes courage to be in midlife, right? Right. Reinvent and reshape your life. Your book is called God's Got You: Embracing New Beginnings with Courage and Confidence. How can we do that with the season that we're in?

Tracie Miles: Well, I'll back up if I may, just a little bit. Because the book that I wrote, had to be written within six to eight months of my husband leaving. Of course, that's why it felt so impossible. The funny story is I wrote an entire book and then the publisher pretty much for the first time ever said, ’Okay, this is not what we're looking for.’ And of course, I was devastated and I'm like, now you want me to write another book, but it really was such a blessing because it wasn't the book. Because I got words on paper. That was all I could mentally do.

But then once I really started praying and saying, ‘Okay, now what am I supposed to write about?’ I wrote a book called Unsinkable Faith, and it's about transforming your thoughts because that changes your emotions and your actions and it transforms your life altogether. So as I was walking out on this journey of trying to change my perspective, be positive, and learn how to be an optimist in the world. Very negative situations. God really changed my heart and my whole heart went into that book. Then the following book was Love Life Again. I shared some of my story in Unsinkable Faith, just as the foundation. But the topic is that no matter what your situation, your thoughts are going to run your life. So, do you want to run your life? We have to make that choice. Then I was like, ‘Okay, well, it's time like that moment.’ I just told you that, I want to love my life again. I don't want to just keep living, being content, you know, or miserable or whatever situation you're in.

So I wrote that book and then God had given me such hope for the future that then I wrote a book specifically for divorced women. Like I said, there is some men that read my books, but, you need a girlfriend. It's easy to feel very alone when you're going through divorce 'cause people don't know what to say or did they take another side or they leave you and you just don't know where to turn true and you think you're all alone in a way that you feel. So that book was specifically for helping women going through that know how to heal and make it.

Dawn Damon: I'm so glad you did that and don got you.

Tracie Miles: Yeah. Came right after that. So that's why I'm telling you this is because it is like a progression. And I just want to tell everyone going through that you've got this. That's the gist of this book I want somebody to be so motivated and so excited with just fuel. You know, just like that fire underneath them. That, ‘Okay I've been thinking life couldn't be different, but hey, maybe it can.’ I've been thinking I can't pursue this dream that I've been wanting to do, or I can't have the life that I wanted to live, but it's like girl, you can do that. So I just give a lot of tips and strategies. So where the other ones were more like trying to heal and transform and change. This one has so much encouragement in it, but also I want to give people that get up and go, and this tips, and strategies for how to do that.

Dawn Damon: Yes. I love that because that's kind of how my brain is wired. Like I want encouragement, but now I want a strategy. I want to plan, you know, I am a typical type, you know, let's do something, which sometimes God's saying, ‘Yeah, the doing is going to be for you to let go and do nothing.’ But sometimes that is the case.

Tracie Miles: Yeah. Nothing's going to move forward. If we stay stuck. Love that Joyce Meyer quote, it says you can't drive a parked car or something like that. It's so true.

Dawn Damon: Right and I had the same experience where I was stuck in my grief and my pain. I, you know, let me honor my 28-year marriage. Let me honor that my children and my grandchildren don't have this unit anymore and that I'm not in the ministry temporarily. I was asked to step down from my role. So, you know, there was a lot of pain. There was a lot of loss, was a life quake. I want you to talk about that again, but we could get stuck in that space. But God gave me a vision of what could be, and I love it. You say it in your book. I'm going to see if I can quote it again. You say, “You can reinvent your life. You can reshape your life and your future. You can achieve the desires of your heart and you can begin again.” Such an important message.

