Living with Bipolar Disorder with Kimberly Powers

Dawn Damon: My guest today is a fully licensed professional counselor, an award-winning author, and an entrepreneur who vulnerably shares about her mental illness. She passionately seeks to empower and equip others to break free from the shame and stigma of mental illness by teaching others to effectively learn how to manage their symptoms. In her award-winning book, A Mind Restored: Finding Freedom from the Shame and Stigma of Mental Illness Please welcome my friend and my guest today, Kim Powers.

Hi, Kim!

Kimberly Powers: Hi, Dawn. Thank you so much for having me. It's so great to be here with you.

Dawn Damon: You're so welcome and thank you for being willing to be on your brave. We always ask our guests about their brave moments and we'll talk about it, but you're brave even in this moment.

There still is such a stigma around mental illness and yet You know, the brain is an organ in the body that malfunctions. I tell people, Hey, I wear glasses because the organ of my eyeballs doesn't work as well.

Kimberly Powers: Right.

Dawn Damon: So thank you for being willing to be brave and to help normalize this thing called mental illness. Tell us a little bit about yourself as we dive in here today.

Kimberly Powers: Yes. Thank you so much for having me and you're right, that bravery is hard to come by sometimes, isn't it?

Dawn Damon: It is.

Kimberly Powers: We've all experienced it at points, and I have really wrestled with finding that courage to talk about my illness, which is bipolar disorder type 1 with psychotic symptoms. So, as you can imagine, I have carried this illness since I was diagnosed when I was 16 years old as just a sophomore in high school. And I have lived with this diagnosis now. I just turned 40 this year. Yay!

Dawn Damon: Oh, congratulations!

Kimberly Powers: So, I'm middle-aged now. But, you know, it took me quite a while. Over two decades, like you say to have the courage to talk about my illness. It wasn't just until the last couple of years that God really moved my heart and gave me the supernatural peace that passes all understanding and the courage to talk about my illness in a new way and that was through a book that I published, as you mentioned, A Mind Restored: Finding Freedom from the Shame and Stigma of Mental Illness. That is really what it is about, how I have effectively learned to manage the symptoms of my illness over the years, and by the grace of God, my illness has been in remission for the past 13 years. S the steps that I take every day to manage my symptoms.

Dawn Damon: Yeah. So I want to hear your story. How did you, you kept it under wraps for two decades because the shame was so powerful. That's what shame does to us because we think we are our diagnosis. We don't know how to separate it, but what happened that helped you decide, okay, you know what, enough. I'm going to talk about it. I'm coming out with this. Was there a moment in time or was it a gradual thing?

Kimberly Powers: It was gradual. About five years ago, you know, I had thought about God and had laid it on my heart to start writing. At the time, not thinking about getting published or anything like that, but just to write my story for my own healing process. And, you know, it's so cathartic to write and journal. So I began writing my story and at the time I had, you know, professional supervisors, and as a licensed professional counselor, I work with my supervisors in case consultation, growth, and overall growth as a therapist.

So, you know, throughout sharing with various people about what I was going to do, I got some negative feedback. It really perpetuated that shame that I carried. I put my notebook in a drawer and I didn't touch it for three years. That you can see, you can hear the tension there, the conflict, internal conflict.

And so, you know, it was, again, a later date, a church that I had belonged to that the pastor did not believe in mental illness. So you can imagine there too, that further perpetuated that shame and that cycle that I had gone through as far as leading up to courage, and then eventually. backing down with some discouragement.

Ultimately in the last probably three years, I had found a new therapist. You know, I firmly believe in therapy, of course, as a professional therapist, but also from my own experience, the benefits that I have found. I switched to an EMDR therapist who is trained in that modality. It's a specific type of counseling treatment and intervention that works specifically with trauma and healing from trauma. And so, you know, I began working with my therapist, working through my trauma. And it took all those years of talk therapy to the next level, to a deeper level that I had never experienced this kind of healing.

And so God used that in my life in a profound way. For me to be able to, with actually my therapist's encouragement, take out that notebook from the drawer and continue to share my story.

Dawn Damon: We are so glad that you did that because it is an award-winning book. In fact, you were the book of the year in one award and many other award programs were so proud of you. But can you help us understand what bipolar is? You make the distinction between bipolar disorder and one psychotic episode. So tell us a little bit about what that is and maybe help us understand what's the difference between bipolar one and bipolar two.

