How to Break Habits

Dawn Damon 0:09

Hey beautiful women. This is Don Gaiman the Brave Heart mentor and you're listening to the brave hearted woman. This is a podcast designed to help you find your phrase, so you can live out your beautiful vision. I have been working with women for years, and now I want to help you too. I'm here to awaken the brave heart inside of you so you can ignite the flame of your vision, you can reach your goals and achieve your dreams come on to this get free.

So our last time together with all your beautiful brave hearts we talked about the power of habit. And this week we're going to talk about how to break habits, those habits that don't serve you well the ones that are holding you back, keeping you stuck, maybe even counterproductive to where you say this is where I want to go. And yet there's sabotaging behavior through habits. So we're going to look at that today. They say it's three weeks to make or break a habit. Hmm, really. Well, realistically, experts believe it takes about 10 weeks. It's about two or three months really, or sometimes even more to break an unwanted habit. So of course, some habits may take more or less because of the, maybe the addictive nature of it. For example, if it's you want to stop smoking or you want to stop eating certain foods sugar, or you want to stop drinking. Those kinds of things take more time and more intentionality, but the amount of time it takes to break a habit depends on several things so those things include like How long have you had this habit, something that you've been doing since you were a child, perhaps that's in grain that's going to take a while, it didn't get there overnight, it's not going to go away overnight but don't be discouraged you can change, and you can break bad habits or an emotional physical or social need around the habit that habit is fulfilling something. And so those are going to take a little bit longer because you're gonna have to do some work, you have to identify what, what am I getting from this habit for example if your habit is blame, blaming or making excuses you're, you've got an emotional addiction to that because you're getting out of trouble it's giving you a reward. It's helping you not feel like a failure you have excuses that is a habit, but you can break it, but you're gonna have to do some work around that, like, how am I going to feel emotionally safe. If I have to admit that this is my fault. Well I want to tell you first of all and I love, I think it's Jack Canfield I tell you about books all the time. You can listen to my podcasts on a regular basis so you could be getting lots of information about great books, but the steps to succeed or how to really succeed starts with taking 100% responsibility for your life. And you know that we've talked about that so if you're blaming someone, or if you're making excuses you're not taking 100% responsibility, and therefore you can't really have a victorious full on powerful life because you're taking shortcuts, and that's a habit, habits might take time to break when you have support. If you're doing it all by yourself and you don't have to do it alone. But if you are might take a little bit longer. If you need help Breaking the Habit, you can get through it faster. If someone's holding you accountable. Or maybe it will take a while is the physical or emotional reward that the habit provides we talked about that you know if it's, if there's a really powerful reward that you get from it. Like I know for, for some of us who struggle maybe something,