Tracie Miles: That's something that God really, the beginning again part, which is part of the subtitle of the book is in new beginnings is I just kind of had this revelation one day. I was like, I'm tired of starting over. I had to start over in my career. I had to start over I'm having to start over as a single mom, and now as an empty nester, and now is, you know, this and that, and it just kept seeming to happen. God just really said, it's not starting over. Because you're not starting over from where you started with no experience, no memories, no wisdom under your belt. You're just beginning again. In a new season and it's a new beginning. So being able just to adopt that perspective, stop thinking about, ’Oh, everything's in the past and everything I can't change anything,’ but we can change anything that we really put our minds to, and if we map out some kind of blueprint for us to get there. If we have that perspective this is a new beginning. Not the ending of something else and I'm not having to start over from scratch.

Dawn Damon: That's so great. That's the perfect perspective and perspective matters concepts. It's not just gymnastics with words. It makes all the difference when you reframe and think about it differently. So what if somebody is feeling stuck? What would be maybe step one to moving forward?

Tracie Miles: Well, I always give this. If you can't change something, then change what you can and accept it. So, okay. I can't change it. I'm going to have to accept it. I wish it were different. This is not the circumstances I wanted. I didn't want this to be part of my story, whatever it is that someone's dealing with, but you can't change it, right?

So we can either stew in it and let it make us bitter, sad people who aren't enjoying life. Or we can choose to accept the fact that it happened and then start looking forward to what God's going to do in the new chapter, because not accepting it just keeps us paralyzed, but accepting it is the first step to opening the door for God to start doing something and to start working on our minds and our hearts so that we're prepared to do whatever that next thing is.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. Acceptance. That is a form of faith to say, I believe that this isn't the end. It is a new beginning and the God of new beginnings is not up there wringing his hands wondering what he's going to do with my life. He's got a beautiful artistic design for me. And I can trust him with this, even though there were times, I don't know if you did this Tracy, but I was like, Lord, I don't want this testimony because people, you know, you're going to have such a powerful testimony.

Tracie Miles: Yeah. Thank you.

Dawn Damon: I don't want this testimony. I don't want this, but acceptance is very powerful. What other stumbling blocks might fall in our way to keep us from moving forward?

Tracie Miles: Well, I think self-confidence can be one of those. One of the things I do talk a lot about in the book is just having courage. There's a difference between courage and confidence. I've started feeling like people get those backward. We think we have to have, let me be self-confident, and then I can step out in faith and do this, or let me be self-confident and then maybe I can.

You know, believe in me or trust in God, but we have to have the courage first and that courage is going to come from faith and there are so many characters in the Bible that. They weren't super confident. They didn't have self-esteem off the chart and they didn't. They doubted that what God had called them to do, but they moved forward with bravery. I talk about it in the book, just 20 seconds of bravery and that came from a movie I watched forever ago, but it just stuck with me. 20 seconds of insane courage and bravery can really change your life. Then as you accomplish that one thing, and you've taken that courageous step to whatever it is you're trying to do, maybe it's just getting out of bed the next day without crying. Maybe that's your courageous step, or maybe it's embarking on, I'm going to start this new ministry and I'm going to start researching it and looking into it and making strides. Whatever the case may be, I'm going to embrace this empty nest season and start learning to play tennis. You know, whatever it is, that didn't have to be something serious, or it could be something you just need to overcome, but once we take those first few courageous steps and we see what God can do, and we see what we're capable of, and then that confidence builds and builds and builds and then courage and confidence build and that's what really walk us into those new beginnings. Um, on the right foot.

Dawn Damon: Yep, that's so good. It's like Joyce Meyer said, just do it afraid. We're quoting Joyce today.

Tracie Miles: Yeah.

Dawn Damon: What a mentor she's been to so many of us women in ministry though, right? Powerful. But yeah, do it afraid. I mean, you said it well, I suppose when you were writing your book, you weren't filled with self-confidence. But you had to have the courage to go to that keyboard every day and keep writing. We don't have to believe in ourselves to do something. We just have to do it. Then you're saying the confidence then comes because then we're looking at a finished product perhaps and say, ‘Okay, see, I was capable of doing that.” And self-confidence begins to build on that. So that's so great. You also say in your book, that the best gift that we can ever give ourselves is to learn how to transition well. And you're talking to a woman who's had to do it too, and I just know what you mean. That is so important. Say more about that.

