How To Be Happy with Sarah Bragg

Dawn Damon: Hey, I'm Dawn Damon. Welcome to the Bravehearted Woman!

My guest today is a well-loved communicator. She's an author and a popular podcast host of the show called Surviving Sarah, and she says happiness comes from connectivity. Her latest book is Is Everyone Happier Than Me? It is an honest guide to the questions that keep you up at night. Her book just dropped. Please welcome my guest today, Sarah Bragg. Hey, Sarah.

Sarah Bragg: Hey, Dawn. Thanks for having me on your show.

Dawn Damon: Absolutely. So glad to have another bravehearted woman joining us and to hear your braveheart story today. So yes, you're an amazing author of this new book and I want to ask you about your brave moment here as we share today. But in your midlife, in the 40s, you found yourself wide awake at night. What was that all about? Tell us about this season of your life.

y were at home and we were in: 1200

So, I sort of felt like in about 2021-2022, I just felt like everything had been building, and the common question, I guess people ask this a lot when you've. You know, I had launched my book and then we moved. So there's been a lot of like success and change and they were like, are you just so happy? I found myself looking at them and going, Oh yeah, sure. I'm really happy and not really feeling happy. And so I sort of found myself in the night waking up and every night was just like a different worry or a different fear. Much like I have a middle school daughter and she is asking the same questions. You know, does anybody like me? Do I matter? Is everyone happier than me? And I would just roll these questions over in my mind. And I think midlife is a lot like middle school when your body is changing, right? Your world is changing. You're making friends, losing friends, making new friends, transitioning of schools, everything and I feel like. Midlife is very similar. And so I just started to pay attention to those questions and started wondering, well, if I don't feel happy and I would love to feel happier, you know, why do I not feel happy and what can I do about it? And so that sort of just led me on this introspective quest, I guess, to find a sense of happiness and that's really where this book sort of fell out of.

Dawn Damon: Yeah, we're gonna hear more about that. But I agree with you that midlife is a really troublesome time. It can flip us upside down. Maybe we had this confidence and we had this self-assurance about ourselves and then all the rules feel different in midlife, right? I mean, my body doesn't do what it used to do. My hormones aren't doing what they used to do. I look in the mirror and I'm like, I kind of feel like my mom is in my mirror like, go away. I've grown into my mother. Where did these wrinkles come from? So midlife is a time that can be very, yes, destabilizing and unsettling, but you decided, okay, I'm going on this quest for happiness. What did that look like and when did you start that?

I do have another question too, that maybe you can fold in, but I'm curious. Did this fear or this sense just come upon you in midlife, or do you remember struggling with some of these feelings and emotions earlier in your lifetime?

Sarah Bragg: Yeah. You know, I think it's cyclical. I think it's not surprising to me when I can look back that I struggled because again, like I said, Yeah. The earliest memories of those not only are like my daughter, but I was a middle school girl asking those same questions and having those same worries. When my body was changing through puberty, I found myself on the other side of eating disorders because I didn't know how to wrestle with a changing body.

So, it's very similar. I feel like with this, I remember walking into it again. I guess around 30 in my early thirties, that same, all of a sudden things changed. I became a new mom for the first time at 30. I had a job change where like I got essentially let go of what I was doing. That kind of catapulted me into that same space of like, Oh, wait a second, like, where am I? Who am I? What do I do now? Why is everything different? So, I definitely think we go in and out of those seasons. It was actually sort of comforting when I began to look back and go, Oh, this feels a lot like it did when I was 30. Okay. Well, what did I do during that season to help me figure out my way? I sort of just went back to those things.

For me, it was very introspective. I do a lot of journaling. I realized I have to get outta my head, and one of the best ways for me to get out of my head is to put it on paper. So I would journal a lot. I would just be very honest about what I was thinking or feeling or wondering. I also talk to people, connection is a big deal. I think we are wired for it again. That's another way for me to get out of my head is to actually speak it out loud to someone else.

I remember that season before when I was 30, it took several years. to kind of find my way of some things that I wanted to do and things that brought me a whole lot of life and a whole lot of joy. On the one hand, it was a little bit discouraging. Cause you're like, Oh wait, does this mean I'm going to be in this season for a little bit? But on the other hand, it was comforting to know, Oh, this is very normal. I think these are just. It's not just phases that we go in and out of, this doesn't have to be the definition of what life now is going to be, but it can go, we're going to make our way through it. We just have to do a little bit of introspective work and be paying attention and to see what is next and to see what is to come, to see what actually brings a little bit of happiness in the daily for us.

