The BraveHeart Story of Dr. Chonta Haynes in Overcoming Divorce and Financial Challenges

Dawn Damon:  Wonderful to see all of you amazing bravehearted women! It's your girl, Dawn Damon, your BraveHeart Mentor and I have an incredible treat for you today. So you know, like I like to bring guests now and again that are going to stir you, provoke you, give you a push in the tush, help you get going. I've got one such guest today.

My guest empowers women to confidently live with peace and financial security. You're going to want to hear about that through her Amazon best-selling book, her coaching program, and keynotes. She equips with biblically based resources and she's got experience and degrees in engineering, theology, and Christian counseling. From that, she balances and faith. How incredible is that? Right? She's the CEO and the founder of Heart 2 Heart Truth Ministries and her mission is to help you put your feet to your faith so you can walk victoriously known as the performance, excellent transition coach, and biblical money management. Please welcome to the show today, Dr. Chonta T.A. Haynes. Welcome, Shantae!

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Thank you so much, Dawn, for having me. You're absolutely awesome.

Dawn Damon: Ohh. Well, thank you. That's what we do here on the Bravehearted Women. We're just doing brave stuff. We're taking steps of courageous action. We're getting out of our comfort zone and getting into places where, guess what, we actually have to stretch and grow and learn. It's all good stuff. You are an amazing woman!

By the way, if you’re listening and watching, she is one of my coaches. So you're getting the best, right? I want to hear about your story today. Tell us about yourself and then we'll dive in a little bit deeper and probe around there and see if we can get some nuggets of gold today for our listeners.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Excellent.

I say that a few years ago, I felt like I was flying in the air without an airplane. Now, when we go on an airplane and we go from point A to point B, that's great. But when you don't even have the airplane, it's a little unnerving. See, COVID had hit and my life was turned, I say, upside down. I was going through a devastating divorce. The rug had been pulled out from under me after 36 years. Yes, I said 36. So I know what it's like to have loved and lost, to have your heart broken. But in addition to the divorce, my children have moved out. So now I'm a new empty nester and life is different. I also lost my job as a theology professor since we were not meeting in person. So to say that I was struggling with an identity crisis is an understatement. I didn't know who I was anymore. The doing that gave me purpose was now void. We're supposed to be human beings, not human beings, right? But I didn't even know what to dream any longer. But what I did was I sat in God's waiting room. I have to admit, it's hard waiting, but it's worth it. I sat and I reflected on all that I had accomplished. The credentials told one story. The crisis that I endured backed them up and I still had a message and a ministry to serve others. And I was not going to allow the dash between my birth and my death to be in vain.

See, I recognize that I'm allergic to mediocrity. My favorite scripture is whatever I do, I have to do it with all of my heart unto the Lord and not to man. That's Colossians 3:23. So I realized that I'm too anointed for average. Come on now. I have some sisters who need to be reminded of that too. This is bravehearted woman, right?

Dawn Damon: Come on.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: You see, I can't control what someone else thinks and neither can you. But what I can control is how I feel and what I do with what I have. I realized that what was left was more than what left me. I understand who I am in God and that the spiritual foundation is the key to resilience.

Now, my motto is my heart may be broken, but my bank account doesn't have to be. I believe that the crown that you wear is the true riches. So rightly, you said it. I've empowered today, those women so that they can confidently live life to the fullest. Not playing small, whether they're transitioning through a devastating loss of divorce or the death of a loved one, a job change are moving intentionally toward fulfilling a dream. I help them reframe their story, reinvent themselves, and reimagine their future. So what I do is I fight for those waiting to hear, experience, and transform because women show up authentically. With what God has placed on the inside of them, we truly are bravehearted. So that's what I do today and that's my story.

Dawn Damon: That's an amazing story.

I have to backtrack just a little bit because you and I have almost identical stories. For me being a pastor goes 28 years. It was a full clean slate wiped out. Empty nest, husband is gone, my dog died, lost my job, and this is no country song. That's what happened, and you had that too. You're right. Like, our identity, we don't mean to get enmeshed, but that's just kind of who you are. You look in the mirror and go like, who, who am I now, what do I do?

Dr. Chonta Haynes: I'm Dr. Haynes. I'm the professor. Well, I'm not doing that anymore. What do you do? I'm a mom, but I don't need you anymore. What do you do? You know, I'm a wife. I don't want you anymore. It wasn't that I did anything wrong. Let's just correct that before because people will start thinking, well, what did you do that caused someone to walk away? A lot of times it's not what we did when he said to me, it's not you. It's me. Okay. I say to people, believe them. If that's what they say, believe them. It could be it's in their mind. It's their issue. So we don't take on somebody else's story and things of that sort. But I did do that internal look, you know, the theology comes out Proverbs 31 woman that we don't like to try to be because we said, no, there's no way anybody can be like her.