Kimberly Powers: Yes. Thank you. That is a wonderful question because, you know, bipolar disorder is a mental illness that is typically misunderstood. It's not without, you know, question because Unless you've experienced it unless you've worked with a professional, you know, you don't quite understand the dynamics. You know, it's easily perceived as, oh, moods and things like that, which, it is a mood disorder, and type 3. So let me start with type 3, that's the mildest form, which is called cyclothymia, and that includes what you might commonly think of as mood fluctuations, easily high, easily low, and easily irritable. It doesn't involve type 2 or type 3, which includes a manic episode.

The next more moderate type is type 2.

Dawn Damon: Okay.

Kimberly Powers: Type 2 includes a hypomanic episode and somewhat of a moderate depression. Let me describe mania. So a manic episode includes some bizarre behaviors, a lot of energy, a lot of energy. So more than usual energy, highs, lows, that's normal for every person, right? So this takes it to an extreme level and abnormal level and some euphoria and concerning, you know, yellow flags. So you may not want to sleep. You may want to shop more, spend more money, reckless decisions, and relationships. So type two is more moderate. It does not need hospitalization.

Dawn Damon: Okay.

Kimberly Powers: One, like I say, is the type that I've experienced. That is the most extreme type of bipolar. That includes a full-blown manic episode at least once in your lifetime and a major depressive episode that may include suicidal ideation and may be serious enough that it needs hospitalization.

And so all of these types of bipolar are managed with medication, therapy, and, you know, learning how to regulate your emotions, which all of us need to learn, right? It's a healthy coping skill. How do I sit with my emotions? How do I work through when I'm upset, when I'm irritable, when I'm, you know, high or low? So this type of mood disorder is more extreme and it's concerning and it's not your normal mood. It's beyond that. Some types of type 1 include psychotic symptoms, like what I experienced. It doesn't necessarily have to have psychotic symptoms, but it can. So, let me explain a little bit about psychotic symptoms.

Dawn Damon: Please do.

Kimberly Powers: Yes. With psychosis, you are out of touch with reality. So you may experience delusions. seeing or thinking about things that are not really happening. Hallucinations, you know, hearing things, you know, when I was 16, I thought I saw a man in the hallway that was not really there. I thought as far as delusion and paranoia, I thought that a man at my high school was the anti-Christ.

So you see that this is. out of touch with reality and not grounded in truth. It may exacerbate or take out of context some things that are not normal and are concerning.

Dawn Damon: That's a great understanding for us.

I have a follow-up question because you mentioned that it's treatable with medication. I do know that from what I'm told that's a little bit of a process. It takes some time to figure that out. But when someone is in the mania, I am told that that's kind of a euphoric state and it's very difficult to get someone to agree to medication. They feel very creative. They have a hypersexuality. They have this religion, and sometimes that kind of gets in the mix. So they're hearing God and hearing how amazing they have all this energy. They don't need to sleep. They're coming up with creative innovations and. things that no one else has discovered before. So it's difficult. Then also, can you talk about the cycle? Is there a pattern? Is there a rapid or a slow cycle? And so I just threw a bunch at you there, but the medication, you know, how do we talk to someone who might be refusing that?

Kimberly Powers: Well, that is the difficult part of managing a mental illness is when others looking in see red flags. However, the individual is unaware of the danger or the risk. So this type of disorder is called anosia, which means I am totally unaware of my symptoms as it is happening. That is the most difficult time for a person to receive treatment or ask for help as we know, because they're unaware.

So thankfully by the grace of God, I was aware as scary as that was and as alarming as that was, I had some awareness of what I was going through as it was happening, which you can imagine the intensity knowing like, wow, this is. a lot. It was very overwhelming. And, you know, especially with some of my religious, I did have religious psychosis, as far as what I was mentioning about the anti-Christ. I thought it literally was the end of the world, that the rapture was about to happen, that this, the airplanes were about to fall out of the sky, just very bizarre, very extreme.

The medications that I have taken every day since I was 16, as much as I thought that at first, and a lot of people do, as you say, I've taken antipsychotic medication, and that is the one medication type, class of medication that can prevent manic episodes and can prevent psychotic episodes. So, you know, medication definitely is something that a doctor recommends, prescribes, helps decide the types of meds, the combination of meds, and the dose of medication. So it's very important not to self-diagnose. Even as a licensed professional counselor, I'm trained clinically in mental health counseling at, you know, a master's degree level.

