The Alchemist of Midlife: How to Transform Crisis Into Your Greatest Comeback with Rhonda Farrah

Dawn Damon: Welcome, all you beautiful, bravehearts. So great to be with you once again today.

And listen, if you're struggling, if you find yourself stuck, if you think I am such a loser, I can't do anything right? I want you to interrupt those thoughts because I'm bringing you good news today. My guest today. Is an overcomer. She's a lifestyle empowerment. Alchemist. We'll have to hear what that's all about. A coach, an author, a speaker, and a prominent figure in personal development with more than 25 years of experience as an educational counselor and a psychotherapist. She's here to share today how she turned her crisis into an opportunity. Please welcome our guest, Rhonda Farrah.

Hello, Rhonda!

Rhonda Farrah: Hello, Dawn, and thank you so much for having me as your guest. I'm looking forward to our conversation.

Dawn Damon: I am too, especially when I was reading all the things and learning about you and getting to know you a little bit. You're a highly successful woman. You're very educated. You have mad skills, which we respect, and yet your journey does include hardship and crisis, and trials. Talk to us a little bit about your story.

Rhonda Farrah: Well. You're right. I have plenty of credentials and certifications, but my real credentials are the credentials of life, which I call forward to myself or the subconscious mind did because she's very brilliant, much more brilliant than our conscious mind. In order to couple things to heal from whatever I had to heal from. Which was before all my escapades, incarceration, breast cancer, failed relationships and marriages, uh, financial ruin. That was before all that. So who, because I had lost my sense of self, the capital S, my godly self. I didn't. Where did I put her? You know, it's like, yeah. So I called these things forward to become awakened and aware as well. To have these messes in my life.

So that I could provide a message to others to be of service to others. So, yes, they were instances. Yeah. I think I was about 41. I'm 67 now, and it's like, okay. I'm not getting this. God, I've never had a speeding ticket. Oh, why am I being incarcerated? Incidentally, it was a non-drug-related, non-violent crime.

Dawn Damon: Okay.

Rhonda Farrah: And I'll, we'll get into why, 'cause you know, God has plans even when we don't, we do need to get outta the way, and right then incidents of breast cancer, I'm an athlete. I'm an avid runner.

Well, now I jog, and now, after 50 years of running, and it's like, okay, but, well, I don't understand breast cancer. Never took any street drugs, did the right things health-wise, but I'm a nurturer, a nourisher. I'm in the service business.

Dawn Damon: Okay. Yeah.

Rhonda Farrah: Helping others' businesses. So that was, you know, like, okay, that's the failed relationships. Okay. One right after another. And I came to the point where I put aside, although I have the toolbox of being a psychotherapist, I put that hat aside. And I came an alchemist.

Dawn Damon: What's the difference?

Rhonda Farrah: Okay. Many people say, " What do you do? And, well, alchemy is the precursor to chemistry. I am, no, I am not a left-brain person at all. But an alchemist takes the rough edges and fine tunes them into being a precious metal. That's what I do, and as an author, and as a speaker as well. So I coach you to be your own alchemist, to take that which does not serve, hasn't served you. Make it work for you rather than anything less.

So, as an alchemist, I take the joys, the sorrows, and the successes. Help others do that. Just as I continue to do myself. And as well as the sorrow, the adversity is more than a struggle and a challenge. I think you cut in the picture as you introduced me, and make it work for us rather than anything else. Make the mess work for a message for us within. Mm-hmm. And to help others understand that they are not alone. You know, the exact same situations may be. Mm-hmm.

But we are not alone. Right. And many people think they're alone. Okay. I thought I was in a made for TV movie for nearly 20 years.

Dawn Damon: I guess so. Okay. So I have a question. Yes. So before all of those things happened. There had to have been a belief or an operating system that was working. It was a program that was working, but somehow was sabotaging you. And I don't wanna use all this esoteric language, but we have learned that really more than what we can have skills and we can have education, but if we have a narration, a belief, a story going on inside of ourselves that says, you're not worthy, or you don't deserve this. Or no one's gonna love you because if they only knew what you were really like, or what you've done, did you have some kind of programming that was working against you?

Rhonda Farrah: That was before I was the people pleaser. Okay. I nourished and nurtured everyone but myself, but I was a people pleaser.

And in order to be a people pleaser, I thought I needed to be ultra successful. Oh, okay. So I entered into. A business relationship with people whom I didn't do any due diligence on. It's my own fault. And I got left holding what I call the bag. Okay?

