4 Things You Need to Stop Doing To Be Happy

 Beautiful and bravehearted women, wonderful to be with you again today!

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Well, today we're going to talk about four things you have to stop doing if you want to really enjoy your life. Let's be honest. Life is tough. Life comes at us hard sometimes. It's filled with changes, circumstances, trials, and tragedies. That's true. But at the same time, do you know that sometimes we are, you are your own worst enemy? That's right. We can make life more difficult for ourselves by the way we navigate our attitude and the way we think.

Thinking is a habit. We know that here. Also, the words that we speak out of the mouth. We can either speak curses or blessings. You decide. Do you want to curse your future, your body, your mind, your relationships, or do you want to bless them? You get to do that with your words. This all affects our happiness.

What stands in the way of your happiness? Oh, and by the way, let's all be happy. Stop giving happiness a bad rap. We feel like, oh, happiness only depends on happenstance, but joy is everlasting. True enough. But happiness is still an emotion that God wants us to have. He wants us to play, to laugh, to enjoy, to be happy. Do you know my husband? As a financial advisor would say to parents all the time, what do you want for your kids as they were putting their estate together? You know what the number one thing that they say is, it's the same thing you say. It's the same thing. I say I want my kids to be happy. Yeah. We believe in happiness. We know that we want happiness in our life. We wanna be content. We wanna be joy-filled and happy. So I'm going to give you these four things you have to stop doing if you're doing them so you can up your level of contentment, joy, and happiness. Okay, here we go.

One, let go of judgments of yourself and of others. The Bible tells us that judgment is a law. It's a spiritual law. It's like a boomerang. The world calls it karma, but God calls it the law of judgment. We reap what we sow just like judgment in the same measure that we judge others. The Bible tells us in Matthew 7, the same measure that we use to judge someone else. It comes right back at us in the same downpour, in the same load that we might give to someone else. That tells us that judging, by the way, making conclusions, or just making a decision about someone is going to end up being too obvious, our distress.

Listen, do you struggle with judging yourself? Are you harsh on yourself? It might be because you have a habit of criticizing other people. You've got to stop judging, whether it's others or yourself, especially yourself, and stop making decisions and conclusions that are negative. The fault finding, the finger-pointing, the blaming, the harsh assessment, the inner critic speaking, because you're going to go through life feeling judged and self-judgment, self-condemnation, man, that carries a heavy price tag. You guys, it affects your mental health. It affects you in a number of ways. It erodes your trust, your trust in yourself, which is your self-esteem. It diminishes your confidence and your motivation, and when you judge yourself, brings depression and anxiety. You're under this weight of speculation of somebody else's opinion of yourself. The fear of man, what are they thinking? What are they saying?

Additionally, it can lead to feelings of fear, disillusionment, and inability to forgive others and yourself. Because why? Because I'm not perfect. Because I'm judging myself against what standard. If God doesn't judge us, and he doesn't, at the end of times we will stand before him, not with a sentence to judge us to damnation. No, no, not at all. Why do that to yourself now? Stop judging yourself. Fully embrace who you are. Love yourself. Be compassionate to yourself because you don't want that critical fault-finding voice in your head. You won't reach for goals. You'll play it way too safe, which really won't be safe at all. It leads to a boring, small life. You'll feel trapped and unfulfilled, but you've got to get set free and release from judgments. I can teach you how to do that.

Number two, stop speaking negative. Yeah, this kind of goes right along with it, doesn't it? You can't have a beautiful positive life with negative talk. I was with some people not too long ago and I was shocked by what I heard coming out of the mouths of some of these beautiful women.

Oh, I probably won't be around in five years. I'm probably going to die. die. I probably, Oh, knowing me, I'll trip and fall and break my neck. I know we might laugh at that stuff, but really, honestly, many of them were speaking out of their fear. They were speaking negatively of a future filled with demise, death, bad circumstances, and tragedies. You are to be a fountain flowing with fresh water. You don't have poison coming out of your mouth, ruining your whole life. Get rid of that negative speech.

What are you speaking over yourself, over your family, over your spouse, over your children, over your boss, over your circumstances, don't report. Prophesy life. Reporting is just speaking maybe even what is. Complaining about it. Wishing it weren't so. Being critical of it. Cursing it. That's reporting. Anyone can do that. But God wants us to have the vocabulary of heaven. Like God who speaks things that aren't as though they were. Open your mouth and speak life.

Remember, don't speak any words out of your mouth that you don't want to see come to pass. What if you added this phrase at the end of everything that you said? Yes, I'm gonna do such and such in my future, just as I want it. Would that change what you say? Oh yeah, I'm gonna be broke in the future, just as I want it. Well, no, I don't want it that way. Then don't say it. I'm going to be fat when I hit 50, just as I want it. Is that what you want? No. Then don't say it. Speak what you want. Speak life. Speak the vocabulary of heaven.