So I've experienced, okay, I think I know, I understand, which I do. which helps to give a lot of insight into my own illness and the clients that I work with. However, I still have to consult with my doctor, a professional, you know, who does have an outside professional experience that can speak into and treat me and say, Kim, how are you doing? Actually, I see this red flag. Let's adjust. Let's do this. But thankfully, with however much time I've been learning about my illness, I am also able to advocate for myself as well. And so, you know, if you or your loved one especially has one of these struggles, or maybe it's not bipolar disorder, maybe it's severe depression, maybe it's overwhelming anxiety, maybe it's ADHD, right? Some of these other symptoms that many, many people experience daily may or may not be as concerning as what I am talking about.

But if your loved one is struggling, it's such a blessing and such an instrumental help to be able to speak to them and say, Hey, I'm concerned. I've been noticing this. Can we talk about this? This is what I might recommend.

So in my book, I use as a guide, not only what I have done, but how my loved ones have supported me and helped me and come alongside me at very critical times to intervene. If you can do that for someone in your own life, I would encourage you to do that.

Dawn Damon: That's really beneficial for us to hear. Thank you for mentioning that. That is, that's also in your book, because how do we ourselves? Are there some things that we can do to see if our own mental health is at risk? In other words, you know, if I feel like I might be at a place where I need some intervention, and I'm aware of that. How can I recognize that?

Kimberly Powers: Yes, it's such a critical question.

I talk about green flags, yellow flags, red flags, and also orange flags. Now, green flags, of course, we know, okay, I'm good. I'm good to go. I'm in a good spot. I'm probably in a very good spot, a great spot. I feel well. I'm maybe at peace, I'm in a good relationship with myself, with others, with the Lord, and I'm okay. So it's not concerning.

Yellow flags are when there's some risk. For example, I did have just a slight medication change in the last month and a half. I was laughing a lot, all day, every day, feeling really good, and a little too good. I know that sounds bizarre and sounds like, Oh, that's awesome. I'd love to feel that way. Well, yeah, it was great. However, knowing that I tend to be more on the hypomanic side, it was a yellow flag for me that I did reach out to my doctor and say, Hey, This is happening, so let's maybe, what do you think about adjusting this dose right now? She's like, yes, let's do that. Probably a good idea for right now. You know, so it's helpful to have a doctor who is readily available to be aware of these interventions. So that was a yellow flag for me.

A red flag would be if I was unaware. of that symptom. It became dangerous or it became a total manic episode and total euphoria, totally on top of the world, grandiosity, very goal-focused, which I do become quite a lot. I'm very productive, generally speaking. So my friends kind of tease me like, Kim, you did all that in one day. It's kind of like a dig, like, I can't even do my load of laundry. It takes me four weeks to put my laundry away, you know, so it's a little bit isolating, you know, where it's abnormal. So I don't know anyone like me, you know, and so looking for yellow flags, looking for red flags.

An orange flag is, okay, maybe I don't sleep for quite a while, or I only get three or four hours of sleep every night, but that becomes my normal. So it's no longer a red flag. Now it's an orange flag. An orange flag is something that's been in the sun too long. That's still a red flag, but it just faded to orange. So it becomes normalized. It becomes so normal that I don't think it's a concern 'cause it's my normal. However, it's probably concerning to your loved ones. They may see, Oh, you have not been sleeping for how many weeks or, you know, so I think about that. How do we intervene? When do we know to intervene, both for ourselves and for our loved ones and our family and friends? Okay, when do I say, I need help? When do I reach out for help?

So, you know, we learn, it's helpful to learn, and we can do this in therapy. By the way, if you're looking for a therapist, www.psychologytoday.com. Search your zip code, search your insurance, search what you are looking for, and you will find a therapist in your area. And so anybody can receive therapy, it doesn't again have to be something like what I've dealt with, but we each have our own struggle. You don't have to be in your worst spot to receive help. So an intervention is helpful at any stage, I believe and therapy can be helpful at any stage. Learning about yourself, asking, is this okay? Am I okay? Am I living my best life? Am I living the abundant life that God has called me to? Am I finding my purpose, my passion? Am I stuck in this place of defeat and despair? What can I do? What intervention do I need? Or maybe I am doing well. I am in my purpose. How can I rest? How can I be content at this stage? And just being thankful for what you are going through at the time. That's hard to do, isn't it?