Now, I was like, no, let me look and see if there's anything that I did wrong. Because the Bible says as much as lies within you live peaceably with all men. So, I do that internal check-in. Yeah, probably some of that engineering to that self-analysis, but not being overly critical. You know, we have to watch that too, but I look at it and I say, we need to find ways that when life unravels for us, we can still shine.

Dawn Damon: That is really well said. When life unravels for us, we need to find ways that we can still shine. That's exactly what you did. You know, I know that you said one time and you said it a moment ago that even though your heart was broken, your bank account didn't have to be. And isn't it true that divorced women often are one of the highest populations of impoverished people like most women and poverty?

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Yes. 90% end up in poverty. That's the statistic. That was one of the main reasons why I started with just women who were devastated by divorce. That was my original, but it was hard finding them because we hid in the shadows. You know, it's a sensitive person. We don't want people to know. I didn't want anybody to know. I didn't want to tell my story. You've got the shame that you're dealing with. You've got what other people are thinking. Their perceptions. All of that's going on at the same time.

So one of the main reasons my program includes not only the emotional rollercoaster and leveling that playing field for you but also picking and determining what am I going to ask for. But knowing your numbers, I add the financial piece where a lot of people don't add that piece in and your attorneys typically don't either. Yeah, I went through three. So they don't talk about that. What are you going to look like on the other side? I know one of the demoralizing issues that I had, even in going through this and I'm big, you mentioned, I'm known as the biblical money management expert. You know, when I'm teaching theology, I'm always doing the financial side of the house, biblical finances. That's how I started writing my books because I believe that believers ought to be well-known for being financially sound. If we're supposed to live the abundant life that Jesus died for us to have. I want it all. But there were too many charlatans out there that were fleecing the flock. I was like, no, let's get to the scripture. Let's know what it is. Walk it out so that we can have what Jesus died for us to have. That was my original. Like I want believers to live this abundant life. If we are broke busted and disgusted, like the rest of the world, why would they want what we have?

Dawn Damon: Right.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Not examples. So that's a piece of my, you know, for those women that are devastated, I add the financial piece within. We want to have an abundance mindset, not a scarcity mindset, but we need the tools in order to get there. Many women were not paying attention to the financial side. So they end up in devastation, or even if they were, the guys are hiding funds and they're not giving, and they're not, How do I say it? They don't value what you brought to the table. I said, you know, if I know what I'm bringing to the table, don't treat me like a napkin. It's not going to work for me. You know, you have to get to that point.

Dawn Damon: That's great. I mean, you got the fire in you, you got, you know, that feisty spirit. That's a good thing because when you go through this, there's a difference between being angry and bitter. I did not want to end up being an angry, bitter old person. But I didn't want to be a doormat either. So there was this balance of saying, you know, I want to be a bravehearted woman. I want to stand for truth and have a voice. But I'm not trying to strip you dry. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm not, I don't have to.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Exactly. I love it. We are so connected when it comes to that.

A lot of women say I'm going to take everything and I'm just mean and hateful. No. One of the things that I suggest for women if they happen to be going through a divorce is I tell them. You have to change your circle. You can't allow everyone in at the same time. I went down to just two friends that I talked to. Because I didn't want to outwear, you know, wear out one of them. But I had one who was an accountability partner. I said I needed my witness to still stand. I need the words that I say, and the actions that I take, to still allow me to minister to others. So you need that accountability. You need I say a spiritual support group. You need all of this. And a lot of times we think we can handle it on our own. I got this one, but we can't. But ultimately, you know, at the very beginning, I say we have to reframe our story. That's why I use those three points. I'm in the process of building a house again, another house.

Dawn Damon: Congratulations!

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Yeah, well, it's a little different here. But when you build a house, you have it framed. Framing a house is that we are setting boundaries, those frames, identifying where the bathroom goes, where the bedroom is, where the kitchens are located, and all of that. But in reframing, we move things around. You know, we pick and choose where things need to go, but the biggest thing that we have to move is our thinking. Because, as you mentioned, staying in devastation, rejection, being stuck, being bitter, angry, upset, all of that, and even saying, hey, my life is over. This is it for me. That trajectory is in the wrong direction.

Dawn Damon: Absolutely.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: So in reframing, we have to recognize that life is not happening to us, but it's happening for us. Detours do lead to greater destinations, pain does lead to purpose. I say change the view and see the collateral beauty, not just the damage. See when we reframe the story now and they have to get on that spiritual side again, we recognize that our Father in Heaven is our provider and He's our protector. We don't need somebody else. We have to learn to adjust our crowns. We are fearfully and wonderfully made and in reframing our story. I say we understand our work and then we add tax.