Number three, you've got to do this. Trust me on this one. I've lived enough life to know there's a sneaky thing that will try to crawl into your mind and haunt you. It's called regret. We have to let go of regret. We can't change the past. That's a solemn truth. We can alter it. However, A-L-T-E-R. We can put it on the altar and surrender it to God. Living with regret and sadness over our lives is just more time wasted. Gotta release it and let it go. Because then all you're going to have is a future of more regret. Start living today.

Guilt can really wreak havoc on our lives, our minds, our thoughts, and our feelings. Feelings get into our bodies. So our health, we hurt relationships. We've hurt our careers. We've hurt our creativity. We've made mistakes. True enough, but at some point, We have to release it and let it go. We've all said things we regret. We've all said things done. We've all done things that we regret. Forgive yourself release it and let it go. ‘Cause if we get stuck in regretting, we lose our joy in the present moment and we lose our ability to dream for our future. All the opportunities that are around us right now, we lose those. So we have to let go of regret and you know what? Regret doesn't come by itself. It invites all of its cousins and cohorts and friends, you know, negative emotions, sadness, sorrow, grief, depression, helplessness, and powerlessness. Regret brings the whole pack with it. So say no to regret.

Now, I want to just tell you there's a difference between regret and guilt. Oftentimes we feel guilt over something that we've done, and we regret that. But also, regret has something to do with what we haven't done. We get to a certain place in our life and we regret the opportunities we didn't take. The chances we didn't take. The leaps of faith we wanted to do. We didn't do it. So you've got to live your life right. right now. Don't let any more time go by. If you want to really experience life to its fullest, the abundant life that Jesus wants to give us, you have to take some leaps of faith. You got to do some things you haven't done. That's how you break records one by one. Oh, I like that, and that rhymed.

Regret increases our stress. It increases physical effects for the negative, throws off our hormone balance, and our immune systems are weakened by regret. Scientifically proven, regret is not only unpleasant, it is unhealthy. So instead of regret, how about you reframe? You went through an experience, what did you learn? What's the silver lining? Can you find one? Did you grow? Do you have an experience now that you can help someone else, you can share your wisdom? Can you make amends where needed? Forgive yourself if you need to, forgive others, release it, and let go, but don't wallow in what can not be changed, alter it. What will you regret if you never do it?

All right, and number four, I really feel this one and I want to say this with balance, but stop waiting for someone else to change or to get happy for you to get happy. You cannot control people. I counsel women all the time, just like you, who have their lives almost on hold. They're suspending their happiness. They're suspending their personal growth and development. Why? They're waiting for someone else to be happy, whether it's a spouse they just can't please, a wayward child, a boss, or a group of friends, spending time trying to people please, or make everybody else happy and comfortable with their life, or waiting for someone else to change. Forget it.

Don't let someone else's stuckness keep you stuck too, and certainly don't use it as an excuse to do nothing. You get one life. You need to be out there enthusiastically facing each and every day as a bravehearted woman ready to embrace life. Are you living small, sheltered, tight, stuck in a rut? Man, you need to shake that stuff off and find ways to increase and expand your existence.

So, listen respectfully. It's tough if you have someone who doesn't want to change, someone who doesn't want to get with the program, someone who honestly might be struggling with depression themselves or some kind of mental disorder. Love them. Respect them. But, if they don't want to eat right, if they don't want to travel if they don't want to go to church, if they don't want to dance, if they don't want to go out to dinner, if they don't want to have friends and be nice and make wise choices, love them. Oh, well, you do and you can. You are in an ensemble, yes, but you have a solo performance to make. How are you going to show up for you? Because when you enter the gates of heaven, you come by yourself. When you lay in your bed at the end of the night and you put your head on the pillow, it's you and your thoughts. Are you happy with what you're doing and how you're living life?

Respectfully, you don't want to go out. I do. I'll see you later tonight. I am going to go out to dinner. I'm going to join the girlfriends tonight who are having a fellowship. I'm going to go on a cruise. I'm going to travel. I'm going to go back to school. I'm going to schedule myself some time, me retreat where I'm going to write and explore and dream. I'm going to go to Bible study. I don't mean to be independent, but I am not going to stop living. Because you stopped living. Not gonna do it. Listen, the bad news is you can't make someone like you, validate you, approve of you, support you, accept you, or be nice to you. But the good news is, you don't need them to. You serve one and you need to just be okay with you and your creator. Amen. So if you stop doing those four things, I can tell you you're going to have a glorious, wonderful, joyful life.

All right, that's what I have for you. If you like this, share it with someone, and help us get our numbers up. If you have not yet ordered or read my book, The Making of a BraveHearted Woman: Courage, Confidence, and Vision in Midlife, make sure you do that. It is trending. It hit number one on Amazon under women's issues. Super proud of that and it is a finalist in the Christian Sela Awards. This is an amazing book. It'll challenge you. It might make you mad. Then it'll make you free. Get your copy today.

This is Dawn Damon, your bravehearted mentor, leaving you like I always do. It's time for you. Find your brave and live your dreams!