Tracie Miles: Well, we can kind of summarize it with just the things that I've talked about embracing it, looking at it as a new beginning, and not being mad that it's starting over. Setting strategic goals for yourself. I think that's super important. And that's something I really hone in on my book because you can read a book all day long and be like, ‘Oh, that's great! That was so encouraging. What a great idea.’ But if you don't actually implement, what you're learning into your everyday life. If you don't get pen to paper and start saying, these are the goals I want to have, this is the vision that I have for what I want my life to be, what I want to achieve, then you set little sub-goals on how are you going to make that? What steps are you going to take? So there's just so many things that. we have to do to get to where we want to be.

Dawn Damon: Yes. I love the pen to paper. I'm a huge journaler. In fact, I heard a recent statistic that you have about 37 seconds to write something down before you forget it. It is about seven minutes until it's gone forever. So if you have an idea or you have an inspiration or something, you have to write it down, especially, okay, my audience was midlife women. I don't even think I have seven seconds. I think I have three to write. I was going to say that about myself. I'd better use one second. It's just like right now, forget about it, right?

Tracie Miles: Yeah.

Dawn Damon: But that's exactly it. To believe and walk in faith, and sometimes our faith is beaten up by a gang of ugly facts, and we're looking at this is true now, and this is true now, and this is true.

Tracie Miles: Yep.

Dawn Damon: The Bible says of Abraham in Romans 4, I believe he says, Abraham saw the facts that his body was as good as dead. But he never weakened in his faith, believing God for the promise. So I still had promises that were not fulfilled yet. Now this catastrophic divorce, and I feel ashamed. I'm like, on the body of Christ, I was the black eye yet. I still had promises from God. So it takes faith to believe that he's not done with my life. I can make those choices. I loved what you said. We have to transition. Well, we can just choose it. We are not victims, right?

Tracie Miles: Well, another part of that too is just going back to that, our thoughts and just that transformation of our thinking. I think that's another way to transition. Well, is to start really making the verse about capturing your thoughts, giving them to God, thinking on things that are lovely, you know, anything in the Bible that speaks into that concept, that's what we need to do. Because if we stay stuck in negative thinking, that's where we're going to stay stuck in a negative life. You can't think negatively and expect to live a positive life. So I usually give people these three steps and it's just recognize what you're thinking, if it's negative, refuse to think it, and then the third thing is rephrase that. Instead of thinking, I could never do that, then be aware of the fact that I'm constantly telling myself I can't do it. Okay, I'm not gonna think that way anymore. Instead, I'm gonna think, okay, I can do it. Because God says all things are possible with him because God is on my side because I'm gonna put in the hard work to make it happen.

So if we just consistently try to start rephrasing our thinking patterns that will pivot us. And eventually, it becomes second nature and it's not something we have to remember to do or it becomes habit forming and it can change you from the inside out. It'll change your entire life.

Dawn Damon: Yep.

Tracie Miles: So true. It took me a while to figure that out. So I'm not saying that lightly.

Dawn Damon: Right. Same for me. I think that part of transitioning well is being a good steward of our thought life and managing that where there were days I was tempted. I'd much rather I was left, you know, I was abandoned and I would much rather play the victim card and tell my kids what a mean dad they have and tell my friends what he did to me and nurse that grudge.

You know, But at the end of the day, that didn't do anything for me, except to keep me even more stuck. Now I have more layers of unforgiveness. I got to work through it and it more hurt. Again, not to say that we don't feel what we're feeling and be honest about it. We're not trying to stuff it, but we process it and we release that and then recognize that yes, God does have an amazing and incredible life for me, but that transitioning well. As you put it is managing our thought life.