And, but I called it forward and I called it forward to learn lessons that I need to learn, that I am whole, perfect, and complete. That I am enough, just the way I am, that I am worthy, however. I couldn't understand why I was there. And for a year into this, I served nearly seven years.

Dawn Damon: Oh my goodness.

Rhonda Farrah: Okay. So, and in about a year, I stopped hitting the phone against the wall, saying, get me outta here to whoever I was on the phone with.

Dawn Damon: Right.

Rhonda Farrah: And I hadn't, there it is, the aha breath. The god breath. I gave it up. I surrendered, whether I knew I was surrendering or not. It was the best move I made. I began to teach wellness classes to my fellow women in prison. I was pivoted right back into being of service to others. Not this high finance tycoon stuff or anything like that, and I liked it. It's like, okay, my sense of self, which was totally lost. That was my real crime. I lost my sense of self with the capital S. Lost her.

Dawn Damon: Do you know how that happened? How did you lose her?

Rhonda Farrah: Yeah. I just didn't look in the mirror enough, which is what I do now, to fix my reflection first and live my best life ever.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Rhonda Farrah: I didn't like what I saw. Yeah. If I catch my reflection in a pane of glass, I used to joke, oh, you're so beautiful. You're so intelligent, you're communicative. Did I really mean it? Probably not. Yeah. Yeah. Because beauty and magnificence and strength is from within, it's an inside job. It's the inside out.

Now I'm healthy, fit, and vibrant in a body that reflects on the outside who I am on the inside. That's the mess. That's the first message, especially to women 40 and over. The incidence of all this stuff, this not-so-good stuff that happened to me. I said, " Look, I'm not gonna die. I'm gonna dance at your wedding and see my grandchildren, which both have happened. Okay?

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Rhonda Farrah: I didn't even know where that came from when I said it, like another God thing. Okay. Yeah. So, but then I made the decision, I am operating out of fear. Operating outta fear. How about faith? Rhonda and I only believe in two emotions: fear and love. That's it.

Dawn Damon: Yep.

Rhonda Farrah: So I said this is your fear. You don't wanna have these traditional things done to fix this breast cancer thing, but you're going to, I started chemo the next week. I went into a surgical center, another blessing. Didn't have to stay in the hospital overnight. I had the lump extracted. I didn't have to have a mastectomy; see, these are all blessings. Yeah. Blessings. These people don't think they're, oh, they're good. Cancer. The C word. And I remember again asking God, well, I know I'm gonna be all right, but what do you think?

Yeah. Sort of like that, and I'm lying on a gurney. It's a beautiful day in Monterey, California. I had the best breast guy. They called him around the surgeon, and I'm looking out the window. I'm in the gurney. The nurse who will be my or nurse comes over to me and says, Rhonda, can I help you? You need something? I go, no. I'm just having a little talk with God. And she said, " That's good. Okay. And she looked at my hair, it was like peach fuzz coming back, and she said, " Look, your hair's coming back.

And I go, oh yeah, it is now that you mention it. And um, she pulled back her skull cap, and she said, maybe it'll come back curly like mine. Oh, there's my sign. God bumps. Here we go. There was my sign. This is a woman who has gone through what I've gone through, and she's back. She's back to help others.

Dawn Damon: Beautiful.

Rhonda Farrah: And I said, "Okay, thank you, God. Get through that. Go through the radiation treatments, everything, and the bell rings. You get to ring a bell when you're done with radiation.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. That's a wonderful moment.

Rhonda Farrah: It's a wonderful moment. So all this time I was learning, at least subconsciously, I had this stuff. I had this thing across my forehead. I had this thing, breast cancer, you've gotta look at a war scar on your right breast. You're still whole, perfect, and complete just the way you are. And the gal who didn't like hospitals was back teaching support groups to women with incidents of breast cancer every week. Okay?

So I was being pivoted back once again, being of service to others. And then after that, two divorces nearly. Simultaneously, it was like that was the kicker. That was the worst thing. When people say, "How did you get through it? I found the gift and the blessing. But it's essential to use gratitude as well as forgiveness, beginning with yourself. Be grateful for who you are and forgive yourself for your past, and look in that mirror and say, I love you, love you, love you, just the way you are. I esteem you. I respect you. I appreciate you, just the way you are, and then you're gonna fall in love with who you're becoming.