So I had this client that, her countenance was really sad when we got on the call and she was going through this divorce and her ex was coming over to pick up the lawnmower of all things. Her son was going to be there and she was like, it's just so sad that this is happening and going through that. I asked her, and I said, What good is coming out of this? And she's like, No, I said, I'm sure there is something that's good. No, there's absolutely nothing. When I say countenance was really low and really bad, it really was. I said, well, did he snore? And she said, Yes. I said, well, you don't have to listen to that anymore. I said, you're right. I asked, was he controlling? She goes, absolutely. I said you don't have to worry about that anymore. Then all of a sudden she started changing. She goes, I can stretch out in the bed. I can paint the walls, whatever color I want to.

So my question always is, what is positive that resulted from your past? In that, when I say collateral beauty, yes, we see the damage, but there's always something good that goes along with it. So we have to regain our passion and know where God wants us to be. We have to lean into our strengths and follow the path that leads to purpose. We ask, research, and assess what our natural talents are, our motivational gifts, our spiritual gifts, our even ministerial gifts that have been given because we really are fearfully and wonderfully made. So we adjust our crowns and tap into our true identity. Yeah, you can take that inward focus, but you need to see yourself through the eyes of the cross. Be brave and bounce back so that you do shine along the way. We gotta do that.

Dawn Damon: Yeah, we do.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: I don't know what happens in life.

Dawn Damon: Yes, we do. I couldn't agree with you more. I mean, true that we have to go ahead and grieve, and have our moment. It takes a minute. Feel it. Grieve it. I know for me along the way, you know, there'll be moments where I'm like, Ooh, there's a little slice of sunshine that just came in. Because it's emotional, I've been broken and I'm hurting, but then there were more days of sunshine than there were the clouds. There were more days where there was that glimmer of hope. I kept saying, I choose life. I choose my future. I'm going to dream with you, God. This is not what I envisioned for my future, but guess what? You saw it coming. God, you know what you have in store for me. You said it's beautiful. Beauty for ashes. That's the promise.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: We have to be real. You know, I'm glad you said that I had those moments I did too. It might not look like it now we look better. You know, we don't look like what we've been through as they say, but the sleepless nights to not really eating the worrying about what tomorrow's going to hold here. I was going, I'm the biblical money management expert. d I'm wondering with anxiety. What's my future going to look like? My financial future? You know, I know how money works. Yeah. What's going to happen?

The most demoralizing moment that I had was with the second attorney and her paralegal happened to be a guy. He asked the question, well, you're not moving out of the house. Is it because you can't, you have no place to go?

Dawn Damon: Whoa.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: But? Yes. How do you say that to a woman after all of these years? And I'm like... No, I have no place to go to come to that realization that you've been living all of this time. You've been doing all of this together because the family was number one. And now you just slapped me in the face with that. Like I didn't know it already, but you had to say it out loud.

Dawn Damon: Those are painful moments. I know. You know, when I was going through the same thing and the reality was, is that I didn't have 36 years. I had 28 but at the end of it all. Like we said, a lot of years. It was a lot of years and. That was the scariest thing was this whole unknown. But what I will say is if I only knew if I knew what God had in store for me, I wouldn't have gotten stuck in heartbreak. If I had known what God had for me, I wouldn't have gotten stuck in one moment of pain and grief. It would have been sometimes. When somebody leaves you, it's God bless you. Thank you. And it isn't that I'm being trite, but just the reframe and knowing that what God has in store for the faithful, He says, no good thing will I withhold to those that walk uprightly. If I would have known I'd be living what I'm living right now, I'd have said, let's do this again. Let's do this sooner. I mean, God bless my first husband. I respect, I love, I forgive. But thank you, Lord, for an amazing, incredible way. So when life unravels for people. There is hope there is faith.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: There is because we don't see it, you know. We're all about the yes. God, if I'm bringing to you, if I'm asking for this, I want to hear a yes. I want you to co-sign on everything that my heart desires. He says, Yeah, I'm going to give you your heart's desire as long as it lines up with mine, but he sees the future for us. We can see to the hill, but we can't see over it. We can't see around it. He sees the other side of it. So we see those valleys that we go through and we think, oh, this is just a major chasm. The cross. He says, I've already given you the skills and the tools that you needed in order to get over it, you've developed them. That's why you're here. We have to recognize that we are here for such a time as this to help some people along the way as well. That's what we're supposed to do. So you're absolutely right.