we get stressed out and we go to our comfort food, you know that's a habit. That man doesn't give you that reward you feel so comforted you feel so understood because nobody understands you like those French fries, nobody gets what you're going through like that ice cream. So you're gonna have to have a little bit of hope there, if this habit provides a lot of reward chemically and physically, you know, emotionally. So, those things can take time but let's give you some pointers on how to break habits. The first one is, observe, just observe, be mindful about the habit of course that you want to break and observe some of the very things that we just talked about observe how you're getting rewarded from the habit, observe, when do I want to do this or when do I want to act out what am I feeling, am I trying to cover an emotion, when I use this habit, or is there something that triggers me is this habit, anchored into another one like I always have pancakes in the morning when I have my coffee, but if I'm trying to break my addiction to carbs. I'm going to have to replace that. But observe, be mindful around this habit and what you're feeling, what's going on in the environment, you know like Pavlov's dogs remember the bell would ring and they'd start to salivate because they knew that meant that a treat was coming. Be aware of your thoughts and your feelings and the things that you've developed around the habit because this practice involves observing the the impulses that relate to your habit, and don't judge yourself and don't react to them, just be aware of them just be mindful because as you become more aware and more mindful of the routine behaviors that surround your habit or the even the triggers that lead to them, you'll find it easier to consider other options, and avoid some of these cues that you, that you're getting and then you don't have to act out the urge just like an animal like a, you know, like Pavlov's dogs like I heard the bell I automatically salivate well no I can do something else is going to take time, but I can. That's the second one replace. So you might have an easier time breaking habit, if you want to replace it with something. So not just, if I say right now to you hey, whatever you do don't think about a pink elephant whatever you do, I don't want you to see that pink elephant maybe the pink elephant wearing a tutu and ballet slippers. Do not picture that. Okay, So what did you just do right, we all did, even me as I was saying, we all pictured that elephant because it's really difficult to get something out of your thoughts or your mind if you're just trying to push it out versus putting something else in. So if you want to break an unwanted behavior or habit. How about replacing it with a new behavior. For example, I might reach when I opened the refrigerator for a snack, I might go for. Normally I would go for the whipped cream and, and maybe some berries and this time, Maybe I choose yogurt instead of whipped cream or instead of the candy I'm going to reach for maybe an apple with a little bit of peanut butter on it or some dried fruit and nuts. So I'm going to still do the behavior, but I'm going to not, I'm going to break it by replacing it. And eventually, then I might change it all together. I'm not going to go to the refrigerator for my snack. I'm going to go over here to a Tupperware bowl that I have this filled with some good things, or I'm not going to have that snack at night, instead I'm going to drink a glass of water, and I'm going to have a cup of tea, maybe a nice, warm, herbal tea. So I'm going to replace the behavior, but I'm going to also try to replace the things around the behavior the time that I do things, the place that I go for it. And eventually, after you see the rewards from the new habit, like maybe more energy and less cravings of sugar, you're, you're going to have not just the behavior changing, but you're going to have so much motivation around it because the rewards are outweighing the old habit, the new habit is giving you more joy and more pleasure. Remind number three remind you might forget that you're changing behaviors and automatically do it because we know 40% of everything that we do is on autopilot, it's just automatic. And so use sticky notes colorful sticky notes, write yourself, post it notes, put it on the refrigerator put them on your mirror, put them on the places that you would see them any visual reminder that you can think of that would be where you would, where you execute this habit or this behavior,

and something that triggers you I wrote on my wrist, it took an ink pen the other day and I just wrote choose life, because I wanted to make better choices about some food that I was eating and I know that some food gives life to your body and other food that processed food, it's just death it's just poison. So I just wrote that on my, my wrist for the day. And I just kept seeing it throughout the day and when I was seeing it throughout the day. It was shooting neurons through my brain and I was saying yes choose life I'm choosing life I'm reinforcing that pattern that behavior that desire that thought. And then I started anchoring it with my water bottle. Choose life and reach for my drink, so I was developing kind of a cause and effect type of behavior that would help anchor in that new habit. And then also remind yourself why do I want to change this behavior. Why is it important that I do, what about it. Why should I change it like Simon Sinek says in his book Start with Why. Why do you want to change this behavior. What about it. Why is it harming you. Why is it stalling you or sabotaging you. So that's important to recognize that. But then, why, if I remove it, what do I get if I remove this behavior. I get to fit into that dress that I want to, I get to do that marathon that I want to, if I remove this behavior I get to have clean air going into my lungs at all times, And I can quit having sugar crashes, and my, I can control diabetes have I quit this habit. My relationships will be better and stronger. So remind yourself what's in it for you. Why are you creating a new, and a healthier HABIT NUMBER FOUR prepare. So how many know that relapse happens, it's always part of recovery or Breaking the Habit, I want you to be really gentle with yourself, if you try to break a habit, and your relapse. But it's be gentle to You Be compassionate to yourself, think about the all the progress that you did make don't beat yourself up for the one day or the one time that you didn't do it, but prepare for this, be ready for the urge to repeat itself you're going to want to act out in this habit. It's not going to go away overnight, we said that so preempt that urge, by having substitutes present, or by, you have removed the temptation, it's not somewhere you haven't hidden a pack of cigarettes under the bed or put cookies in the pantry, we're only you know where they are. You don't have that phone number of that relationship, logged into your phone anymore you remove that toxicity, you you've, you've torn up the magazine that you shouldn't be looking at you have your journal close by and ready to write in. You have a phone a friend lifeline ready. Maybe you've shared with a friend and they're going to hold you accountable, and they've given you permission to call them instead. And before you act out you're going to give your friend a phone call, and you have somebody who can help you walk you off the ledge and move you out. Just remember, you ride that wave of temptation, it is going to pass, it's not going to be there forever, but prepare for it and then remember to change your physiology, by the way when part of your preparation, when the mood comes or when the urge comes to act out or go into this old behavior, Move your body, remember that you have ABS options I mean you can jump up and down and start doing some jumping jacks, you can take a walk, you can like I said you can phone a friend, you can do some push ups, you can go get some crowns and do some adult coloring, you can drink a glass of water, you can turn on some music and dance, you can do a lot of things so prepare for a relapse. By being ready. And here's the things that I'm going to do when I start to feel the urge. And then number five, plan, plan your new habit process by starting small k bite size we know this one bite size achievable goals that give you immediate satisfaction and make you feel like a winner right away instead of a loser you don't feel defeated you can grow the habit, more and more day. Once the habit, and becomes automatic here in a couple months, but start small, because you want that immediate gratification you want that sense of victory, and that you did this thing and that yes you're winning. So don't defeat yourself before you even begin by having some crazy new habit, that's really not reasonable

