The Power of Your Story

Dawn Damon 0:07

Hey, beautiful women. This is Dawn Damon, the brave heart mentor and you're listening to the brave hearted woman. This is a podcast designed to help you find your brave so you can live out your beautiful vision. I have been working with women for years. And now I want to help you too. I'm here to awaken the brave heart inside of you. So you can ignite the flame of your vision, you can reach your goals and achieve your dreams. Come on this good brain.

Hey, Braveheart women, it is time for us to connect again. And I want to talk to you today about the power of your story. How to tell your story, you know, marketers demonstrate for us that power exists in telling authentic stories. Each of us tells ourselves and others selective narrative about ourselves about our lives. Sometimes, you know, we just focus on the highlight reel, right? We focus on our successes, our goals, our dreams. But we know that stories help us make sense of things people crave, and they need some theory or some conclusion about the significance of their lives and about the events that they've gone through relationships that they've had experiences that they've had. So the story you tell yourself, and the story you tell about yourself, carries incredible impact. So what's your story? I'm curious, as I asked that question, have you been telling an authentic, inclusive, comprehensive story about yourself? Have you been telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about yourself when we know that telling isn't easy. And I want to talk to you today about maybe telling a part of your story with authenticity, telling a part of your story with emotion, with feeling and with truth. And it's definitely not simple to tell our story, revealing perhaps a secret about ourselves. Maybe an abuse encounter. It's slippery. It's complicated. It's a it's a difficult step to take one which has no doubt been contemplated, maybe measured for a long time for you, you wonder, should I tell that part of my story, should I find help for that part of my story, but sometimes it's takes us years. Most of us It takes years to unpack the entirety of something about our lives that has been painful or traumatic. The impact of abuse, when you disclose something like that, or painful divorce, or you know, something that has happened dramatically to you it reverberates through that community and often the world. That's that's the power that your story can have. It's brave. It's heroic soul, who through apprehension and trembling still lunges ahead to tell their story. I've done that I've told my story, longing to shatter the silence, that sometimes shame has been. So I want to help you tell your story in a way that helps you heal. Let's talk about that today. The holistic part of telling your story connecting to your story. Oh my goodness, there's so much I can tell you about this. Well, let me let's first talk about this. Number one telling your story helps feelings of shame. subside. Because you know, silence locks us into a present a prison of secrets and shame. Secrets always gain velocity, you know, kind of like keeping all the balls underwater, so to speak. It creates a huge amount of internal stress and conflict even if you don't think it affects you. Even if it's not in your conscious. Your unconscious is doing a lot of work taking a lot of energy, using a lot of your stress soldiers if I can use that word to keep everything under for you. Secrets create withdrawal to By the way, guilt and hiding and abandonment. That stress of being known that fear of being found out or exposed. And then abandonment happens because you don't feel completely known by others you feel abandoned because of the secret that you have. So you start living on authentically and feel Feeling emotionally left alone. And we know that secrets and silence do indeed keep shame intact. So what lies in the darkness becomes fodder for every toxic polluted thing. We know any system that's closed begins to decay, right is that the third law of thermodynamics that a closed system begins to decay, or the second law telling releases, it opens the door, it lets the light in it releases the pressure, the stress comes out. Holding a secret keeps us hostage, but telling brings freedom. And so it begins to release the shame that we've been bound by the fear and the guilt. So if you've got a story, I want to encourage you to tell.

