Warning Signs That You're Having A Midlife Crisis - And What To Do About It

 Hey, Bravehearts. You know, some people think this is just an issue for men, but it is not. It also affects women. Today on the Bravehearted Woman, we're going to continue our conversation on the midlife crisis.

Great to be with all of you today on the Bravehearted Woman. I'm so glad you're joining me. I hope that I'm bringing value to you and if you're joining me on YouTube, welcome, super glad that you're with me. This is a podcast designed for midlife women, and we're talking about all of the issues that affect us.

Today I want to continue our conversation on this midlife crisis. You know that midlife women largely feel ignored. They feel invisible. They feel dismissed or unimportant like they're no longer welcome around the ideologies and thought leaders. So sometimes women just really feel those emotions are real, leading them to a crisis. It is a myth if you think the midlife crisis or the existential crisis is just for men. It happens to women and it happens a lot more often than what we actually realize or think. A woman's midlife crisis. Does indeed happen, and although it is not a confirmed diagnosis, it is definitely a grapple with the existential questions. You got hormones raging, you got the physiological stuff going on and changes in your body, and the amazing amount of shifts in relationships, family, and life roles. I'm in it my own self. And I can tell you the layers of stress that exist in the life of a midlife woman are numerous, lots and lots of them. So this is a real deal. It's a true phenomenon.

Now there is a psychologist and his name is James Killian. He's a therapist and he says this, like men, women can experience a midlife crisis as early as their mid to late 30s. However, the likelihood of a midlife crisis increases for women as they progress into their late 40s and early 50s. That's when they enter a new phase of life that encourages reflection. In this stage, we are prone to explore our life's purpose thus far, as well as the impact that we've had during our time on Earth. Naturally, if we don't feel we have lived up to our potential, we are inclined to experience a midlife crisis of some kind.

So I'm so excited to let you know that my book will be released very soon, and I'm going to go ahead and tell you the title of it, The Making of a Bravehearted Woman. We're going to talk about how to get down and dirty. We talk about all things for midlife women and how to avoid this crisis. But in the last episode, I talked to you about this existential crisis, about how many midlifers feel, I'm struggling with my identity now, my purpose, and what is it that I do. Like all of the things that I was involved in, I'm no longer really involved in, or I'm kind of on the downward side of the mountain if you will. I'm not at the pinnacle of my career anymore. I'm winding down. I'm an empty nester. I've been married for many, many years, perhaps, or maybe I've even gone through a divorce in midlife, which there's a rise in number. The rise in number of divorces happening for people in their fifties and sixties. We're living much longer today. In fact, I believe they say the first person who is already on the earth has already been born and will live to be 150 years old because of science and technology.

Many of you are experiencing some of these things and you start getting into reflection. You're thinking about how many years you have left and have made an impact. What difference am I? How do I move forward? If you missed that last episode, it's Episode 117. Take a listen and then listen to this because we're going to continue our discussion.

Now, Killian advises this. A midlife crisis is often an indicator that purpose and meaning are missing in our lives. This is why I've written the book. It is called Courage, Confidence, and Vision in Midlife. That's the subtitle of The Making of a Bravehearted Woman because, after years of coaching women, I've discovered, even as I have traveled in age with some of my clients, this loss of purpose is a real thing, bravehearts. It is an honest-to-goodness, real thing. I wonder not what life is about, because as Christians, we know the ultimate answer, but specifically what is my life about? What am I supposed to be doing? We start evaluating our actions and our behaviors, and we want to put some goals there to ensure that our values are being lived out.

