A Fortune 500 Woman’s Hidden Battle on Domestic Violence with Melissa Franks

Dawn Damon: Hey, beautiful, braveheart, it's at your girl, Dawn Damon. Good to be with you again today.

My guest today is a fractional COO, a business strategist and an advocate for high-performing women in business. She's a seasoned business strategist, podcast host, speaker transformation leader, and the founder of On Calls, COO, empowering female entrepreneurs, helping them and other women design the lives that they wanna live. Lives that they love while achieving balance and success. She's a strong voice for domestic violence awareness and family court reform. Please welcome to the show today our guest, Melissa Franks.

Hello, Melissa.

Melissa Franks: Hello. It's so great to be here with you today.

Dawn Damon: Thank you for taking your time to stop by and greet all of our bravehearted women. Melissa, you know I'm reading your story, and I'm like you were and are a Fortune 500 COO, and yet you're experiencing a secret life of abuse in your marriage. You're trying to keep all of it together. Talk to us a little bit about your story.

Melissa Franks: I think that my story is a common one. It just so happens that maybe I have a little bit more professional success. Than the average woman, frankly, especially inside of financial services or the technology sector, which is where I was, I was the top, I was in the top 1%.

You know, there weren't many of us there, and really, what it was was a story of living two lives now, a few years, kind of, you know, beyond. When everybody became very aware of what was happening inside my house, I was able to really craft. Two identities, and one of them was my professional identity and who she was and how she moved through the world and how she communicated, and there was the identity that I had at home, which was much more around preserving safety for myself and my children and trying to the best of my ability to make smart decisions on the fly so that. Until there was a point in time where maybe we could make an exit or do some other things, that I kept the facade up on the professional side, and you know, it was a decade of cultivating those two lives, and you get really good at having multiple versions of yourself.

experienced that. You said in: 2023

Melissa Franks: Yeah. I think that, you know, regardless of what you believe in, whether you're a universe person or a God person, or something in between, there was always a reckoning day to a certain point, and you can only juggle so much for so long, and that's really what happened in July of 2023. I had already made decisions professionally, understanding that I needed to, in order to change my personal circumstances, I also needed to change my professional circumstances.

w, he was arrested in July of: 2023

And for somebody who had spent decades. You know, plotting a course and following it along, and eventually getting professional success in all of the things. That moment in October of 2023 was really humbling and was also a pivotal point because I could either give up. And I'm moving with my parents and just kind of, you know, lay down and die, or I could fight, and I fought my way out of it.

Dawn Damon: Yeah, well done. And you know, like you said at the very beginning, my story is a common one. I have been recording podcasts here now this week, getting my fall season together and like you, I have so many incredible, beautiful, wonderful women who are gifted and articulate and doing the things, and then over here they have this other life of domestic violence and abuse and cancer and infertility, all of these other things. And so you decided, I'm not gonna let this crush me. How did you navigate, you know, all that public scrutiny?

Melissa Franks: So I live in a small town where I grew up, and everybody's business is everybody's business.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. God bless the small towns.

Melissa Franks: But I'm also a pretty tough cookie, you know? So for a long time everybody knew, oh, she's that one that has that big job and travels around the globe, and you know, there was enough healthy distance that as much of the talk and the noise and the things that were going on, I really focused on what the lived experience that my children are having day in and day out. And how do we protect and preserve that? And whatever's gonna come at me as an adult, let it. You know, even creepy people sending me crazy texts and having to get the police involved because they were just trying to phish information. As long as that didn't impact my children, and as long as they could have a better life after than they did before. Yeah. The pivotal incident, nothing else really mattered to me, and what I really came to realize very rapidly, I think this is because I was doing a lot of personal development, trying to figure out how to get out of my circumstance, is that I couldn't spend time wallowing in decisions that literally my 20-year-old self made. I mean, if anybody thinks about themselves at 20, you know. I had no business choosing a life partner. I had no, you know, like a lot of the things that I was 10 toes down and fighting on, I just, I didn't know any better. I was 20 years old. I was 21 years old. Right.

I had to just say, you know what? She did the best that she could with what she had, and I'm gonna do the best that I can with what I have now as a 45-year-old. And yes, that's what I did. And so with the community at large, it was really a, if you wanna ask me a question, I'll give you an honest answer, and that's probably gonna make you more uncomfortable, that it's gonna make me, and it usually did.

Dawn Damon: Yeah, that, and you know, what a great reframe because really, you know, we live our lives. We think, you know, we're trying to keep everybody happy or keep this veneer up or whatever it is. And, there was a book that I read once where the guy said, Why are we people pleasing? They're not coming to your funeral.

80% of these people you, they're, and if they do come, they're not crying. So we spend our whole life trying to make a bunch of people happy. Like, you know what? No, I'm not gonna do that. I love that you now have a voice. Tell me a little bit about that. For domestic violence, and you're in the courts a little bit. God bless you. You know, too, for protecting the children. What does that look like for you today?