And we'll talk about that in a minute. How do you want how you want to tell your story. But that's the second point. talling helps you uncover false beliefs about the event, it helps correct the lies telling helps uncover and correct false beliefs. So after experiencing any kind of event, whether it is childhood abuse, whether it's the trauma of divorce, whether you struggled with an eating disorder, maybe your parents had a divorce, and you just felt neglected. And so you got caught up in drugs, or whatever your story is. And we all have one, survivors often see the world and others and especially you see yourself differently, through the lens, which you now see life, it is been radically impaired, after you've experienced some kind of painful trauma, trauma, or event, instead of truth. distortion prevails. You say I'm weak, I'm stupid, or I'm worthless, or people can't be trusted, I'm ruined, I'm damaged goods, life is unfair. God isn't real. People are mean everybody's out to get me. But when you tell your story, you bring light to that, right, and you expose those false beliefs. And even hearing yourself, tell your story out loud, you'll start to trip over and uncover some things where you say, That's not true, these false beliefs start to be exposed. And now, because you're older and an adult, you can interpret your trauma in the light of maturity, and truth. And when you do that, you will rid yourself of toxicity, toxic lies, false beliefs. So telling can often bring restitution between you and others, but between you and your own self. So very often, we have animosity towards us, we have self rejection, or self hatred. We wouldn't necessarily say that out loud. But maybe we do have, we despise parts of ourselves. We betray parts of ourselves because we feel like we were vulnerable, or trusting. But truth when we start telling our story, it brings restoration, because now wise counsel can be shared with us, we've told somebody, and they're reflecting back to us what we've just said, and we're able to hear or understand that you know what, that is not true. That is a lie that I have fostered or believed, or that's a label that I've allowed to operate in my life. But it isn't accurate. It's not true. So telling acts as that release valve. And as I said a moment ago and allows that built up pressure to be released. And so you begin to feel unburdened and you shed and lay down and relinquish those coping skills and those narratives that are not true, they're lies, and you start walking in the light of truth. Now, sometimes the truth is a hard thing to swallow. Sometimes you've been blaming others, we point the fingers and we haven't really owned our own responsibility in something that we've experienced. So again, telling helps us to bring restoration where we said, I have not owned this, and I am completely responsible 100%. And so we begin to feel very empowered, when instead of living through our life as a victim pointing the blame at everyone else we start owning. The third thing I want to tell you is that telling reduces the triggers. So if there is a trauma or traumatic memory, those revisiting those things can be very upsetting. Very triggering a trigger is a strong emotional, visceral. reaction, a physical reaction or even a flashback to something, sometimes you're very aware of what it is. And sometimes it's just sensory. You can feel nauseous or have a headache, or feel like the room is spinning, or anger or fear flight. But sometimes you know exactly where it's coming from. And those reactions, those triggers can stay in place for years, if you have unprocessed trauma, or memories, or pain, or unforgiveness, and especially for trying to avoid thinking about the trauma, but as we retell our story, we lessen those triggers, we defuse those triggers, distress goes down, telling begins to take us out of hyper vigilant stress, and allows us to feel our feelings.