Killian says a midlife crisis is often an indicator that purpose and meaning are missing in our lives. Therefore, a thorough evaluation of one's actions, behaviors, and goals to ensure they are aligned with values is a crucial aspect of managing the midlife crisis. So what does that mean? It means that when you start feeling some. symptoms of a midlife crisis. I won't give them to you. I'll share what the symptoms are, and that there are some things that you can do to take a look at your life and evaluate and say, this is probably why I'm experiencing that. It's not a diagnosable condition as we said, but it is very real. Because in midlife, there is a huge overlap of overwhelm, stress, as we mentioned before, switching roles, or the increasing amount of roles that we have to go through. Midlife women are called being in the sandwich. We're in the middle of caring for children, perhaps elderly parents, and we're still working. And then on top of that, we're dealing with significant changes in our body. Hello, midlife. Yes, we feel you. We see you. Our body is doing something that maybe we even feel frustrated or depressed because we feel like our body is betraying us. We've got some weight gain going on all things. Maybe related to menopause, hot flashes, losing sleep, and some of us having very little time or energy to prioritize taking care of ourselves like self-care.

I want to encourage this as part of self-care. We're not exercising. We're not active. We're not doing some of the things that we used to do on a regular basis. So let's talk about some of the symptoms of the midlife crisis. Depression or increased depressive behaviors. For example, a more sedentary lifestyle, sitting around a lot, not being active, not getting outside in nature, not exercising. I want to talk to you about exercise. Women, you've got to keep moving. You've got to push yourself. If you've not been someone who's exercised in the past, think about it as a new challenge. Think about lifting weights. A lot is happening in bone density.

I was just talking to a friend not too long ago, and she said, if you all are not on some vitamins for osteoporosis, get on those because she's super healthy. But lo and behold, she ends up with a vitamin deficiency and has osteoporosis, brittle bone disease because of menopause, and the depletion that happens. So we know that, I hate to tell you this, but there is a statistic out there that says there is a higher level of suicide, I don't even like to say it, but committing and completing suicide because of depression.

Another characteristic of a midlife crisis is the reflection on the deep questions. We talked about this at length last episode, again, 117, because we started thinking about what has my life been for and what have I left behind. I'm questioning some of the choices that I've made. Should I have done this? This is when regrets start to pop up. We wonder. Have I really given love a chance? Did I really experience all that life has for me and am I running out of time? Did I have children or if I didn't have children or if I did have children do I regret that? Have the children been kind of a heartache to me or a blessing? All of those things we start really reflecting on the deep questions of life.

And if by the way, you are reflecting on a deep question about the existence of God, if you've stumbled onto this podcast and you're not sure about that, I'd love to talk to you about the reality and even my testimony of how I met Jesus Christ. A radical conversion. Like I know that I know that I know that God is real. You could never convince me that God isn't real.

Here's another thing. If you're going through sleep problems, so changes related to perimenopause, Hey, newsflash, 30-year-old to 40-year-olds, you're coming into it, sleep changes, and you can start feeling, waking up at night with night sweats and palpitations of the heart and restlessness, it's real y'all. The struggle is real changes in weight. That's another one. No wonder women are feeling kind of frustrated and having a little bit of depression because this feels like a crisis. The things that I used to be able to eat, I can't eat them anymore. My body does not do the same thing. We know every seven years we go through a shedding of skin cells and a change of hormones, and something happens.

Now it is a myth that you cannot lose weight in menopause. That's a lie. Don't say that. Don't let your brain hear that. Don't make that confession. You can be in the best, best physical. Shape of your life in midlife. You truly can but you do have to be smart You have to get re-educated about your body about what works and what doesn't work because your body does change some of us, not me. Some of you have lost weight in menopause. I am now at my perfect weight and I'm super thankful for that but I did get very fluffy during menopause because your body becomes a fat-producing machine. Your body and your fat become super best friends because fat produces estrogen and you're in a depletion of estrogen. So no wonder your body is really doing amazing things for you.

But you're going to have to adjust your lifestyle to accommodate what's going on. Then there's just a sense of boredom or apathy. It's not depression perhaps, but maybe just, just an ambivalence. Like you don't know what you want to do. You've lost kind of some of your passion for life. Midlife can be a time when many things manifest as boredom, apathy, or lack of motivation. That goes back to purpose. Again, you don't have a purpose that is pounding in your chest and compelling you to keep going. That is devastating. I hope that that is not you. And that's another thing, a sense of loss, any crisis, the underlying feeling of loss and instability, or, or that feeling that, um, Everything is changing and I'm out of balance. I don't have stability. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. What about contemplating a big change?