Melissa Franks: So it's tricky. I joke because what else can we do, that you know, I'm gonna be the Brad and Angelina of Northern California because we are well over two years in and have not really resolved anything. So it's not a fast process, it's not a cheap process.

But what I will say is that because I'm in the midst of it, I can't talk about the details of the case. What I can talk about is my experience within it. I have had a lot of challenges. I have a restraining order in place, and I've had a lot of challenges with law enforcement, the district attorney's office, you know, these officials that are supposed to protect us, and what I realized is that we really actually need to be our own advocates.

And so a lot of what I share is education. I had no idea what the definition of domestic violence was. Before I had a lawyer who could tell me, and gosh darn it, if I had known, I probably would've left a decade before I did. Oh, yes. You know, because it's, it's not as severe as one thinks. And so a lot of what I do in the space now is I just share information because I think that I'm not the only one.

I'm also very public with my story because the more successful women become. The harder it is for them to be vulnerable and ask for help, and you really kind of protect the facade in the narrative. So I know I'm not the only Fortune 500 female executive who has, is living a life like that. I know that I'm not the only other professional executive out in the workforce whose home life was exactly the same, if not worse.

And so I really want to advocate for. Those stories need to be able to come forward. Because what we hear often about domestic violence is it's, you know, the woman that's trapped, that has no money, that's a stay-at-home mom. That's, and it's more faceted than that. And if I can speak up and really share that, then I think it gives encouragement to bravery with others, so also to do the same.

Dawn Damon: Yeah, that's a really excellent point because we do think of domestic violence as. The woman who's being beaten to a pulp has to escape with just the clothes on her back. And as you point out, violence or domestic abuse is so multifaceted. It can be simply hiding money from you. And not giving you access to funds or the gaslighting that you know, we talk about. But there is a lot of that. And I think that my marriage touched on that as well, had I known the full extent of what it meant. Like you're saying, you know, I would've said, Oh, this is not a good environment. This is, as we say, toxic. Cliches are cliches 'cause they're true. Right? But those words describe it. How did you start over? How did you start your next business?

Melissa Franks: So I think that part of my career, because I was the only woman, I was really like, I was climbing a ladder that wasn't meant for me. I had to adopt this perspective that other people's opinions really don't matter to me.

And in fact, they did not. I got to a place where you could literally say whatever you wanted to my face or behind my back, and I'm like, oh, that's all right. That's not true, or whatever. And so it gave me. A good amount of courage and bravery to just keep moving, and I really focused on what's the next right step.

So literally sat in this office in a different chair, in a different part, on October 16th, and just found out my job didn't exist, and he wasn't gonna honor the severance package. And so I emailed an appointment lawyer, and then my next phone call was to a friend who had said she needed help. With her business, like just the week prior. And I'm like, Hey, I've got some free time on my hands. What would that look like? And she ended up being my first client. And then I, so that was the next right move. Okay. I've got a little bit of income filed for unemployment, you know, did all the things. And as things progressed, you know, things got worse. Before they got better. I was tapping into my network, trying to find jobs. I never intended to own my own business. I wanted to go back to work. But what I realized, and as I had said earlier, is that the best thing for the kids. It was for me to be here and be present and ensure they were safe and that things were stable and consistent.

And so that meant I couldn't go get another huge, high-powered job because I'd be on the road all of the time. And so I had to rewrite our narrative. I spent a little bit of time on government assistance, so you know, we can talk about SNAP benefits and Medi-Cal and all of those things. Yeah. But it was really the process of me regrouping. And getting to a place where I could say that one first clients has now turned into a business that has a team of five and 12 clients. And you know, as well, it's achieved seven figures in the first two years. And so, that's really all that comes down to: What's the next right move? What step can I take today? How can I show up and just move the needle? And then. Eventually, the momentum carried itself.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. Beautiful. And isn't that the way out of any situation? Just take the next right step, the next right. Do it afraid, but keep moving forward. Martin Luther Jr. said, If you have to crawl, crawl, but by all means keep moving forward. Yeah. I'm curious, do you wish you had known then what you know now, any of those things?

Melissa Franks: I think that before, I wasn't ready. In a variety of ways, I'm living the life that I'm living. So the business is growing, you know, rapidly, which is fantastic because what I am an expert in is growing businesses.

So it's good that I can practice what I preach, but this would've never been possible if I were still inside my marriage, which I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. So I think that I had to evolve to the place that I was. When all the changes happened in order to make this next thing possible.

As much as I was confident professionally, I think that, especially in the community that I live in, and just kind of how we grew up, like success was being married, success was having, you know, a bunch of children. Success was being heavily involved in the community, and so even though it was a farce letting go of that, I needed to be in a space where it didn't really matter because I had my own definition of success, and I was achieving it every day.