Dawn Damon: Right. So, I have a question for you about that. Yes. Because as a coach, we understand those principles. Somebody might hear that and think, I'm okay the way I am, so I don't have a responsibility to grow, change, develop, reach, stretch. That's not what you're saying. Right.

Rhonda Farrah: It's not at all what I'm saying, and to anybody thinking that and wishing that that's what I was saying. First of all, I'm not saying it. And second, okay, if you buy that, how's that working for you?

Dawn Damon: How's that working exactly?

Rhonda Farrah: How's that working? Okay. How's that working for you? Are you living the life you desire? Are you being the best version of yourself?

Dawn Damon: Right.

Rhonda Farrah: Maybe you are then. Okay, great. Then you're enough just as you are. But if there's a little inkling in there that says, I could do better, this is not the best I can do, I can do better.

Dawn Damon: So we hold two things true at the same time. I'm complete, I'm worthy, I'm enough, and because I'm confident in that, I have the courage to grow and to reach and to let take that long look in the mirror. I don't have to walk away condemning myself. I can walk away saying I love me. And because I do just like a parent, that we love our children, that doesn't mean I don't want you to grow anymore. Right? I want you to continue to grow and develop and learn and educate. So, two things we hold at the same time.

Rhonda Farrah: Yes, absolutely. And in my case, Rhonda, the parent was speaking to Little Rhonda.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Rhonda Farrah: Come on now. And one, I think one thing I realized is all that people pleasing stuff. Brought to me just what I brought to myself to learn to learn it. I'm okay. I don't have to please everybody. Right.

How about pleasing myself? You know, selfishness is the most selfless thing a woman can do. I'm not talking about being selfish and not being kind to others, and not being empathic or compassionate. I'm talking about taking care of yourself first.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Rhonda Farrah: Or who are you going to take care of? Stop kidding yourself. That's where the breaking point begins when you're So, you're just so strong about pleasing someone to be liked and loved.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Rhonda Farrah: These days, I wanna be liked and loved for who I am.

Dawn Damon: Right.

Rhonda Farrah: Who am I? Do I care about what other people think? Not really. I don't. I care, but I don't care. Yeah. I care about what I think when I look in that mirror. And for those who are squeamish about doing that. Start now.

Start now and have a talk with yourself, and name three things that you like about yourself. Boy, as women, we get in that mirror just before we come on. I'm fidgeting with my hair. I got my hair cut yesterday, and it was like, oh God, this is not working. And so, but you see how we do that? Oh yeah. But I can joke about it. I can kid about it. And this is where it begins with fixing your reflection first. It's easy. Okay. It's not, it's hard though. Okay. It's, it's like you said, it's easy and it's hard.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Rhonda Farrah: But the more you do it, the more you practice it.

Dawn Damon: The more you become aware of it. You know, I imagine there's a relapse now and again into people pleasing. I know I relapse now and again, and then I have to come back to it, and sometimes it's okay to be self-sacrificing. Sometimes it's okay to say, I'm doing this. It's not really what I wanna do, but it's the right thing to do.

Yes, that's okay. But as a rule in the way that I live, I don't want my voice to be so lost that I'm not being honest about how I'm feeling. And we do that emotionally. We do it physically, we do it spiritually. We don't always tell the truth about the pain that we're experiencing because we don't wanna rock the boat.

And so we just keep absorbing and absorbing. It's like that's toxic, that's not healthy. So to your point. Being selfish is self-care. This is what I need to tell you, or need to have changed, or be different. That's okay. It's fair. We can have it that way. We don't have to just sit there and endure. Right.

Rhonda Farrah: Absolutely. You know, that's our Right. But it's also our obligation for that self-care.

In: 2005

Dawn Damon: Right?

Rhonda Farrah: Incidences of breast cancer in women. It is because we do not nourish or nurture ourselves. The people pleasers, okay. Not nourishing and nurturing ourselves. For me, that wasn't the doorway that opened; that alchemist hat went on for many reasons. But breast cancer was the trigger. To awaken hearts and minds, and most especially spirit, to our innate power from within, our authentic power from within. That's the power to thrive rather than merely survive.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Rhonda Farrah: That's the power to say, I'm okay. I'm good the way I am, but I'm gonna thrive now. I'm gonna thrive regardless of situation, circumstance, or happenstance, in some incredible situations. I didn't know why I was there. Well, I knew, but I didn’t. Okay. But I got on the track really quickly because as I got on track, I not only began to heal, but I also became the best version of myself. I call it my godly self, not merely my earthly self. See, we all have that within us, but do we use the excuse, oh, I'm only human. And you know, first of all, change is the nature of life.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Rhonda Farrah: The nature of life is change. It’s a change.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Rhonda Farrah: Human nature, however, is to resist change; that's what human nature is.