If you find yourself really thinking about making a big change. Again, we talked about divorce. I'm not for divorce. I am for God's ideal for marriage, but I know it happens. It happened to me. I know that sometimes In this world, it is unavoidable. Not everybody has a choice. Sometimes we are abandoned. It happens. Or you've put up with something that's really been abusive and it's toxic and you feel like God is saying to you, you don't have to keep living like this.

For me, that was my case. But here's the point. Some kind of big change, quitting my job, leaving a relationship, starting a relationship, getting married, or adopting a child. If you're feeling like you're about ready to just jump off the cliff and do something, take heed, and get some counsel. You may be feeling like you just need something really radically different because you're bored and you're just contemplating a big change to spice up your life.

If you're fixating on days gone by, you might be in a midlife crisis. You're sad about what was, and that's because you know, you're looking in the rearview mirror. You have days gone by. nothing for the future. What about a desire to change your physical appearance? I think that's okay. I think that's a new haircut, weight loss program, getting involved in exercise, all things good. And yet at the same time, could be a sign that you're grappling with something more than just, Oh, I want to change my hairdo. You're saying I need something different in my life.

Or if you're feeling extreme feelings of being overwhelmed or emotional volatility. If you're experiencing some physical pain in your life, like your body is letting you know, Hey, the stress is unmanageable. We have too many things. Again, you are in the sandwich generation. If you're still caring for even adult children. I love my adult children. I'm still helping them. I'm still ministering to them. I have one child in particular who is going through a difficult season in their life. I'm very involved in helping that child and it is a stressor for me. It's joyful. It's painful. I wouldn't have it any other way. But I feel it, y'all. I feel it. And my career, that's taking off. And my mom, that's going to be 87 next month. Yeah, I'm feeling it.

So I know if I'm feeling it, you all are going through it too. So we know what causes this. It's biological changes. It's relational changes. It shifts. It's financial changes. Maybe you have a husband who's just retired and you're just really on a different kind of a budget now and not things like they used to be, or maybe he's around the house all the time. You're caregiving for parents and children and lots going on.

So here, I want to give you a few things as we wrap up this time today on what you need to do. If you're going through that, first of all, don't do it by yourself, find a community, find a friend, and talk to people who are in similar situations. Send me an email, dawndamon.com, braveheartedwoman.com. You can combat this loneliness that you're feeling or this confusion that you're feeling. If you want to not go it alone, get in the community and let.

I also think it's really important to journal and I love journaling. I journal around questions. Maybe I'll do an episode on this one thing. By the way, I journal around. Why am I feeling like this? Who is my system is upset? I think we are the sum total of every age we've ever lived. So as a young adult upset, as a child within upset, what am I feeling? What is it being triggered is really I'm reacting. What's going on inside of me? So a journal really helps me get in touch with what I'm doing. When I start writing, I find out what I'm feeling because I don't know what I'm feeling until I start writing it down. Then I prime the pump and then all of a sudden the feelings and the emotions will come. Fact, truth be known, I often cannot cry. Until I've started to journal, it's just stuck. When I start journaling, then I get in touch with what I'm feeling.

Now, I really, the next thing you can do is exercise. We've talked about this on this episode already, but I want you to think about exercise as a routine. There are so many ways you can exercise. There are so many videos on YouTube today that you could just stand. I do an arm exercise lately every morning. It's on video on YouTube, but every day I exercise, I do something, I do squats while I'm brushing my teeth, whatever it is. Some squats are better than no squats. So get busy and move. It's an excellent way to shrug off the depression and the apathy and it really gets those endorphins going. Dopamine going in your brain. It is a mood shifter. Changing your physiology will change your state quickly. And if you're not in an exercise class, that's another way to get into the community and share with others who are going through what you're going through. So even join a class, right?