Now, I was with you. I was like, I don't want to go through this. This was not what I envisioned my life to look like. No way.

Dawn Damon: Right.

it won't prosper.” - Isaiah: 54:17

Dawn Damon: Right. It won't. So do you think that you would be doing what you're doing today? Had it not been for your divorce? Do you think that the fulfillment that you're experiencing now would still have been, I mean, I guess, you know, God is God and you would have been in His will? But don't you sometimes think that you know, the door sometimes has to close so another one can open?

Dr. Chonta Haynes: It does. I do believe that. I don't know if the divorce pushed me or kicked me. Whatever that is. But I do believe that. Well, I love what I do now. I really do. I enjoy leading women through transition to great fulfillment, whether it's, you know, I say you're created for such a time as this. You're brave for such a time as this. You're supposed to birth something else. You're supposed to leave something on this earth. You are here to create a solution to a problem. You have that on the inside. God uniquely designed you for that. If we don't do it, we're not fulfilled. Now, everybody has something different, the way God works with them. Sometimes He pushes us, sometimes He can just pull us along, guide us by the hand. Some people are like that. I think I would have still ended up in the same position, maybe just at a different time. But, I don't question how God does it. I don't question him.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

t you know, we quote Jeremiah: 29:11

So for the bravehearted women that are here, you're supposed to be thriving. So whatever it takes for God to get you to that place, you embrace it to say, okay, I didn't plan this way, but you know me better than I know myself. You know, what's going to make me move forward and so with that in mind, thank you Lord for each and every day, each and every obstacle in my way, because guess what? I can step around some I can run from others, but the door is always open, and until it opens where I think He's taking me. I'm going to praise him in the hallway as we say. I'm just gonna praise him for what he's already done. So I don't know how that came about. I don't know what's going on here, Dawn, but I guess somebody needed to hear that.

Dawn Damon: People need to hear that. Yeah, because those are the keys to fulfillment. And maybe you want to share some other keys to cultivate that fulfillment, but reframing and looking through the filter of this is happening for me, not to me being able to release that pain walking in forgiveness, but with a confident expectation that God. Now for me, I know that God had to get me out of the situation because I didn't believe that I would be fulfilling my purpose in that other situation. I don't see that happening, but God makes a way where there seems to be no way. And so, you know, He'll continue to do what he's doing, but as Myles Munroe said, there are too many people. What did you say? The richest place in all of the world. It's not the diamond mines, it's not the oil fields, but it's the graveyard, right? With the unsung songs, the unwritten books, and the unfulfilled purpose. I think I could have been one of those people had not I been pushed or thrust out of my comfort zone out of the nest.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Let me say this to Dawn. There are women who are still in marriages and I'm on the same side as the guy. He hates divorce. He doesn't want it. That's not his plan. So I really encourage them to stay. I did have a client that was trying to hold her marriage together. I did for, I mean, mine took five years, three years. I was praying on my knees trying, you know, airstrike ground game the whole nine yards.

Okay. So I don't push people into divorce, but I will say this too many graveyards have been dug for women who stuck out because they were being abused emotionally, verbally, and physically because someone told them incorrectly. That we as daughters of the king, God is our father. As a father, He says, you get to safety. He says that is not what I have planned for you. So I'm just going to encourage be brave. If you happen to be one of those women who are being abused in any way, shape, or form, be brave enough to stand up and say, That's not me. That's not who God has called me to be. I'm going to see myself through the eyes of the cross. God says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Say that over your life.

You just kind of reminded me, just recently, actually one of my clients, soon-to-be clients. I'm going to say it that way because she wasn't it happened to be a strategy session. I’m talking with her. She was in a devastating position. Can you imagine still living in the same house with your soon-to-be ex after he announced that he wants a divorce and you're in these close quarters? It was toxic and it got into the place where it was toxic and she didn't have the funds to get out. He wasn't trying to move just yet. And you got another kid that was coming in. She was like in tears. She was like really demoralized when we had this conversation. I'm telling her, here's what I know you need. Here's what you're going to ask for so that you can start moving forward. You know, she, I mean, You could hear the tears cause we're on the phone and in the background after I'm lifting her spirits and encouraging her to move forward and what she needed to do. I could hear the birds singing in the background really loudly. They were like chirping like a major. For a moment, we have to have those moments where we stop and it wasn't just a matter of the call. It wasn't about, you know, Hey, I'm just moving to this next level and I want a new client. That's not what I was doing at that moment. I had to stop and I said, you're outside. Because she had to go outside cause her phone, connection was not working. As you know, she's outside and I could hear these birds chirping. I said, do you realize that God is singing over you? She said you hear those birds? I said, yes, they're extremely loud. I said he says His eye is on the sparrow. He knows you should know that he's watching over you. Nothing happens. He doesn't know, but He's singing over you. So even when you're in a desperate, devastating, or discontent situation where you just don't even know what's going on, God is still singing over us.