Dawn Damon: Sure. All right.

Rhonda Farrah: So understand as well, if you wanna live the life you desire, you know, it might be some. Hard things that you have to do. You need to have some breakthroughs, not breakdowns, but you need to be real and honest with yourself and say, ah, I'm messing up again. I'm doing it again.

I believe one term is backsliding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Backsliding, right? Yeah. But catch yourself. I'm not immune. To anything that's not so good stuff, even though I live and breathe this all day.

Dawn Damon: Sure.

Rhonda Farrah: It's, but I know, I know what to do, and I know. Okay. Remember, mess turns into message. Mess turns into a message. My message has turned into a message for me that through the age of technology I can help others. I can be of service to others in one way, shape, or form.

Dawn Damon: Yes. And you're doing that. You're an author, a speaker, a coach, and you're sharing and helping other women, especially those 40 and over, to reshape the way they think about midlife to transition and transform into being their best version of themselves thus far. What's next for you? What are you currently doing?

Rhonda Farrah: I'm doing a few things. I'm doing the next cohort of my 12-week group coaching. Fix your reflection first and live your best life ever. And I'm writing a book because I call it my big girl book. I'm a contributing author to three or four books. One incidentally has Oprah Winfrey and Melinda Gates in it - America's Leading Ladies Who Power.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Rhonda Farrah: Powerfully Empowered the World, but this book is titled Growing Where You Are Planted: Your Guide to Being the Best Version of Yourself. So that's, you know, beautiful towards the end of spring, you know, that'll be going to a publisher because I've been in situations I never thought I would be in. I had the choice to die or to grow.

Dawn Damon: Yeah,

Rhonda Farrah: To wither. I'm not gonna wither

Dawn Damon: No.

Rhonda Farrah: Martyrdom. And victimhood has never been attractive on me.

Dawn Damon: Yes. And it's rarely attractive on anyone.

Rhonda Farrah: On anyone.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Rhonda Farrah: That's right.

Dawn Damon: Yeah.

Rhonda Farrah: So those are in the works right now.

Dawn Damon: Your upcoming book, we can't wait to read it. Grow Where You're Planted by Rhonda Farah, and thank you so much. And as an author myself, I know that it is no easy feat to write a book. It is birthing, yes. A baby. It is birthing. It's arduous, but so well worth it once it's been birthed into the world. So thank you for doing that.

Rhonda Farrah: Thank you.

Dawn Damon: So, as our time is up today, where can people find you? And last words for any woman listening.

Rhonda Farrah: Absolutely, you can find me. My website is helpmerhondanow.com. Help me, Rhonda, R-H-O-N-D-A, now.com. My email is rhonda@helpmerhondanow.com. I welcome all questions and comments, and I will respond to you personally.

Nice, and in closing, whoever's listening and watching. Understand that whatever struggle, whatever challenge, whatever sorrows you are going through right now. You are not alone. Reach out. Reach out to a trusted friend. Reach out to a practitioner, whether it's me or someone else. Reach out. You are not alone.

Find your gift in the blessing with whatever you’re going through, and as you travel down that tunnel, we are all journeying down one tunnel or another. There are struggles, there are challenges, and there are sorrows. The light coming at us is not a train. The light, it isn't delight coming at us, is the way, the truth, the guidance to be the best version of ourselves if we choose. If we choose. And as I invite all audiences, whether I'm a host or a guest, my invitation to all listening and watching is to treat life. As if it were ice cream, and enjoy it before it melts.

Dawn Damon: Oh, so good. Enjoy it before it melts. Beautiful.

Our guest today, again, is Rhonda Farrah. So thankful for you and glad that you're here with us, and for those that are listening, we've talked a lot today about identity and who you are and calling forward those things that are inside of you and awakening those things.

I also have a gift I wanna give you. And so visit the website, braveheartedwoman.com. There. I have a free download of the affirmations that will empower you and reframe the way you think, but also take The 7-day Identity Challenge and learn who you truly are. Not from what I think you are, but how your creator speaks of you. Again, the seven-day identity challenge. So I'm gonna leave you like I always do. bravehearted women, wonderful to see you. Is it your time? Find your vision and live your dream!