This week, I'm talking to someone who has not told their story. And now their body is telling on them. In other words, their body is telling the story when they're their mouth, and their words won't, through painful stress, depression, panic attacks, sadness, tears, but also feelings of being frozen, disconnected, disconnected, where, because they're in denial about what happened, they no longer even have command over their own body. They've disconnected even from joints, muscles, the pelvic floor, if you will, I know that sounds crazy, but disconnecting from certain areas where their body was traumatized, no longer able to feel anything. Telling takes us out of that, and allows us to feel what we're feeling, and we begin to thaw out we become less frozen. And when we are less frozen, and we begin to feel we might be overwhelmed at first that we start to grieve, or we feel some anger. But we are processing a violation or we're processing a sadness, we lost a parent, we lost a child, whatever it is, grieve it, feel it. We think sometimes that if I go through this process, I'm going to fall in a black hole, and I'm never going to be able to come out again. But the truth is really, that once you feel you begin to heal, you're going to come out on the other side, you will and I recommend doing this telling with a trusted friend, a pastor, a spouse, a very good friend, a therapist, ideally. And eventually, number four, telling helps us heal, because now we can help others. So many times, telling helps us find our voice. And we can begin to share freely from our experiences. And we can redeem a hurtful past because now we we can help other people. It gives us opportunity to be a healer, to be an instrument to others and their progress and their wholeness. Now, you don't want to do this until you've got a good grasp of your story. Because we don't want to jump into someone else's pain and take over and start telling our own story. Like Yeah, you think you've got it bad I did, I went through this. Because that's just proof that we're not really through our own stuff. But when you get to the place where you've worked through your story, and you're reconnected with your heart, your soul, your body, your story becomes redemptive and you're invited into someone else's pain. And you're able to help them as you share and you don't re traumatize them. But instead, you're able to really offer something of value. Five, telling gives you a sense of authority and mastery. So what do I mean by that? Well, many trauma survivors I've worked with will describe the strength they found as they face their trauma and told their story. And they say that they feel like they could face anything. And they saw their fear lesson. And they found greater freedom in their lives. And they found that they became brave, because it takes courage to tell your story. But witnessing your own courage shows you that you're not only strong, but you're also whole. And so you begin to have a sense of authority and mastery over your own life. And remember what I said a moment ago, you don't want to go through life as a victim. You want to go through life as a survivor and as a powerful, independent master of your own fate, if you will. Now I know I personally believe in Divine creator. And I believe if there is a divine creator than I am the creation and my Creator has a purpose and a plan for my life. But I don't, I am not at the mercy of another person. That's what I mean. I am not owned by someone else's desires for my life, or someone else's ability to label me, I get to choose. Now, I will tell you, when you tell your story, sometimes there can be buyer's remorse kind of a fear can sneak in that you think, Oh, this might cost me now What will they think of me? What will How will I be defined? Will their respect for me change. But you know what, be careful about that remorse, don't let it overpower you. You've done the right thing by telling. And when you get through it,

you're going to find on us the chains of secrecy have been released. So let me give you a few things on how to share it in terms of those are the benefits and there's so many more, but those are some of the benefits again, I could I could add a number six benefit and tell you that talling helps you reconnect body, soul and spirit instead of being compartmentalised. We've talked about being disconnected from our body. When you have story work, when you do story work, when you talk through your life and share what you felt and how that impacted you. And maybe how that changed things for you. You'll find it's almost as if the lights come back on. You're getting you're plugging back in the energy instead of being disconnected, unplugged, you're now plugging in and reconnecting your body, your soul, your heart, your mind, you're coming back into Unity and wholeness. So it's so powerful. But let me talk to you for a little bit about how to share your story or when to share your story with others, I think really important, first of all, the first time you share your story, you share it with you, or you share it with your journal, be sure that you have come to grips to some degree with your own story. Now, I do understand that there are times when we're not able to tell our story. And so we need a midwife, or we need a counselor, we need a valley Walker, somebody who will walk through the valley of the shadow of death with us, someone who will help us I remember when I was working with a young woman, she was not able to access her tears. And so I just started crying and crying. And she looked at me as I was crying. And pretty soon she started crying. I was a midwife, if you will, I started birthing her pain for her because she couldn't do it. And then she could and and then she could tap into it. So I understand that. But your first draft is for you. It's for your healing. It's for your therapy, it's for your authenticity. So sometimes when people write in their journals, they'll think like, I'm just writing this because someday somebody else might find my journal. And so I'm writing it in a flowery, beautiful, edited, censored way. That is not being honest, that is not being hold. tell yourself the truth about your story. And don't worry about being organized. In fact, if there's trauma involved with your story, it will not be organized, you'll have little pieces here and there. Like if you took 40 sticky notes and throw them up in the air, they're not going to all come down in order. And neither is a traumatic story. Neither is a story of pain, you're going to have bits and pieces of it, but let your emotions flow. And if emotions aren't there at first, that's okay, work through it. Even if you work through it kind of in a really clinical dry fashion, at least you're telling your story. So finish your first draft, whether you say it in the mirror, which by the way is extremely beneficial to look you in the face and tell your story to you. Or whether you tell it to your journal, be patient with yourself and recognize that not now doesn't mean never, if you don't have the ability to find all the words and say it all right. That's okay. It might not be right now, but tell us as much as you can. Because someday, if you keep working this you're going to have the full mastery over your own story. And that's crucial for healing. And so secondly, in telling your story, be careful who you share it with the first few times. Not everybody is worthy of your story. I remember telling a piece of my story to someone who then looked at me and was like, Well, why don't you tell someone or really how can you allow that to happen? Those words threw me back into a cave for another couple Yours, don't do that not everyone is the ideal person to share with. Some people may be jealous. Some people have a hard time because they have their own traumatic history. Others might respond with blame or shame, or criticism, the very thing that you're trying to break out of, they'll have non validating responses to you. So choose carefully, okay, you're a brave hearted woman, you have wisdom, that the person that you will share this with choose wisely and carefully the person who you want to share your story with. Make sure number three that you tell your story, right, not someone else's, that there are other players in the story in your drama, be careful not to share their names or