Well, yeah, that's part of the transition. Cause we could just, like you said, we could remain Joyce Meyer says this, you can complain and remain, or you can praise and be raised, you know, but isn't that true? I mean, these are truisms that we're sharing with the ladies today.

So how has God changed your life now? How did he orchestrate these seasons for you? You hear you are, you're doing such amazing things. You're coaching women or men maybe, but you're doing the Proverbs 31 woman in writing and speaking and devotionals. It's awesome what you're doing.

Tracie Miles: Oh, well, thank you.

Well, I certainly struggle with all the flaws and imperfections I have all the same doubts and insecurities that anyone else has, but I am always amazed at how each of my books has been birthed out of a really, really Heart experience and it really helps to fuel your faith to see. Each time he uses something bad for something good.

When I see that the words that God gave me are blessing other women. They're helping them. It's changing lives. It's not because of me. It's just because, you know, I'm the vessel that God's using to pin those words. And just, you know, he's given me a passion for coaching women. So that's what I do at Proverbs 31 ministries I work in the compelled pro writers training department and the director there.

So just to see God has taken it full circle to the fact that years ago, I'd never written a word. I'm like, I don't want to share my story, Lord. This was a whole nother story we could talk about on another podcast, but you know, I don't want to share, he just really called me to start doing that, and it's just evolved. The opportunities to write and be published, but now the opportunity to pour into other women who have a story that they want to share. I also coach women on one just through my own coaching business. So that's a full circle that I see. God has taken me in the last 20, 25 years. You know, from feeling completely worthless and incapable, and then having that life quake and then having to just rebuild it all over again. But he's everything, everything can happen if you just keep holding on.

Dawn Damon: Yes, that's beautiful to God be the glory. I mean, how amazing for you. We're so proud of you. You know, you've been brave. That's our favorite word around here. You are a bravehearted sister. We're so thankful because look at all of the things that wouldn't have come through your life to the world. Have you not finished that assignment?

Well, you had a choice, but you took God at his word and you came through it. We’re so grateful that you did. I just want to say this too, before we wrap up, I'm thankful that you wrote the course in the book on divorce because that's another brave step. It's one thing to go through it. It's another thing to tell the whole world about it and be willing to work with that population. I'm a survivor of childhood abuse. Those were the first few books that I wrote. It's like, okay, we're going to open this up. Yeah. You know, do I want to be the poster child for that? No, but that's, you know, that's the story. So thank you for doing that. And it took a while to get there.

Tracie Miles: The first couple of books I mentioned, I use my story, the foundation, but I don't tell a lot about it because I just wasn't in a place to share, but then over time, as I saw what God did in my heart and how he changed my life, I wanted to encourage other women in that way.

So in the living unbroken book, I really share. Maybe more than I even should have, but God has kind of cursed me with being overly vulnerable. So I just tend to do that, but it does help women relate and understand that everybody feels that way. It's okay that you feel that way and that you're struggling, but there's hope and you can make it.

Dawn Damon: Yes, beautiful. We're so grateful and we're so thankful that you came on the show today. We didn't have a chance to go through the SMART goals, but I think that's also in your book. It is. Where would everyone find your book? I'm sure we're going to hear it's on Amazon. Is that the best place to find your book?

Tracie Miles: It is on Amazon, any online book retailer, some stores, just depending on stock, but you can find out all the information about all of my books. If you want to see them all in one place on my website and about my author coaching services. And that's at traciemiles.com and Tracie is spelled with an I-E sometimes that throws people off.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. So it's traciemiles.com, T-R-A-C-I-E-M-I-L-E-S.com. There, you will find all of the things that you need to avail yourself of Tracy. Thank you so much for being on today. Final word for anyone listening.

Tracie Miles: I'll just leave it with the title of the book. God's Got You and you've got this.

Dawn Damon: Amen. That's a great way to end. And I will leave you as I always do my dear, beautiful, bravehearted sisters. This is Dawn Damon, the Braveheart Mentor and I'm asking you, is this your moment to find your brave and live your vision?