How to Make Pain Work for You in Midlife (7 HARD TRUTHS YOU MUST KNOW!)

Well, we know it's true, don't we? Brave hearts. Life comes at us. Life comes at us hard. And the difference between someone who makes it and someone who gives up is found in the attitude that we choose. Some say I just can't win when life throws them a curve ball, but I'm gonna equip you today, empower you today with a way that you can go through difficulties, go through problems and painful trials and experiences and come out the better for it, by the way, you know that you can rewire your brain, right?

So if your natural inclination is to be a kind of woman who is half empty, the glass is half empty kind of a woman, and I know there are many times when. I'm like that. Many of us are like that. We can change our brains so that now we begin to automatically think good thoughts, powerful thoughts. We can reframe our situation. We can develop a mindset that will help us win, not just sometimes, but in every situation, regardless of what we're going through, you can push yourself so you tap your true potential. You can get that kind of mindset that has so much grit. You keep on going. You can reach your goals, you can capture your thoughts, and you can come through difficult situations. You can intercept. Self-sabotaging mindsets and thoughts, and even words. Interrupt them. Stop them midstream. You can end procrastination. It's really possible to do. You can do it. You can make the most of your time. You can leave a powerful. And a lasting legacy, and you become the person that you're meant to be. You can become the version of yourself that you prayed for, that you would someday become. You can create a plan of action, and today I'm gonna help you because difficult experiences will come.

The question is, will they crush you? Will they help you to be the best version of you possible? So we know life is difficult. It comes at us hard. We said that when you have challenges, yet we have more control over the impact and the duration of our painful trials than we might think we may believe based on how we are feeling, that this circumstance is gonna overwhelm us, but if we define each challenge and say it can go this far and no farther, then we will see that pain is inevitable, but misery is indeed optional. Alright.

Here's why many of us don't do well during painful circumstances because we're not prepared with a philosophy about pain and difficulty. We're prepared for denial. We're prepared to think it happens to other people, but not us. But we're not prepared with a philosophy, a mindset, a gritty determination, and an attitude when pain comes. And so that's why we say. Many will say, I can't win. Life's not fair. I'm a failure. I just can't recover from this. Then a few will say, I can grow from this experience. So the training and the attitudes and the behaviors that were modeled for us when we were younger. I have a lot to do about how you and I will respond to problems. If you saw in your upbringing those who were in charge of you, leaders, teachers, parents, whoever had influence in your life, if you saw them overcoming and reframing and speaking positive thoughts, then you've learned to do that.

But if you were raised in a culture and environment where the victim wins, we get to nurse our wounds and talk about how bad life is. Then, I'm sorry to say that probably a lot of your wiring, your hard wiring in your brain, is meant to bring you down, to keep you defeated, to keep you stuck, and you think that's the proper response. But we said it a moment ago. The good news is. The brain is malleable. You can reprogram, you can train it, you can rewire it. So, today I'm gonna equip you on how to have a philosophy when bad, when not, and if right, bad experiences hit you. And so I'm gonna give you seven. Statements that help you build a powerful philosophy, incorporate these however you want, and make them your own. But let's get started. Okay? Because I want you to be an overcomer. I want you to begin to reframe and rewire, and reprogram your response. You are capable. You are responsive. I think that means responsible for your attitude, and you can fire up new neurons that bring you to a positive outcome.

Alright, so number one. I want you to realize this. Number one, you will outlive your problems. You will. They have a deadline. They have a finish line. They have an allotted period of time allowed by God that they can intervene and intercept, and interrupt. Your life trusts that God's gonna bring you through. That's his promise to you. There is a solution, there is a resolution, and know that this issue has come to pass, not to stay right? Amen. Trust that you have a reservoir of wisdom and innovation, and know how you got grit within you. Girl, you know how to endure. You know how to stand, you know how to get through this, and you have that within you. That reservoir of wisdom lives within you, and you have God's word directing you. You have trusted friends, hopefully advisors. You have spiritual leaders who will help you pray with you and speak to you.