protect them, not even if they're not deserving of that protection. But just be careful, you use wisdom, but tell your story, I have a story, I don't tell it from the vantage point or indicate or indict someone else that's in my story. I don't include them, I changed the names to protect them. And if your story is something that you're about to go public with, you may want to ask your family how they feel about it first. I know for me, when I've written my books, and I've gone very, very public international with my story, I did ask my family how they felt about it at first. So again, your story will reverberate throughout the community and often the world. So you are brave, and you want to be a heroic soul. But you also want to be wise. And there are times where you might want to consider a pseudo name if you're going to tell your story to the world. So the last thing I want to share is be clear on your desired outcome. I told my story, first of all, for me, for my healing, for my therapy, for unity, and for integration in my own story in my own life. I told my story, secondly, to my family, because I wanted to be known, I wanted to be understood. I didn't want to be abandoned by them because they didn't understand me. And so I had to keep a secret. I did not want to keep a secret from my children. And so when they were age appropriate, I told my kids about my past, because I wanted them to know if mom, if your mama can't do something in a certain way, I want you to know why. And I want you to love me. And I want you to know that I love you so much. I'm going to keep working on this until I get it right. Because I've not had the role models and parenting that I should have had. So guess what, y'all are the guinea pigs. But together, we're going to get it right. Be clear on your desired outcome. What do you want to accomplish by telling? And thirdly, I told because I did not want my story to go unused, if you will, I did not want to just say oh, that's in my past, bury it, and then make no redemptive value from it. I said, No, I'm going to take this. And I'm going to use it to set captives free to help other people come out of what they've gone through. I'm going to model what it is to be brave, I'm going to model what it is to be successful despite a tragic beginning or a traumatic beginning, I am going to live life to the fullness and full color, I'm not going to be stalled. I don't want to be frozen. And so I'm going to figure out what this pathway of healing looks like. That's why I told so I was clear on my outcome and what I wanted, and so I hope you will be too. Alright, that's what I have for you today. I hope that this is powerful for you. I hope this is valuable for you. I want you to know your story is going to help someone else. Whether it's dramatic or spectacular, or whether it's just something that you would say I just grew up feeling really insecure. That's your story. How did you come out of that insecurity? What did that make you feel like? How does living insecure make you miss opportunities? How did you break the back of insecurity and start walking into confidence? Whatever it is, tell your story. It's valuable. It's important, and the world needs to know it. I want you to find your vision. Live your brave. Come on. You can do this. Don't quit don't stop. Don't stall. Be brave. live your best life right now. All right, this is Dawn Damon your Braveheart mentor I will see.

Thanks for hanging out with me today and becoming brave. If This has helped you be sure to share it with someone and subscribe so you never have to miss another episode. For more about me my books, my coaching or online courses, visit Dawn damon.com. And as always be brave and live your vision

Transcribed by https://otter.ai