Dawn Damon: Yes. Yeah. I think that's really wise to say that life is cyclical and it's like, okay, I've been here before. What did I do? But now I'm here with more wisdom. Hopefully, I'll be here with more understanding of how life works.

I have some experience in history with God to draw on. I know I'm going to get through this season because seasons are certain, but they are not final. So, right when you get this one figured out, spoiler alert, it'll change again. So now here you are, you've written this book and you say that kind of tucked in every nook and cranny of your book are these words, connection, conversation, and curiosity. How have these words become so important to you?

Sarah Bragg: Yeah, I had love. I can think of faces when I say those names that have meant that to me. When I think about conversation, I think about it as a way to connect with people. You know, we have a conversation more than likely at the end of this conversation. I will feel so much more connected with you because we had a conversation. It just has a way of getting to know other people and other perspectives.

I think connection, we are definitely wired for that. We are social beings, and that is what I've. Figuring out it's helpful for me to feel seen, heard, and valued is when I feel like I'm connecting with other people. Then curiosity, curiosity has done wonders for me on perspective shifting and helping judgment to fall to the wayside when I can be curious about other people and maybe they're different from me and they think differently or believe differently. And when I can have a sense of curiosity about it. I just find that I'm way more empathetic and compassionate and intrigued versus judgmental and wanting to shut down that connection. So it goes all the way back to that connection to me. They all connect to each other, those words. And, um, I don't know, I think I'm a better human when those things are driving what I'm doing.

Dawn Damon: I love the word curiosity too. That is just something that I'm like, yes, that's a great reframer. I might see it this way and and our brain wants to make conclusions right away and we want to come up with judgments. But if I can introduce curiosity to my thought pattern then I can step back and go, but wait a minute, what if? And I just have come to believe that there is a story behind every behavior. So there's something about your history that I'm not pervy to. And so let me just suspend this judgment and let me be curious.

Sarah Bragg: It's a long way.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. It does take us a long way And it is like what you're saying, it leads to happiness because happiness kind of is a choice. Don't you think at the end of the day, I can change this attitude? I can choose to frame these circumstances this way.

Sarah Bragg: It's a feeling just like any other feeling, you know? So you're not going to feel happiness like all day, every day. I'm going to somehow arrive at this. Like, you know, again, you've said it just a few minutes ago. I mean, if change hasn't happened yet, it's going to happen soon. Like, it's just the way, the nature of the game. But I do think that happiness is a choice that we can make and we can lean into and we can find little pockets of it on a daily basis.

Dawn Damon: I agree. So what are some of the changes that have increased your happiness? By the way, I love your book cover. Just looking at your book cover brings some happiness. It's like, wow, this is fun. Yes. It emotes the emotion of happiness. But what are some things, some changes that you've made That have helped maybe increase your happiness?

Sarah Bragg: Well, connection for sure. I realized that that's really what happiness comes down to. When I am connected, meaning when I'm connected, even with myself, I mean, connected with others, I feel happier. So for me, I realized that we moved from a downtown community that was walkable to the country. And so my countryside, while I walk on my property, I'm not running into people. I'm not, you know, it would be a really long walk to a coffee shop if I were to walk there. So I realized it's really easy for me to sort of get isolated and I need a connection to feel happy. So I just make sure to schedule.

Every week of a connection point with someone, because I know that that fuels my happiness. I feel like that's one of those things. And again, for me, there are so many different levels. Each chapter in the book is sort of a different question. I'm wrestling with it. So one of the questions is, do I matter? That's really sort of about purpose. I feel like reframing purpose to just mattering brought me a lot of happiness, because again, instead of feeling this pressure of like, Oh, I've got to do something just big and grand with my life, or I'm 45 and I've run out. Like, you know, what am I going to do for the rest? Like, you just feel this pressure boiling it down to something small that matters.

Right now, like I'm in a phase of life where I'm driving my kids Everywhere all the time. While that's annoying on so many levels, it matters. I matter to them because I am driving them places. And when I can reframe that, it helps me to not feel so much angst about that. And instead go, okay, like this is good. I am happy about this place in life that I am an Uber driver for my children because this matters to them right now. So it's really been some different perspective shifts on different things that have brought a better sense of happiness to you.