or achievable. It would take a lot it's not sustainable. Break it down, make sure that it's just bite size it's achievable, and that you can do it. And you can do it many times over many days over for a few weeks over leading two months, and when you can do something like that, you are well on your way to changing your life in powerful ways. And then six motivate you have to motivate yourself for the rewards of success, you know whenever you remember we do know that motivation follows action, but, you know, breaking a habit is really, it can be difficult, it's a challenge. So give yourself rewards we've talked about that last podcast, pat yourself on the back, tell yourself, what a great job you're doing, how far you've come in fact we understand now that empathy comes from a caring listening person that can even be you. Looking in the mirror, telling yourself. I'm proud of you, you're doing well, you have, you're smashing it, you're awesome. And so even these small vape motivations can boost you and boost your confidence and continue driving you forward and making reaching for that next high level watermark is saying, Okay, I just did this for two months, I can increase it now a little bit. So focus on the progress you've made, and not what you haven't done but what you have done because then you can defeat discouragement, and you won't engage in negative self talk and was feelings of negativity that would completely kind of move you into all or nothing thinking like, I can't do this instead of I'm I am doing this and I'm gonna keep learning to do it better. And I'm growing in this. I don't do it super great yet, but I can I'm evolving and becoming. And so there, if you, if you make a mistake and you kind of relapse into something, you don't have to say Oh, forget it. See, I just proved it I can't do it, it won't work, it never will. And then you've defeated yourself right away because he started out too big, and you didn't motivate yourself to continue on. So those are some points on how to break that habit and. And like I mentioned a moment ago, make sure you're not trying to do this on your own. If you do have these habits like emotional eating or alcohol addiction or food addiction or compulsive behaviors or, you know those thinking habits that we talked about where you get into depression and and negativity you get into feeling like a victim. Don't try to do these things alone you can join a support group that can really be beneficial for you. Like I said you can you can join a book group online, where your anonymity is really protected, you can phone a friend, lots of things that you can do to make sure that you keep going. The encounter the accountability that you get perhaps through meetings or meeting with someone regularly can really help you. And I guess it just depends on how serious is it, how critical for your success, is it that, that you actually do change this habit and you meet that goal, you if you if you have given some considerable thought to the habit that's in your life that needs to change. And you say you know what, if I don't change this habit. I'm not going to have my relationship, or I'm going to lose my kids or I'm going to lose my job, or my health is really at risk that these are all incredibly important reasons for you to do this work to break this habit. So I'm encouraging you, today you can do it, you are powerful you can prepare for the slip up, you can reward your progress you can remind yourself. You can meditate and observe the triggers and behaviors and understand yourself. These are all things that were are within your power of doing. So I encourage you today in there that's what I've got for you this is how you're going to break negative habits and start living the life that you deserve start living the life of your dreams start making progress, and getting those goals reach, because you will become a different person when you start creating the life that you love, and living the life that you love and loving the life that you live. So that's what I got for you today. I hope this has helped helpful to you,

it's been helpful for me actually. And so that's always good when you can just minister to yourself with your own words, and I love that. Alright brave hearted women, until we meet again this is Dawn Damon the brave hearted mentor saying, Find your courage, and live your dream.

Thanks for hanging out with me today and becoming brave, if this has helped you be sure to share it with someone and subscribe so you never have to miss another episode. For more about me, my books, my coaching or online courses, visit, Dawn vaman.com. And as always, be brave and live your vision.