Dawn Damon: You know you're saying that, and I'm thinking, we love our comfort. Our brains love comfort. Even if our comfort is dysfunctional, it's still what we know, and it is scary to face. I went through a divorce after 28 years of marriage, and I was in this place of the unknown, and I was so afraid, and yet I knew. That transition, that painful transition, would've brought me into the place that I am today. I would've taken it much sooner. And that's not always everyone's story. And yet at the same time, we have to trust and believe that, you know, God's got better on the other side of this. How did you fast-track your success? Because I mean, you have grown fast and exponentially. Are there any secrets you can tell us?

Melissa Franks: It is getting in the right rooms with the right people that really is what it comes down to. Within days of not having a job, and like helping a friend and doing all the things, I had an opportunity to join a mastermind, and the reason that I did it made no economic sense. It was actually a fool's errand to spend that money on that. Especially based on just where things were headed. And I knew it at the time, but I knew also that even if it was gonna be temporary, creating income for myself, I needed to have skills I didn't have, and I needed to have connections that were not inside of my corporate network.

a one person. And in March of: 2024

Dawn Damon: Yeah. So good. Getting into the environment, getting into other circles. We know that we hear that, and yet, so seldom are we willing to take that risk. Dive in there. Well, I don't know anybody. And what if I don't fit in? And all of the things that can be whispering in our ear. And you did it. Well done. What's next for you, Melissa? Where are you going next?

Melissa Franks: Girl, that's a good question. I mean. We're gonna keep growing the business, you know, so the sky's the limit. The mission of the business is to really help female entrepreneurs be more successful, and how define success. I selfishly want women to own more of the entrepreneurial pie.

I just wanna see us, you know, carve out. And the best way that I can impact that is by bringing the skills that we have to market. Interestingly enough, the team that I have collected, if the women who are incredibly smart and are working for me now had a similar story where they were unemployed and they had been applying for jobs, and you know, couldn't find another C-suite position. And so now they're servicing clients within the on-call COO umbrella, and they've been able to get their power back and really take their gifts and bring them out into the world. So the goal is to keep growing the business and help more businesses. We're very lucky; we've touched every industry. So you name it, we can do it. And that's a little bit fun because we, every hour is a different hour sometimes, you know, and my kids are teenagers, so it's soaking up those last few years that they're in the nest, and it's rediscovering or discovering who I actually am, you know, that's kind of a side project.

Dawn Damon: Very cool. So the founder of On Call COO. Very cool name. Brilliant concept. Thank you. So great. Congratulations on that. What if women wanna get hold of you? Is there a special place we can find you?

Melissa Franks: Yeah, I mean, they can either come chat with me on Instagram, which is just my name, so Melissa Franks, or they can go to melissafranks.com and schedule a call if they have some business things that they wanna discuss.

Dawn Damon: Alright, so to schedule that call, we'll make sure we put that address in our show notes. You're also a podcaster. I listened to some of your things. Great. And so they can listen, they can glean from you there as well.

Melissa Franks: Absolutely. Yeah. That podcast has been around, it will be three years old in or two. So, two or three years ago, I can't remember now, in December. We kind of run the gamut of topics around what we talk about. Sometimes it's current events in business, and sometimes it's just really sound advice.

Dawn Damon: Yes. Hey, one last question before I leave. Yeah. I was really wrapping it up, but I got one last question for you. Yeah. When you were little and growing up, did you ever picture this for yourself? Did you know you were a maven of business?

Melissa Franks: Uh, no. So I went to college to be an English teacher, a high school English teacher. To be specific. I had some friends towards the end of college who started student teaching high school, and it was such a dumpster fire that literally my sister had to step in 'cause she was a high school senior at the time and bring law and order to the classroom. So, I took that off the list immediately when I was very tiny. I wanted to be a lawyer, and the only reason I wanted to be a lawyer is 'cause I wanted to wear a suit and go to an office. Oh, you know, there was no other thinking aside from that. But if you had told me, even, you know, when I was in college, you're gonna end up in the technology sector. I hated science and math. So that would've been weird, and you're gonna run big businesses and eventually have your own. I would've laughed you out of the room. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I like to read and analyze text, and maybe I'll work for a publisher. This was definitely not the plan, but I've loved every minute of it, and it definitely was the right plan in the end?

Dawn Damon: Yes. Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for coming on, and you know, for all of you listening, what a great testimony of saying don't hem yourself in, get rid of those limiting beliefs. Who knows what is yet ahead of you? We hear that 70 is the most significant season of a woman's life. How can that be? Well, there are. Still, there are things inside of you that you may not know about an unreasonable dream. So I just ask for you to think about as you hear this today, what might be ahead of you? Are you willing to believe big, dare to dream, and do it afraid?

This is Dawn Damon, your braveheart mentor. Hey, I'm gonna leave you like I always do. Is this your moment to find your brave and live your dreams!