Dawn Damon: Yes.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: When we're reminded of that, we have the strength and the courage to move forward because we're not alone.

Dawn Damon: Amen.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: That was just recent.

Dawn Damon: Powerful.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: I just thought, wow, you know, it stopped me in my tracks, but I had to say it. I'm like, my suggestion is don't go in the house just yet. Sit in that moment, and allow God to love you because you need it. He says that He heals the brokenhearted. He turns our mourning into dancing. We want to quote it, but do we live it right?

Dawn Damon: Beautiful and well said. Let's just think about that one more moment. Bravehearted women who are listening. We don't always, in fact, I rarely program what we're going to talk about. Today I just feel the moving of God to speak to your heart. Someone's in a deep place, a dry place, a valley place, and you just needed to hear those words of inspiration today. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. He's still a way-maker, a promise-keeper. He's still the streams of water in the desert, right? Come on somebody. He's a chain breaker. God is there for you. And today it's no coincidence that you hopped on to hear Dr. Chonta and Pastor Dawn Damon talking about a faithful God. A faithful God who will meet you in your darkest place and say to you, there's still a future. I have got some great things in store if you only knew.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: I love the fact that this is unscripted because I didn't plan to say that I have no idea. But as you said, somebody needed to hear that.

Dawn Damon: Somebody needed that. You know, I'm just picturing this, um, the call it Death Valley in California, the hottest place on the planet. I feel a little bit of anointing of preach right now, but I just want to say, have you ever been on the hottest place on the planet? This picture of Death Valley. There's nothing living. It's dry. It's cracked. It's a wasteland. It's barren. You think nothing good is coming out of this place. Yet there's something amazing that happened with just a little bit of water. This is what happened just this past spring again. It's called a super bloom. Have you ever heard of that where the wasteland bloomed? There were flowers in beauty and it was just carpeted like Joseph's coat of many colors. It was just beautiful. And that was a picture I had just now So for anyone listening, there's a super bloom coming. There's a super bloom coming. You might feel like that. There is a super bloom…

Dr. Chonta Haynes: …in your barren place. There are still seeds of greatness on the inside of you ready and waiting to come out. All it needs is just a little rain from heaven.

Dawn Damon: Just a little bit of water, just a little bit of rain.

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Oh, I love it. So that went on. Thanks.

Dawn Damon: You're welcome. Look at the pictures. It's pretty amazing when you see that. But Dr. Chonta, I, this has been so amazing and I know time goes so fast, but where can someone find you? And are you taking clients?

Dr. Chonta Haynes: I am. I do some one-on-ones, but I do mostly in groups because I love the fact that when we come together in a community that that is going to work. So the best thing that I would say for anyone wanting to get in touch with me is to book what I call my free vision breakthrough strategy session. All you have to do is go to my website chontahaynes/vision. I know we're going to spell it for you because you really would not spell it. It's C-H-O-N-T-A-H-A-Y-N-E-S.com and that's back flash vision on this call. It will allow you to reimagine your future. We didn't get to that point yet other than the blooming, the super blooming, and it's going to give you the smart way to actually achieve it. That means that you're going to escape discontent and either bounce back or birth something new, and you will navigate the seasons of change and adjust your crown. That means that your life is never going to be mundane, mediocre, or the same. So make sure you do that. Don't hesitate. I'd love to talk with you.

Dawn Damon: Awesome.

So take advantage of that. And by the way, it'll all be in the show notes. We'll have links available for you there, but you do get to leave us with parting words. So do you want to talk about imagining or re-imagine your future? What's your closing thought?

Dr. Chonta Haynes: Well, my thought is this in reimagining your future. We know that the Bible tells us that our future is bright. So let me just be clear. Your future is bright. It's so bright. You're going to need sunglasses in order to do it. When I talked about it at the very beginning I was in this airplane flying. I want to encourage you to shine no matter where you are. Time freedom, financial freedom, and a fulfilling life. My plane has landed, and I believe yours will too. The sky's the limit, and the benefits are truly out of this world. So, that's what I want to leave with you. Know that God has got a great plan for you.

Dawn Damon: Beautiful. You stand at the edge, bravehearted woman, and you say, Oh my goodness, but what if I fall? But I say to you, but what if you fly?

I'm going to leave you like I always do, bravehearted women. This is Dawn Damon, your BraveHeart mentor, reminding you this is your time to find your brave and live your vision!