I love this quote by Hal Barland. He was a New York Times author, writer, and columnist. No, winter lasts forever, and no spring skips its turn. Isn't that beautiful? I love that your winter will not last forever, and spring in your life will not skip its turn. See a vision of you overcoming. See yourself free of this problem. See a resolution happening and you walking into freedom, and then be patient and engage your mouth to agree with that vision. I am an overcomer. I will outlive this problem. There is a solution. God is on my side. I will not be overcome or defeated.

Alright, number two, your problems will grow you. You will grow through this adversity causes growth. Wouldn't you love it if good things caused us to grow? But the truth is really, isn't it, that when something painful comes into our life, that's when we find ourselves down on our knees, right? That's when we find ourselves digging deep within and grabbing our brave, and that's when we're stretched. That's when we increase, that's when we discover we have much more capacity than we ever knew. We find our gifts. We find some abilities and skills. We find innovation and resilience, and we have to learn new things. We find ourselves going deeper and digging harder and studying more and praying harder until we get through the circumstance. We find ourselves doing some research and learning about how to overcome what we're experiencing, and we discover places in our heart where we need to rise. We need to refine, we need to reduce. We need to get set free from. I mean, is your anger too large? Do you go through life with really large emotions, or do you go through life maybe feeling a little bit withdrawn and step back? Well, whoever you are inside, what are the voices that are going on? Who's holding onto that pain, inside that unresolved hurt or that trauma? Maybe this pain is helping you to. Identify and locate that child within that's still wounded.

Alright, number three, your pain hurts, but it will motivate you. Pain is a great motivator. Pain nourishes courage. You can't be brave if you've only had wonderful things happen to you in life. That was Mary Tyler Moore who said that when you touch a hot stove, you learn, right? I won't do that again. In fact, pain motivates you to remove your hand quickly. You go, Ooh, I'm very motivated to move. So when pain reaches us deeply. That's when we're motivated to, Ooh, I gotta do something different. I gotta make a change. I can't keep going like this.

So a philosophy that you can have about pain is, it's good for me right now. It's gonna motivate me. I need to act. I've needed to move, I need to get unstuck. I've needed to make some changes. The fact is, I've needed to face my fea,r and I haven't done it. But right now, the pain that I'm feeling is motivation enough for me to get going again. That's good for me. It's good and I'm gonna embrace it. Make sure you journal through these things when you're hurting and you're developing your philosophy about hard times, tough times, so that they get down deep on the inside of you.

Number four, you can learn how to take bad experiences and get positive results. This is a tricky one, but you can make lasting change and get those positive results. There's an energy that pain can foster. Ask Candace.

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Number five, you can choose a positive outlook. We've said this in some ways here, but let me be more specific: a positive life outlook. So I'm not just saying Pollyanna, although if you haven't seen that movie, it's really a great movie to see because she was so good at choosing a positive outlook. Once you acknowledge yourself. Once you understand, yeah, what I'm feeling, what I'm experiencing now you have a choice. So, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna keep nursing this pain? Am I gonna hold unforgiveness, and am I gonna, you know, act grudge? Am I gonna have that axe to grind and carry a grudge, or am I going to walk in forgiveness?

Here's the thing that when you choose a different outlook, it goes through your entire body. It informs your health. Now, a study of a hundred thousand women was presented at the American Psychosomatic Society in their annual meeting. That was a mouthful, but they found a strong correlation between optimism and a person's risk of cancer-related death, heart disease, or early death. In other words, they said, your attitude about life counts. If you can be optimistic and you can be positive, it has a positive impact on your physical health.

So ask yourself. What is the source of my pain? Where is it coming from? Is it really what I'm experiencing, or is it triggering some memory, some thought, or some insecurity? Do I have any control over it? And if the answer is yes, then change what you can. And if the answer is no, then reframe my opinion about this pain so I don't get stuck. Find the silver lining, find the lemonade. Make the lemonade, but remember to remind yourself of the positive good that could come from the pain that you're experiencing right now.