Dawn Damon: Yeah. You know, it's so important that you have a person in your life that you trust and that can speak into your life. Because, you know, if someone has this bipolar 1, 2, or 3, but they're not willing to listen to that one individual or any individual and they go untreated, can this magnify? Can it worsen its condition? Is it really manageable holistically? Can they do some things? Can you treat bipolar disorder holistically or let me say naturally?

You mentioned our number one thing is to actively manage our disorder. What does that look like? How do we actively manage the disorder? Can we treat it naturally?

Kimberly Powers: Yes. That is a significant question to be answered. Yes and.

So, yes, and means yes. There are so many God-given ways to find wellness and wholeness. We know this. We experience this sometimes better than others, right? So, am I eating well? Am I finding nutrition? Am I hydrating? Am I drinking water? What am I filling my body with? How am I feeding and fueling myself? Sleep. Am I resting? Am I experiencing REM sleep? So, am I giving myself a shot at REM sleep every night?

Socially. So, I talk about holistic health. mental health, emotional health, spiritual, physical, relational, psychological, financial, sexual health, cultural health, and environmental. So all these pieces of the pie, right?

Okay, this is overwhelming. So what is one thing I can focus on at a time? For me, I had to address my mental health for my relational health to improve. When my mental health was better, my physical health. Okay, I'm going to try, as hard as that is, to take care of my physical self.

When I'm in a sound mind, I am better able to connect with the Lord because I'm coming before Him in a clear mind. His truth, His word is clear. It's not distorted. As I experienced at various times.

When I'm feeling better holistically when I'm experiencing wellness in some areas, I have more ability to focus on some of these other areas that I may have neglected for a while.

For me personally, when I'm in a good headspace, I can better focus on the environment around me. I can clean my house. I can do my dishes, I can do my laundry, I can make my bed, right? I can declutter and get rid of some of the extra. And so, you know, all these things are correlated and interconnected.

Dawn Damon: Yes. You talk about the relational aspect, like when your mental space is better, your relationships are better. I mean, that just stands to reason, of course. But when your mental space is better, it affects all of the areas, the financial area and the physical area and even our spiritual area, you know, that we are in balance and we're regulated. Like you said earlier, I'm in reality. I'm seeing what is really there.

Kimberly Powers: Yeah.

Dawn Damon: Versus having tiptoeing into maybe a bit of that psychosis. But the question that I have, I know situations where the person is unaware of how their behavior is affecting everyone around them and still have a refusal to trust and believe that what that person is saying to them is really real.

Maybe another person says, I don't want the medication and yet they really need it. Is that still an intervention? Do you have any advice for the person who's caretaking or in a relationship and they're ready to throw up in the towel and say, I can't do this?

Kimberly Powers: Well, unfortunately with treatment and in our system, you can't involuntarily persuade someone, admit someone if it's at the most severe level, especially if we're talking about in danger to self or danger to others.

Sometimes in danger to self doesn't necessarily mean I'm having thoughts, plans, or intentions to hurt myself or end my life. Unfortunately, we know people do that. If that is the case, you can involuntarily admit someone. You can call the nonemergency number or police number. It can be anonymous. A professional can go to check on this person and say, Hey, I know this person is in great danger and they need a higher level of care, which is inpatient treatment.

So, unfortunately, if it's not as severe as that. It's very hard to see your loved one struggling, but technically, it's out of your control. This is the heartbreak of mental illness, right? This is the heartbreak. So, it is so frustrating to see your loved one struggling, especially as an adult, right?

As adults, if you don't sign your release, your loved one can't participate in your treatment. Prayers, of course, as we as Christians, people of faith, that is something I encourage people to explore further if they do not have faith. How can I help someone?

Sometimes prayer supernaturally is a way to intervene when technically everything else is outside of your control. So, you know, in my own life, I have received a lot of prayers. My grandma said from the day I was born, she said, I prayed for you every day. I know a lot of people do not have this level of spiritual support, but in my life, that has been the tool, along with medication and therapy that has helped me be successful.

Dawn Damon: Wow. So where has God brought you today? You've accomplished so much living with this type of illness. For 13 years you've been in remission. What's happening now?

Kimberly Powers: Yeah. So it has been a fun, exciting, and scary journey, right? When we embrace the call of God in our lives and say yes. Yes, I feel this prompting. I feel your voice. I hear your voice saying, this is what's next. This is your next goal. This is what I want you to accomplish. This is what I'm calling you to. And you say, yes.