Then reframe. If you listen to The Bravehearted Woman Podcast, you know that we are reframers. We don't just listen to the story that's going on in our heads. We don't take the worst-case scenario and take it as, you know, fact or law. First, we question our questions we analyze our analytics and we talk about, is what I'm really feeling true. What about my code of conduct? Am I violating my code of conduct? Or are the rules that I've placed for myself? What if my rules aren't true? So stay curious, but really definitely think about reframing what I'm feeling and going through. Maybe there are some positive things. Maybe I'm thinking isn't exactly how it is. I can embrace this pivotal stage of my life in some really positive ways. Again, don't do it alone. If you have a partner, if you have a spouse or a best friend, bring them in on what you're feeling and what you're experiencing.

I will give you a couple more, but start something new. DSD = Do something different. I learned that from Amy Porterfield. I was just taking a class with her. So DSD is doing something different. Start something new. Take a painting class.

I have a girlfriend who, and I'll give a shout-out. Her name is Karen Nelson, phenomenal painter. I have known her for years. I haven't been in touch with her now, but I watch her and follow her on Facebook. She is so incredibly talented, and I ask her, I go, Karen, how come we didn't know this about you when we were in choir together, in church together? She said I didn't know this about me. She just learned it in midlife. She's got a studio now, doing art shows, and oh my goodness. What's on your bucket list? Start something new today.

Then I would just say to you, make sure that you just stay connected to the best version of yourself. By that, I mean, it's a slippery slope when we kind of throw up our hands and say, I don't care anymore. We get into apathy. I call it the A-trap avoidant, apathetic, ambivalent, angry, and anxious. We start feeling some of those things. We are in the A trap, sucking our energy and our joy for life. What is the best version of you? Reconnect with her. Remember how it felt when you were in the zone? Remember how you felt, remember how your self-esteem was just soaring through the roof because you were doing the do, you were exercising, you were eating right, you were in a good relationship, you were in love, or you, your faith was rich in God, you were serving in ministry. Reconnect to that best version of yourself. By the way, reconnect with nature too. I love just getting outside. I love putting my feet on the earth and we live on the lake and it is beautiful.

I'll tell you this story last autumn, I threw pumpkins out in my backyard and I did it on purpose hoping that maybe they would take root and they would seed. So yesterday I opened the door and walked out of my deck a year later and there is a huge pumpkin patch. They're everywhere and I'm so thrilled. There's something so incredible about I didn't do it. I mean, what did I do? But I planted the seeds. Sometimes my sister, my friend, my bravehearted friend, just plant the seeds. May I just plant seeds in you today? Your best years are still ahead of you. You still have time on this earth. God still wants to use your life. So don't quit on you. Don't quit on your dreams. Not happening. I'm not gonna. I don't want you to either. Stay alert, and read some amazing books. Read Christian books for sure, read some business books, read some personal development books, read my book, and I'm going to leave you with that one, The Making of a Bravehearted Woman. And I have been told that it is the best book of the decade that someone in the publishing industry has read. God bless. Thank you so much. Pray with me that this book will take wings and soar. But listen, if you're a midlife woman listening to this, or you're headed for midlife, I want you to get this book and I want you to read it. It's coming out very soon and you can get your copy. We'll put it in the show notes, how to do that.

I also know that defeating a midlife crisis can sometimes be taking care of yourself. And when you look in the mirror, you, you're, you're pleased with, you're at peace with, I have some beauty secrets that help you in midlife to not just Give up, okay, and quit, but to continue to care about your appearance. And so I'll give you those beauty secrets too. You can download that. That's your free gift this month. Alright, you all, love you, I hope that this is giving you value. And lastly, and I might have said that a moment ago, but I'm gonna say it again, lastly. If you're really in some serious depression, please see a therapist. Tell someone ASAP. Don't try to get out of that black bag all by yourself. Get some help. Okay?

That's what I have for you today. This is Dawn Damon, your Braveheart mentor telling you, ladies, it's time for you, to find your brave and live your vision!