Number six, if God allowed it, and I didn't say created it, God is not the creator of all of our pain. He is not the one who has brought all of the tragedy into our lives. But if he didn't intercept it and stop it, if he allowed it. Then what does God have in mind? So create a philosophy around, not this, everything happens for a reason. I don't like that everything happens for a reason. The reason might be that you are being silly and stupid. The reason might be horrible reason, but I think what we mean to say is that everything that touches us, God will use for our good. That is a promise.

So, what is the heart of God? What's his intention for you in this pain? He didn't stop it, so this might make you confused. Even, even angry, God could have stopped it. He didn't. Why didn't you stop it? God, that's okay. God invites all of our emotions, even when we present them in really ugly ways. Ooh, God still says, come on, bring it. Bring it. Let it go. Come on, tell me all about it. He's not afraid of that. He invites it. He loves it. When we feel that close and safe with God that we can let him know how we're feeling. But with faith, you can expect that God will always work this out for your good. He will. That's Romans 8:28. That's Proverbs 16. God will. Allow you to feel it, but he will connect the dots of your pain with his purpose.

And then number seven, experience is not the best teacher, but evaluated experience. So I'm gonna teach you an acronym because we can all say this experience is really powerful, but it's not gonna be the best teacher. You could experience something over and over and over again. So you have to evaluate your experience and learn from your experience, as I said.

So here's a quick acronym. LEARN: L, lean into the Pain and ask for wisdom. What does this pain wanna teach you? Acknowledge that it hurts, and then evaluate what I could have done differently or what went wrong? Or maybe you would just say, did, did I respond in the best fashion here just now? Or did I give way to anger? Did I have an emotional meltdown? Did I misjudge the situation? What can I do differently? Just evaluate. Am I disappointed in how I acted? But don't just evaluate what you did wrong. Affirm what you did right? The positive emotions that you did have, the intentions that you did have. Were your intentions good? Did you mean well by it? Maybe it didn't turn out like you had hoped, but did you decide to take responsibility for yourself or did you shift the blame? Give yourself an applause if you said, yeah, I took the responsibility, and I don't mean that it was your fault. I mean that you were response able, you decided, I'm not gonna let this thing define me. Did you take the high road?

Okay, so the L is lean in, the E is evaluate, the A is affirm, and our R in our acronym is reframe the experience and grow from it. We've already been saying that if this hadn't happened, I'd never have what? If this hadn't happened, I would've never learned. I would've never grown. I would've never met, I would've never known. But now that I know that, I now know I can do this or I now, I now know that I should not do that.

William Penn said, no pain, no palm, no thorns, no throne, no gall, no glory, no cross, no crown. So learn from your pain. And then finally, the N in our LEARN acronym is name your victory for next time. Expect that with the evaluated experience comes wisdom and knowledge, and you're gonna do better in the future when you know better. You're gonna do better. So you can expect that once you get up and reengage in life, you are gonna grow, girl, and you're gonna name your victory for next time.

Okay, you know what? This happened. I'm learning from my experience, but next time I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna win. I'm gonna grow. You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice that you have. That is Kayla Mills, and I'd like to say something very similar. You never know what kind of bravery you have inside of you until you need to use it, 'cause after all, what is bravery? If we never experience a bad day or have a painful moment or go through a fiery trial, we don't wanna have those things. But if we never had anything in our lives that we didn't have to face or change, we wouldn't really know what it means to be brave.

So brave heart. What is it in your life that needs to be faced or changed or modified, or finished? What closure do you need? What relationship needs to be ended? What thing needs to be started? What do you need to begin that? God's already determined that you will win. I'm just waiting for you to start it. Okay.

Alright. That's what I have for you today. I'd love for you to get my FREE download on affirmations. These affirmations are not just words you speak. They're not just affirmations. They're activations. So you'll see that in the shownotes. Get your free download for that.

Also, my book is available to you for just $3.99 when you get it through me and this podcast, if you go to Amazon, it's $17.99, but for a limited time, you're gonna get it from me for just $3.99.

Alright, braveheart, until next time, DawnDamo, your braveheart mentor, telling you to find your brave and live your dreams!