Dawn Damon: You know, I don't know if this helps you at all, but I think I had some of the best conversations with my daughters when we were in the car. Driving them for some reason. It was like truth serum went into, I think because they could look out the window and they didn't have to stare at me in the face, but there wasn't anything else. So yes, you will miss that season. Believe me when it's over. So yeah, totally enjoy it.

Going back to what you said about connectivity. I had a curiosity about that when you said that. Are you an extrovert personality by any chance? Is there something linked to the way you're wired that connectivity? I know we're all designed for connectivity, but I know I've also talked to some introverts who say, I have to have Alone time, or I become really unhappy. So it just kind of made me wonder.

Sarah Bragg: I feel like I've always been right in the middle where I need alone time to recharge, but I don't need a lot of alone time. If I get a lot of alone time, I start to really get sad. My husband, on the other hand, I remember he had to take a trip for work. He works in video and he was going to capture all this footage.

Well, I mean, I feel really bad for him because he had to go to like Hawaii and Vegas and all that. I felt terrible for him. So he was gone for 10 days and he did not speak to anyone. He traveled by himself. He did everything by himself. When he got home, I'd never seen him happier. He was so recharged. Now, if I had to do that for 10 days. Like someone would probably just be like, I think she was left in a ditch somewhere. Like I wouldn't make it for 10 days, like by myself for that long. So I'm sure there's something to that.

But also my husband is, you know, there are times when we have so many conversations where he's lonely, and even though he loves to be alone. He gets so much happiness from being alone. He also craves that real connection, not just sort of that fake small talk that probably exhausts him as an introvert, but real connection and being able to fully talk to someone and be real and authentic. So I do feel like there's probably something to personality in that way. But I also think that even if some people might need like 10 people that I'm connecting with and some people might need just one. I do think that connection to people might be in different doses, but I do think we all need that sense of somebody that we can lean on.

Dawn Damon: Well, you said it, you know, I matter to know that you are known. And you are intimately known, like someone gets you, they understand your heart. You have connected at a level that's not just a shallow or casual level but makes you feel like Hagar said when God saw her, the God I see, sees me like I'm known. Somebody sees me. This is why you also talk about also in your book. This doesn't count on social media. People can have 1,000 friends and feel completely invisible. So that deep connection, it's different.

they're commenting on stuff, [: 00:16:00

Dawn Damon: Well, the book is called, Is Everyone Happier Than Me, an honest guide to the questions that keep you up by night. My guest today, Sarah Bragg.

Sarah, any final thoughts for our listeners in the bravehearted women, the women in midlife who might feel Invisible?

Sarah Bragg: Well, there's one phrase and I feel like this will really resonate with the audience that I have been saying to myself so much over the last couple of months, you know, with my book coming out and wrapping all this up, because I think it takes a lot of bravery to show up. As you are, I think in our midlife, especially we feel very vulnerable because as you said, at the very beginning, everything has changed. Everything is shifted. We're not really sure who we are anymore. It's all changed, but I keep saying to myself, I'm looking over here because I have it. In fact, I put it on a post it right in front of my desk because I want to see it all the time. It says I choose to show up bravely, flawed, and full of hope. I think that is what we have to do on a daily basis when we're unsure of who we are, or our bodies are changing, or we're not feeling like we matter anymore, or we don't know if anybody likes us and all of these things, we choose to show up flawed and bravely, but full of hope.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. I think that's amazing. What a great way to kind of wrap that up because that is it. Sometimes courage is just showing up like Renee Brown says. So thank you so much for being with us inspiring hope in us and for piquing our interest in how it is that happiness can really happen for each one of us. If we're experiencing a little moment of blah or blues or a season where we do stay up at night wondering Am I liked? Do I matter? What is my purpose? Ladies read all about it in her book. How can we find you, Sarah?

Sarah Bragg: You can find me at sarahbragg.com and in fact, if you order the book, go to sarahbragg.com/happy, and you can download three episodes all about perfectionism. So that's a great way to dig a little deeper.

Dawn Damon: That's another whole episode. That perfectionism. That's a stealer of happiness.

Sarah Bragg: Yes.

Dawn Damon: Yes. An illusion. Thank you so much for being with us today on The Bravehearted Woman Podcast!

Hey, everybody, I'm going to leave you just like I always do. But first your free download today. If you wonder about your own identity, about your own purpose, why don't you visit braveheartedwoman.com/resources. You know, it's always in the notes. We have The 7-Day Identity Challenge for Midlife Women of Faith just for you. And these final thoughts, it's time for you to find your brave and live your dreams!