So in: 2020

I work with a receive Christian counseling. I have that great tool, right, that resource, a supernatural help, that, you know, the word ‘peace’ is mentioned in the Bible 232 times. How do I receive this peace amidst depression, bipolar, pervasive anxiety, amidst my ADHD symptoms? How do I receive this piece?

Well, we know we are actively taking ownership of our symptoms and our healing and steps forward, but we also receive this supernatural peace that passes all understanding and guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

So I'm going on a tangent, but all that to say, I'm enjoying, thoroughly enjoying my private practice. I'm living the dream. I am, you know, working as little or as much as I want and quite enjoying that. As you mentioned, God has called me to write this book and publish my story, which like you say, was a top new release on coping with bipolar disorder, won a third-place global award in Book Fest, which was featured on the NASDAQ board in New York times square. I don't know if I mentioned that to you. It received a first-place award at the WELL Conference, which is where I met you in Grand Rapids, Michigan, for nonfiction. So God has allowed these things to happen in my life. It's not without setbacks. Just to say you're in remission doesn't mean there's still struggle and doesn't mean there are still challenges.

I graduated from Cornerstone University with my bachelor's in psychology, but it wasn't without two times of withdrawing. from school because of my mental health. Then God called me to grad school. Thankfully, I did graduate undergrad. Okay, let's try grad school so I can become a therapist. I did have to withdraw once in grad school. So it's not without challenges. I didn't think I would graduate, but God did allow me to finish my degrees and my licensure. So it has been quite a journey.

Dawn Damon: Powerful.

Thank you so much for sharing everything with us today. This is very fascinating because a lot of times, you know, as a pastor, I have worked with individuals who have been tormented over this and have been afraid to take medication. I wanted to stress to them, this isn't demonic. It isn't a sin. You aren't out of the will of God. This is a physical thing at its roots. All sickness is from the enemy because we live in a fallen world. But it is a miracle that God has given us these medications that allow us to have our life back.

For me, I struggled with massive anxiety. When I was in my thirties, and if it hadn't been for therapy and that medication, I wouldn't have been able to succeed in life. I'd have been curled up in a ball somewhere or back in the day, they just institutionalized you and that was the end of it.

Kimberly Powers: Yes. I appreciate you saying that because that is unfortunate that sometimes the message of how we find help is solely spiritual, which by the way, I believe, I am a huge believer in supernatural miracles.

I've experienced firsthand a few miracles and very specific answers to prayer. So I'm not, you know, negating that in any way.

Dawn Damon: I agree.

Kimberly Powers: We know the power of God is at work in ways we don't understand. Yes, he does allow interventions, he allows medical professionals, and he allows these people who are creating these medications to be used in a way that changes lives for the better.

I think of the whole toolbox. Okay, medication is one tool in my toolbox, but for me especially, it is paramount. to make sure my brain is staying in the place it needs to in reality. So that is one huge tool in my toolbox for me. Of course, my faith is a huge tool, resource, coping, you know, just everything that helps put it in my correct framework and worldview.

Many tools are in our toolbox, you know, emotional regulation skills, conflict resolution skills, distress tolerance, all these, you know, holistic ways that we've talked about. So many tools in our toolbox that can help us experience this abundant life God has called us to.

Dawn Damon: Beautiful.

You know, I want to just close by saying, listen, if you are listening to this episode today of the Bravehearted Woman, and you are struggling with mental illness, perhaps you're still one of those people who, like my guest today, Kimberly, she kept it in the dark for over two decades.

I encourage you today. Reach out. Get intervention. Talk to someone. Refuse to live with the shame. There is freedom. There is hope. There is healing. There is the ability to live an abundant life.

Kim, final words and where can we find you?

Kimberly Powers: Yes. You know, I love this quote by Anais Nin, “And in the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom.”

And thank you again, Dawn, so much for having me on today, and it's a pleasure to be here with you, and I encourage you listeners, to reach out for help if you need it, and it is worth it.

Dawn Damon: Yes, you can find her book on Amazon, A Mind Restored: Finding Freedom from the Shame and Stigma of Mental Illness and you can also find Kim at kimberlymukapowers.com.

Kimberly Powers: Yes.

Dawn Damon: And we'll have all of that in the show notes today. Thank you once again for being with us. And my dear heart, I'm going to leave you like I always do. This is Dawn Damon, your Braveheart mentor saying, it's time for you to find your brave and live your dreams!